Stuck and in denial

I have a problem with drinking but keep going back and forth on admitting it. I would consider myself an alcoholic at this point.

I drink when I feel I cant cope with my emotions, and lately some days I have been drinking from early morning to night.

I also have drank in work a few times, in secret.

I was asked to leave my last apartment because I was coming home drunk and making so much noise, falling against walls etc, but I was blackout so have no recollection.

Issues are now arising in my new apartment. I drank so much recently I became suicidal, my brother had to come over to calm me down, and my housemates could hear the commotion so naturally, were quite angry. I apologised profusely the next day and said I've been having a few issues and that night it came to a head, but didn't bring up my drinking problem. I'm sure they'll soon notice though, if they haven't already.

My family no longer invite me to events because I get so drunk and end up a complete mess. My cousin asked me if I think I'm an alcoholic and I told her I believe I am. It was a shock, because it was the first time someone had asked me that. (Apart from my counsellor.) It's embarrassing and deeply hurtful that people no longer want me around because of my behaviour when I'm drunk.

The problem is, for some reason, I won't seek help. I went to one AA meeting and it was really beneficial. It really inspired me. But I never went back. I see a counsellor every week and she feels that because I won't go to AA I should strongly consider rehab before I end up destroying my life, which, the way things are headed, I can see happening.

I so badly want to get better, but I won't seem to let myself. I know in AA they say one day at a time, but I'm so frightened of the prospect of a life without drinking. Right now it's like my head is stuck in the sand and I just can't move forward.

I wondered if anyone can relate, or advise? Thank you.

Sigma Force

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I have a problem with drinking but keep going back and forth on admitting it. I would consider myself an alcoholic at this point.

I drink when I feel I cant cope with my emotions, and lately some days I have been drinking from early morning to night.

I also have drank in work a few times, in secret.

I was asked to leave my last apartment because I was coming home drunk and making so much noise, falling against walls etc, but I was blackout so have no recollection.

Issues are now arising in my new apartment. I drank so much recently I became suicidal, my brother had to come over to calm me down, and my housemates could hear the commotion so naturally, were quite angry. I apologised profusely the next day and said I've been having a few issues and that night it came to a head, but didn't bring up my drinking problem. I'm sure they'll soon notice though, if they haven't already.

My family no longer invite me to events because I get so drunk and end up a complete mess. My cousin asked me if I think I'm an alcoholic and I told her I believe I am. It was a shock, because it was the first time someone had asked me that. (Apart from my counsellor.) It's embarrassing and deeply hurtful that people no longer want me around because of my behaviour when I'm drunk.

The problem is, for some reason, I won't seek help. I went to one AA meeting and it was really beneficial. It really inspired me. But I never went back. I see a counsellor every week and she feels that because I won't go to AA I should strongly consider rehab before I end up destroying my life, which, the way things are headed, I can see happening.

I so badly want to get better, but I won't seem to let myself. I know in AA they say one day at a time, but I'm so frightened of the prospect of a life without drinking. Right now it's like my head is stuck in the sand and I just can't move forward.

I wondered if anyone can relate, or advise? Thank you.

I totally understand where you’re coming from. My partner was in the same boat. I think rehab would be good for you because you’ll have round the clock support and you won’t be on your own. Detox will be safely supervised and other things like AA meetings, counselling, group meetings and work will be available to you (I’m talking about three months of rehab but those short three months could turn your life around). Alcohol is your security at the moment and it is frightening thinking about giving up but the fact you do consider it at times is great. It’s only a decision you can bake, no one can make it for you and there’s no point going to rehab half bothered you need to really want it. It’s too difficult to do on your own you deserve a second chance, don’t forget everyone there will be in the same boat as you and you will learn how good it feels to help others out there when you e gone through detox and are in a good routine you will find you automatically start helping the next bunch if people coming through. You’re not alone and you are worth giving yourself a chance to recover.

Hey..once you've realized you have a problem, that's the first thing..AA meetings can be of a certain demographic (old people)..but they do work..if you ever took drugs, NA might be a better fit?.. Anyway, if you're at this stage, you have to realize, it's not going to get any better..it's only going to get worse..the sooner you stop, the quicker you can begin to turn your life around..

Russell Brand is going through the 12 steps on a course that's free for the next week or so..

https://www.onecommune.com/recovery-russell-brand-sign-up

Anyway.. good luck.. whatever you decide.. Mind yourself.. it's doable..

Thank you for the kind replies and support.

I went to an AA meeting tonight. It was difficult, because as we went around the room people talked about how great sobriety has been and how long it took for the penny to drop that there was a problem, and it just seems like the penny hasn’t dropped for me yet. And that scares me because I don’t know what it will take for me to finally face that I have a problem.

I didnt drink tonight though, and I feel good about that. I guess it’s one day at a time, I’m just not feeling too hopeful at the moment.

Sigma Force

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Thank you for the kind replies and support.

I went to an AA meeting tonight. It was difficult, because as we went around the room people talked about how great sobriety has been and how long it took for the penny to drop that there was a problem, and it just seems like the penny hasn’t dropped for me yet. And that scares me because I don’t know what it will take for me to finally face that I have a problem.

I didnt drink tonight though, and I feel good about that. I guess it’s one day at a time, I’m just not feeling too hopeful at the moment.

How are you doing now?