Worried about my sister's eating habits/exercise

LegacyUser

My sister has had issues with food in the past and has been underweight due to overexercising and eating barely anything. This was in her teens and she managed get over this and had been a healthy weight for the past few years.

Over the last few months I have noticed she has been exercising a lot more than ususal - going to the gym before work and then out jogging for over 2 hours in the evening almost everyday. I don't know if she eats at work, but she has stopped eating at home - the only food she has here is apples. It's very obvious as now the fridge only has my food in it and the dishwasher only has things that I used.

She has lost a lot of weight and I am so worried. I asked her if she was okay (didn't say thing specific about food) when she got back from a very long jog last night and she said she was fine. I'm not sure how to bring anything up? I know that she will get angry and deny anything.

zapper55

Bodywhys.ie would be a good resource to get advice on what to do next. An eating disorder is incredibly complex and needs medical advice.

TimeToShine

Maybe she has made a new years resolution to get very fit and active? If she said she was fine there's nothing more you can do.

Dial Hard

TimeToShine wrote: »

Maybe she has made a new years resolution to get very fit and active? If she said she was fine there's nothing more you can do.

In fairness, this sounds like a lot more than just a new fitness regime and the woman has previous when it comes to eating disorders.

OP, you have my sympathies. Eating disorders are notoriously hard to deal with if the sufferer won't acknowledge there's an issue/doesn't want to deal with it. There's effectively very little you can do other tham arm yourself with all the facts so you're ready to help if and when the time comes. I have a close friend who has been dealing with this for nigh-on 20 years with a sister. The family have tried staging many an intervention but she refuses to engage and denies flat out that there's an issue, despite the fact that she hasn't menstruated in years and has developed lanugo. Her marriage is breaking down over the issue but she still refuses to entertain even a discussion on the topic. That's the level of entrenchment you're potentially dealing with.

Hopefully the fact that your sister sought and accepted professional help in the past means she will be more open to doing so again. I think at this stage all you can do is have an honest conversation with her, tell her your worries, tell her you're here to help if she needs/wants it and then leave it at that, as hard as it might be. Best of luck.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Not even bothering to buy food to pretend to eat is pretty odd, there's normally a lot of secrecy and fakery. Equally when she goes out jogging for two hours, the obvious thing to do would be lie and say she was gone for food somewhere, easy as anything to find some picture of some big ol' burger and post it to her social.

She's giving you a lot of evidence to confront her with, which to my eyes means she either is very far gone and just does not care, or she wants help. How is she around other family members, does she pretend to eat, eat a bare minimum, or just be as brazen as she is with you?

It will be unpleasant and upsetting to have this conversation with her but it needs to be had, soon. Plan what you're going to do, who else, if anyone you're going to involve. She probably won't react well regardless of whether or not she on some level is crying out for this, and it'll probably take more than one go.

Look after yourself too, it's really really distressing to watch this happening.

05eaftqbrs9jlh

I suffered from an eating disorder when I was a teenager. My sister pointed out that even with it, I was still ugly. You're a great sister to be attuned to that and want to help. My same sister now has an eating disorder (she probably always did). I'm not close enough with her to feel I can broach it without being invasive in an inappropriate way. She lives abroad as well and we haven't really had much contact since last Christmas when she fell out with other family members and accused me of taking sides when I didn't defend her, because I just didn't want to get involved at all. The casualties of family.

I don't know what to advise you that other posters haven't, except to say your sister is so lucky to have you and maybe invite her to eat with you when you're cooking, tell her you've made something delicious to share.

Extrahotmocha

Hi OP.

My sister also lives with an eating disorder, so I can really sympathize with you right now. Truth is, unless she recognises it as problem, there’s not much you can do for her. She definitely sounds like she has relapsed, was there a trigger perhaps?

I also second the recommendation for Bodywhys - they can give you lots of information on how to support your sister, plus they have a wonderful family support group.

Unfortunately eating disorders are a lifetime struggle, I know that my sister never fully recovered and battles with food every day. It’s heartbreaking to watch, so my heart really goes out to you.

My advice is to take care of yourself and seek out some professional advice on how best to approach her. Unfortunately she may always react negatively to the suggestion that she has relapsed, her mood will be quite variable right now because she isn’t getting the nutrients she needs to regulate her emotions. Her hormone levels might be a bit all over the place.

How have you addressed this in the past i.e. how did she manage to get a hold of it last time? Remember to keep communicating with those closest to you (you can’t help her on your own), and definitely seek further professional support x

antix80

Sounds like her new year's resolution is going well.

How tall is she and what does she weigh? Why not calculate her BMI to put your mind at ease? You'll see the low end of "normal" is quite low and if you're used to seeing overweight people you'll mistake the normal weight range for underweight.

charlietheminxx

antix80 wrote: »

Sounds like her new year's resolution is going well.

How tall is she and what does she weigh? Why not calculate her BMI to put your mind at ease? You'll see the low end of "normal" is quite low and if you're used to seeing overweight people you'll mistake the normal weight range for underweight.

This advice is dangerous. I'm hopeful the OP is familiar enough with eating disorders to disregard it.

I think broaching it gently would be a good idea OP. Do you know what supports she used previously? Did she have any therapy/counselling? If you just say something like "look I've noticed some behaviour that makes me think you might be struggling a bit with your eating and self image again. I'm sorry if you feel I'm overstepping by saying something but I want to support you as best I can, would you chat to a doctor - even just to put my mind at ease?". It's a lethal time of year for people with disordered eating having relapses.

KiKi III

antix80 wrote: »

Sounds like her new year's resolution is going well.

How tall is she and what does she weigh? Why not calculate her BMI to put your mind at ease? You'll see the low end of "normal" is quite low and if you're used to seeing overweight people you'll mistake the normal weight range for underweight.

Her BMI won’t tell you anything about her mental health. Exercising for hours every day and not eating enough to maintain that is very indicative of a disorder.

Has there been a trigger that you know of? A break up, a job change?

This would be a difficult conversation but I think you should address it with her in a calm and direct way:

“I’ve noticed you don’t seem to be eating a lot lately and I’m worried about you. Is there anything going on I can help you with? Whatever it is, I’m here for you.”

antix80

KiKi III wrote: »

Her BMI won’t tell you anything about her mental health. Exercising for hours every day and not eating enough to maintain that is very indicative of a disorder.

It's also a sign that someone is trying to better themselves. Sure, anything can be taken to extremes but you need to be objective and that's why I'm recommending looking at the facts. Bmi being a simple measure.

No one says, "I noticed you gained a lot of weight in the past few years, you literally do no exercise except walking and that's your third chocolate biscuit this evening. "

woodchuck

Mod note:

antix80, the OP has already outlined that their sister has had issues with food in the past. We need to put our trust in the OP (who knows their sister much better than strangers on the internet) that they have noticed a dangerous pattern re-emerging - that is the issue the OP is seeking advice on.

Let's try to keep thing on topic and help the OP with the question being asked.

LegacyUser

Thanks so much for all the advice!

Just to be clear, this is not a new years resolution - it has been going on since early November and even if it was since the new year, it's not healthy.