Lost

LegacyUser

Hi, looking for some advice, im totally lost and feel very behind in my life.
Im 31 have a college education, have been saving to do my masters for 5 years, still not close to the amount I need for fees, I work part time, would like to be full time but just cant get the hours, have applied to full time positions else where but for what ever reason just cant seem to get anything. Ive always had terrible luck with getting employment, I dont know why? Ive been to an interview coach, have good references and experience, im a hard worker but for what ever reason just dont stand out to employers.
I cant drive either, I started lessons but it was a slow process, at lesson 8 I was still making lots of mistakes, I was being taken out on the road but was so nervous head kept going blank and I found it really difficult. I had no way of practicing outside lessons. My parents dont help me out at all, have no family that would help me out and theres only so many times you can ask a friend to borrow their car to practice in.
Then theres the cost, 4,000 for insurance, 1,000+ for a car, I looked cars up on deals and that was the average price for a second hand 1ltre car under 10 years. On top of that the hundreds spent on lessons, just totally out of reach for me financially.
I still live with my parents, ive tried renting a room, cheapest I could find and I was living hand to mouth paying rent and bills, I dont smoke, only drink once every couple of months, id no other expenses really besides food, internet, bins, electricity but just couldnt afford to live, I was getting very depressed as felt I was working just to pay my rent and couldnt even save anything.
Ive thought about moving abroad and applied to jobs abroad but again just didnt get anything, I had one job reply to me but turned out the pay was terrible and the country wasnt that cheap, just felt there was no point, id be in the exact same position that im in at home, working just to pay for the basics and no able to save.
Just feels no matter how hard I try I get nowhere but then ive peers that have mortgages, cars, houses, renting, master degrees and some have traveled the world. I feel like ive done nothing with my life and feel like its because I dont have the money to do these things, I feel trapped, like im running in circles, working, saving and still never enough money to actually do anything. I have 6 grand saved that ive been saving for the last 5 years. 6 grand seems like allot of money yet its not enough to pay for anything then I have friends who dont even work, are on the dole but have cars and houses that their parents payed for, just makes me feel very depressed and disillusioned in life.

I dont mean for this to be a whiny poor me post, I just genuinely dont know how other people get their **** together and would love to hear from people here and how they got their lives up and running, how did they pay for everything, id especially like to hear from people around my age as they know what its like to try pay for everything from scratch and reach milestones in the last 10 years when prices seemed to skyrocket.

Thanks.

lainey_d_123

I've been in the same position, OP. It's tough when you feel so far behind and don't understand why others seem to be able to do the things you can't. In my case, I had little to no family support regarding stuff other people take for granted (college fees, rent during college, driving lessons) and then my twenties were spent barely keeping my head above water, like you. I could never earn enough to cover my living costs and save.

I realised when I got further into my twenties that so many people have significant financial help from parents, whether it's college fees paid, help with rent, getting to live at home for free or whatever. When you start your adult life broke and/or in debt from paying for college, on an entry level salary and paying market rate rent, it's practically impossible to save. The numbers simply don't add up. Living with a partner makes things far cheaper than living alone, and it's more bearable than flat sharing long term, but obviously not everyone can just find a partner easily and it shouldn't be done simply to save money on living costs.

My way out of the cycle was to apply for any and every scholarship under the sun, got further education funded and then retrained in a different career while working full time. It was brutal and I almost gave up so many times but I did get there and I now have a much more secure and better paid job. I'm miles off ever being able to afford to buy a house/flat and have had to lower my expectations there and learn to be OK with renting, because I just don't have a choice in the medium term. I also can't drive and can't really justify paying for lessons when there's so much else to pay for, so that's another thing I've accepted won't happen anytime soon. I try to get joy from finally being able to treat myself a bit, whether it's going out for dinner, pints in the pub with friends, weekend city break or some nice clothes. And being able to save, even if it isn't loads.

As they say, comparison is the thief of joy....pointless comparing yourself to others who might not have had the same struggles as you. Even if you can improve your situation a bit, every little bit helps your confidence and self esteem. Retraining in something more lucrative is probably the best bet, and you can do a lot online for free/cheap these days!

Hannibal_Smith

Lost2020 wrote: »

I have friends who dont even work, are on the dole but have cars and houses that their parents payed for, just makes me feel very depressed and disillusioned in life.

For one thing, stop using these people as a yardstick to measure your own success. You sound like a well clued in person and you have your head together enough to earn everything you have. Getting a hand out from mam and dad in the form of a car or a house is no achievement.

I find with work, the people who get promoted are the ones who play the game, irrespective of how good they are at the job. I read some where years ago that the people that get promoted are the ones who their bosses see themselves in, or would like to see themselves in. Sometimes doing the job well isnt enough.

Driving isnt the be all and end all, unless you need to depend on others for lifts.

Why not, for the next few months take your mind off it. You're doing your very best, if things are stuck take a look at hobbies, or something you are interested in. Give yourself a break from what's not happening and look at what is happening?

Xterminator

Hi OP

I think you need to step outside the bubble you are in, and appreciate how fortunate you are, and how well set for the future you are, but not compared to the wealthy fellows you rubbed shoulders with in college, but in comparison to the average person scratching a living.

Obvious positives

you have a degree & no college debt
you are young @31
you have some work experience - as a part time worker
experience of living abroad - good on you for trying something different
roof over head and can manage your bills - eg no debt, no one calling you daily looking to be paid, no red letters etc.

i suspect you could add a few more positives, but the from information you have supplied thats a start.
But OP your post is laced with negativity. Every setback seems to be dragging you down, and i suspect you are in a rut. you need to bust out of that mindset. I recommend you get a book on mindfulness and try to rewire your way of thinking. Channell your energy into things you can do now,

To me the obvious first thing to do is channel all your energy into a full time job. oncd full time, then the others can follow.

Get a friend to review your CV
widen your search parameters, when searching for positions - many people end u working in an area they never imagined when in college.
Network, let people know you are looking for work, and ask them to let you know if they hear of anything.
Get feedback on any interviews.