Dating someone but I'm sexually inexperienced

LegacyUser

I'm a 30 year old man who has been on the dating scene for a number of years. I've never had much luck in relationships for various reasons. High standards and being emotionally unavailable are top of the list. I've worked hard on these and think I'm making great progress getting over it.

So much so that I've a series of good dates lately and am hopeful for the future. But there is one big issue in the back of my mind. I'm not very sexually experienced. I've been on many dates, a decent number which have ended in some sort of sexual activity, but only two which have ended in full on sex. The last time was 5 years ago.

I may have built this up as something bigger than it is in my mind. I've avoided sex for fear of doing something wrong or making a fool of myself. And the longer I avoid it, the harder it becomes. I'm not sure what to do. I've done foreplay and all that goes with it, but I wouldn't even know how to naturally instigate sex with a partner without it being awkward. I tend to overthink things and then abort!

I have been dating someone for a few weeks now, and there's only so long before the question/situation comes up. I think if I avoid it again, it would ruin things or make things very awkward. What is the best thing to do to get over this? Should I talk to him (yes, I'm gay so may make be different advice in that sense, I don't know) and tell him I'm inexperienced or would that just be a big turn off?

Thanks for reading.

Skibunny77

How about simply sharing 'I've lost sexual confidence in myself over the last few years but I really want to get that back with you'. A simple statement like explains why you might feel or act a little hesitant and might also take the pressure off you when you become more sexually active with him. Of course be more honest if you need to be, but just sleeping together might help!

joeguevara

Inexperience is never a turn off with the right person. It’s something that can be explored together and could lead to a bond and connection that would not have been there. If it is a turn off for him he is not right for you. He is allowed to have a preference but doesn’t mean it should impact you in a negative way. Be honest and gauge reaction. Also experience does not automatically mean good s3x. Compatibility is key. Hope you enjoy your self.

Sleepy

While there's no harm, and probably a lot to be gained from simply being honest with any partner about your lack of experience, I'd just like to add that "mistakes" while having sex with someone can often be quite a hilarious, and bonding experience.

Good sex is fun. It's "okay" to laugh in bed with a fun partner. I think a lot of people whose main experience of sexuality has been porn miss out on that until they experience it themselves.

max307

Inexperience wouldn’t be a turn off for me so if this guy genuine likes you shouldn’t be an issue for him either.

I think the most interesting part of dating is getting to know each other, personally and sexually speaking. As others said it’s something that can be explored together, be honest and upfront about it and you will be fine. Don’t overthink it and enjoy!

Unanimous

What has dating got to do with sex and sex history?
How does having sex with other people improve your confidence?
Was it a relationship where "experienced sexer" was advertised and you eventually got it?

JustAThought

Sure I’d go with what comes natural between you both and not tie yourself in knots overanalysing it especially in the moment! It’s been a while /I’m a bit out of practice can be lighthearted moments if something goes pearshaped (forgive the pun!) .Dont focus on what you havn’t done or not yet tried - a good considerate lover will make it easy or laughter filled or be kind - relax and enjoy being in love and in a pleasurable situation!