Work colleague despises me

MissD93

So this might be a long one. I'm a woman in her mid twenties
About this time three years ago I began to fall apart mentally, it happened slowly at first and then very rapid. I lost a lot of weight I became extremely needy I'd sleep too much and then not at all I'd would be very sad and then too happy to nearly a dangerous point. I also became very delusional, I'd make up this wonderful stories and convince myself it was real it all came to a head about September 2017 when I attempted and failed to take my own life. I was very lucky that I had an amazing family and I got the help that was badly needed at the time. I'm was/am very ashamed of my behaviour during that time but I'm Also very proud that I've put years into changing and becoming a better person. Everything in my life is very good apart from I have a work colleague who absolutely hates (not even exaggerated). Hes in his 30s and in a committed relationship so there's no romantic aspect. During my rough patch I would come in and tell him all my wonderful lies, we got on quite well but he stopped talking to me three years ago and now I dread work because he's always very ignorant around me like slamming doors and different things. I've no desire to ever talk to him again but I'm just wondering has anyone else ever encountered anything like this before from either sides

He's allowed feel how he likes about how your history went.

He is absolutely not allowed behave in any way he likes around you at work.

He should be pulled up on it- I understand that you may feel conflicted about things but I would urge you to speak to your manager about any behaviour he is exhibiting that is upsetting you- they can advise or decide what is and isn't relevant and appropriate, but their perspective might help you see it from another angle, which could help.

MissD93

[Deleted User] wrote: »

He's allowed feel how he likes about how your history went.

He is absolutely not allowed behave in any way he likes around you at work.

He should be pulled up on it- I understand that you may feel conflicted about things but I would urge you to speak to your manager about any behaviour he is exhibiting that is upsetting you- they can advise or decide what is and isn't relevant and appropriate, but their perspective might help you see it from another angle, which could help.

Its quite awkward because I understand I'm the one to blame and hes fully entitled to hate me , and I feel conflicted going to a manager because then I have to turn around divulge essentially what was a mental breakdown down that I'm very private with

the_pen_turner

Have you talked to him and apologised

You must have said some terrible things for him to hate you that much after 3 years

MissD93

the_pen_turner wrote: »

Have you talked to him and apologised

You must have said some terrible things for him to hate you that much after 3 years

I never exactly found out why he fell out with me , I have theories that he found out I was spinning out lies like no Tomorrow at the time. Hes quite abrupt and has a rep at work for being very ignorant so it doesn't appeal to me to apologise because I feel like (I know) it'll be flung back in my face

eviltwin

MissD93 wrote: »

I never exactly found out why he fell out with me , I have theories that he found out I was spinning out lies like no Tomorrow at the time. Hes quite abrupt and has a rep at work for being very ignorant so it doesn't appeal to me to apologise because I feel like (I know) it'll be flung back in my face

How do you know unless you try?

Even if he does throw it back, and he's under no obligation to forgive you, then at least you know you did try and make amends.

Maybe he will be OK. Does he know your medical history? I'd think knowing you were in the midst of a serious mental health crisis would make him a bit more understanding.

MissD93

eviltwin wrote: »

How do you know unless you try?

Even if he does throw it back, and he's under no obligation to forgive you, then at least you know you did try and make amends.

Maybe he will be OK. Does he know your medical history? I'd think knowing you were in the midst of a serious mental health crisis would make him a bit more understanding.

I'm very sensitive about the my rough patch I ended up being sectioned and obviously it needed to happen but its something that I'd only like talking about with people i love and hold dear and trust, no one from works knows I was sectioned my mam got a cert saying I had serve shingles or something at the time and I've done quite well at keeping it all to myself

MissD93

I haven't told anyone about this situation and instead I've let it build , so thank you to everyone here for listening to me vent

tara73

you don't need to go into full details of your medical history and what happened then, but I think it's a good idea to just try to clear the air, tell him for example you know you behaved very weird (or however to phrase it, you know better how to) that years ago, but you were very sick at that time. If you don't want to apologise, you can ask him politely whether he's still cross with yo about that or what's the matter.

He might not give you an answer and stays as he is, but at least you tried.

As mentioned, he's the one who seems very unprofessional with his behaviour holding grudges for so long towards colleagues. I mean, he doesn't need to be best friends with you anymore, but being civil and not sulky at work after all this time should be a given.

I just wonder, how coud you face it for the last 3 years and just now it's becoming an issue?

MissD93

I think when this originally started happening I had so much going on and was a very troubled person that I didn't pay much heed on his behaviour because i had so much going on but as I've gotten better his behaviour annoys me more , like it didn't bother me this much two years ago

eviltwin

You don't even have to apologise in person. An email saying something short and to the point would be enough. He might not be interested but it might give you some peace of mind to know you reached out.

KiKi III

I think you owe him an apology. It's about keeping your side of the street clean. Regardless of whether or not he accepts it, making amends for what you did wrong is the right thing to do. If it improves your work situation, all the better.

You don't need to do it in person, and you don't need to go into a lot of detail. Just say you were going through a rough time and say sorry.

I don't think you should involve managers.

ILoveYourVibes

he's always very ignorant around me like slamming doors and different things.

OP i think considering your history you might need to admit you could be being over sensitive.

No 1 you didn't behave well before. How are you behaving toward him now?

From his perspective you told lies and behaved badly. Now he is going to get blamed as being the bad guy because you are fragile.

It might seem to him you are manipulative.

I think you need to earn his trust again.

The first step would be to admit everything that happened and be open and honest. Admit you caused a lot of drama and its not going to happen again.

I wouldn't trust you unless you did that because it would just seem to me you were manipulating to get your way.

See it from his perspective.

You have probably upset him too and made it uncomfortable for him.

I would just tell him the truth. And I would say the whole thing about being sectioned and ask for him to be understanding.

When people understand its your fragility and not you simply being a manipulative drama queen they see YOU the real YOU and they understand better. Your greatest weakness is sometimes your greatest strength. Be honest and open.

MissD93

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

OP i think considering your history you might need to admit you could be being over sensitive.

No 1 you didn't behave well before. How are you behaving toward him now?

From his perspective you told lies and behaved badly. Now he is going to get blamed as being the bad guy because you are fragile.

It might seem to him you are manipulative.

I think you need to earn his trust again.

The first step would be to admit everything that happened and be open and honest. Admit you caused a lot of drama and its not going to happen again.

I wouldn't trust you unless you did that because it would just seem to me you were manipulating to get your way.

See it from his perspective.

You have probably upset him too and made it uncomfortable for him.

I would just tell him the truth. And I would say the whole thing about being sectioned and ask for him to be understanding.

When people understand its your fragility and not you simply being a manipulative drama queen they see YOU the real YOU and they understand better. Your greatest weakness is sometimes your greatest strength. Be honest and open.

I've stuck to myself and avoided certain areas and situations where I might see him. But thank you for that I think I needed to hear it, I think the tough pill for me to swallow is that I was the bad guy

ILoveYourVibes

MissD93 wrote: »

I've stuck to myself and avoided certain areas and situations where I might see him. But thank you for that I think I needed to hear it, I think the tough pill for me to swallow is that I was the bad guy

That isn't entirely true.

I am just saying that is from his perspective. As in he is not entirely the bad guy.

Obviously being mean in person ....when someone is obviously distressed by it is an unkind thing to do. Its not something i myself could do.

I hope all will get better somehow.

Its not unreasonable to only allow people in your life who are kind.

MissD93

SO WE'VE AN UPDATE
I sent an email!!!!!!! Also I nearly sent it to everyone in the office
I was extremely terrified
Extremely extremely terrified
I essentially said how I realised I was a lot drama and in a bad place
It said he would accept the apology told me why he acted the way he did, and acknowledged that although we probably wouldn't be talking again he wouldn't make work uncomfortable for me. But there we have it its ****ing over

Well, fair play for emailing him..I was going to suggest saying something, but I figured it would be difficult/awkward given the situation..(I went through something similar myself a few years ago..and just wanted to put it behind me when I got over it).. Anyway, Jesus.. fair play to you..

MissD93

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Well, fair play for emailing him..I was going to suggest saying something, but I figured it would be difficult/awkward given the situation..(I went through something similar myself a few years ago..and just wanted to put it behind me when I got over it).. Anyway, Jesus.. fair play to you..

How did yours end ? Or was there ever any resolution, I kinda feel relieved but I don't know what its gonna be like tomorrow

MissD93

MissD93 wrote: »

How did yours end ? Or was there ever any resolution, I kinda feel relieved but I don't know what its gonna be like tomorrow

Hey..no there was never really any resolution..it wasn't any one person in particular..but like, it took me ages to get back to being any bit right, and, you know, you just think they're kind of looking at you funny anyway.. I suppose by the time I could deal with what had happened I just wanted to put it behind me.. same thing happened another dude at work then a while ago, and like, from the outside you don't know what to say.. He actually kind of started on me at one stage, but like, really, most people would just want you to be alright, and would try to understand..

Yeah, fair play to you for emailing him.. I'd just look at the matter as resolved really if I was you..give him a nod in the morning.. forget about it..

Mind yourself anyway..

MissD93

Deleted User wrote: »

Hey..no there was never really any resolution..it wasn't any one person in particular..but like, it took me ages to get back to being any bit right, and, you know, you just think they're kind of looking at you funny anyway.. I suppose by the time I could deal with what had happened I just wanted to put it behind me.. same thing happened another dude at work then a while ago, and like, from the outside you don't know what to say.. He actually kind of started on me at one stage, but like, really, most people would just want you to be alright, and would try to understand..

Yeah, fair play to you for emailing him.. I'd just look at the matter as resolved really if I was you..give him a nod in the morning.. forget about it..

Mind yourself anyway..

Thank you 😊 it sounds silly but I'm just very glad I'm not the only person its happened to

MissD93

The situation is mainly similar to what it was but I'm a lot more relaxed now, and I'm not near as anxious about seeing him as I was

ILoveYourVibes

Well done OP. I hope things are better from here on in.

Unanimous

So all you did to him was tell him lies and he is behaving that way?

Happy to hear that you have put all the mental illness in the past and you need to put this as well.

He has no reason to behave the way he is behaving.

If he has any issue, he should address it with you or the mgt.

Try to ignore his actions and avoid him. You have come from something and you dont need to be reminded of it.

Chances are that he will get out of line in such a way that he cant explain and will bring disciplinary actions upon himself.

ManOfMystery

Unanimous wrote: »

So all you did to him was tell him lies and he is behaving that way?

Happy to hear that you have put all the mental illness in the past and you need to put this as well.

He has no reason to behave the way he is behaving.

If he has any issue, he should address it with you or the mgt.

Try to ignore his actions and avoid him. You have come from something and you dont need to be reminded of it.

Chances are that he will get out of line in such a way that he cant explain and will bring disciplinary actions upon himself.

Have you read the OP's last post?

Unanimous

ManOfMystery wrote: »

Have you read the OP's last post?

Obviously not:rolleyes:

wiggle16

Mod:

As this issue appears to have been resolved, I'm going to close this thread.

Thank & grma all who posted

Best of luck OP

Thread locked