Anger Release??

curiousb

My 14 year old daughter was diagnosed with PTSD a few months ago, following an online attack from someone telling her to go kill herself.

She is no longer attending school, due to acute anxiety and panic attacks She is under the care of Lucena clinic, attending a clinical hypnotherapist privately, and hopefully starting a process with Lucena soon to start getting her back to school.

She has a lot of pent up anger built up I feel it would be great if she could vent it in a safe manner. The idea of screaming into a pillow or hitting a bed with a tennis racket has been suggested but she doesn't really connect with those ideas.

I think she really needs to be physical and smash stuff up! But I am at a loss of how to do this in a safe and satisfying manner.

I would really appreciate any suggestions, thanks!

kweeveen86

She could try different sports or exercises - running, kickboxing, spinning/cycling, football, rugby, etc. Would she have any interest in things along those lines?

curiousb wrote: »

My 14 year old daughter was diagnosed with PTSD a few months ago, following an online attack from someone telling her to go kill herself.

She is no longer attending school, due to acute anxiety and panic attacks She is under the care of Lucena clinic, attending a clinical hypnotherapist privately, and hopefully starting a process with Lucena soon to start getting her back to school.

She has a lot of pent up anger built up I feel it would be great if she could vent it in a safe manner. The idea of screaming into a pillow or hitting a bed with a tennis racket has been suggested but she doesn't really connect with those ideas.

I think she really needs to be physical and smash stuff up! But I am at a loss of how to do this in a safe and satisfying manner.

I would really appreciate any suggestions, thanks!

curiousb

kweeveen86 wrote: »

She could try different sports or exercises - running, kickboxing, spinning/cycling, football, rugby, etc. Would she have any interest in things along those lines?

The added problem is that she has hypermobility, which means she is quite prone to joint pain and pulls and strains. She had to give up Irish dancing a few years ago due to pain in her ankles and she currently has a bad shoulder due to overdoing it at archery 2 weeks ago. So she has to be really careful about physical activities.

B0jangles

This might sound like a joke but... how about some videogame violence? I had a lot of pent-up stress and anger back in 2018 and I happened to play a bit of Doom (2016) Beating the absolute crap out of some demons really helped release the pressure I mention that game specifically because it avoids any discomfort you/she might feel about committing violence against human characters, even though it's only in a game.

curiousb

B0jangles wrote: »

This might sound like a joke but... how about some videogame violence? I had a lot of pent-up stress and anger back in 2018 and I happened to play a bit of Doom (2016) Beating the absolute crap out of some demons really helped release the pressure I mention that game specifically because it avoids any discomfort you/she might feel about committing violence against human characters, even though it's only in a game.

That's an interesting idea actually... we have an xbox hanging around. I'll check it out thanks.

ManOfMystery

She needs an outlet, and if extremely vigorous physical outlets (Kickboxing, etc) are out of the question, what about something more artistic - drawing, writing, music? I know it's not quite as aggressive but they can be a great stress reliever. I've played guitar for 26 years and I still find on a stressful day it's quite liberating to plug it in, turn on the amp and make a lot of noise.

With headphones on obviously, now that I've got a family to think of

curiousb

ManOfMystery wrote: »

She needs an outlet, and if extremely vigorous physical outlets (Kickboxing, etc) are out of the question, what about something more artistic - drawing, writing, music? I know it's not quite as aggressive but they can be a great stress reliever. I've played guitar for 26 years and I still find on a stressful day it's quite liberating to plug it in, turn on the amp and make a lot of noise.

With headphones on obviously, now that I've got a family to think of

She actually plays bass guitar and classical guitar and does find it relaxing and mindful.

There's two sides to this really, I suppose. One is the stress/anxiety management and music is great for that and the other side is the letting off steam in a very physical way 9while being mindful of her condition!). Maybe she could do a Pete Townsend on a cheap guitar

Purple Lemons

It may sound a little silly but I remember being 17ish and going through a really tough time, my family was breaking up I had been bullied to an extent for years and I was just so angry with everyone because I felt I had no control over anything that was happening around me. Well I bought a cheap set of kitchen plates in tesco and one by one smashed the shyte out of them in my back garden. I screamed and cried and cursed my heart out and I dunno I just felt better afterwards, like instantly. As I said it was silly but it really worked for me personally. I hope your daughter feels better soon

curiousb

Purple Lemons wrote: »

It may sound a little silly but I remember being 17ish and going through a really tough time, my family was breaking up I had been bullied to an extent for years and I was just so angry with everyone because I felt I had no control over anything that was happening around me. Well I bought a cheap set of kitchen plates in tesco and one by one smashed the shyte out of them in my back garden. I screamed and cried and cursed my heart out and I dunno I just felt better afterwards, like instantly. As I said it was silly but it really worked for me personally. I hope your daughter feels better soon

That sounds ideal! Something destructive, but harmless is what she needs.

Salary Negotiator

curiousb wrote: »

She actually plays bass guitar and classical guitar and does find it relaxing and mindful.

There's two sides to this really, I suppose. One is the stress/anxiety management and music is great for that and the other side is the letting off steam in a very physical way 9while being mindful of her condition!). Maybe she could do a Pete Townsend on a cheap guitar

Learn the drums? It’s musical and also quite physical but shouldn’t cause issues with her hyper mobility.

Princess Calla

From an exercise point of view could she try something like pilates or yoga?

In a gym I used to attend they had a body balance class....it followed the "les Mills " programme, so it was a tai chi warm up, pilates/ yoga and meditation finish. I found it really centred me.

Though I do love the plates smashing idea

Or maybe art therapy something to get her out of her own head.

Nature is also a good one... Do you live near any nice parks or seaside/lakes. Can she participate in outdoor activities if so maybe something like scouts might be an idea....won't release anger but build up a social network with outdoor activities.

curiousb

Salary Negotiator wrote: »

Learn the drums? It’s musical and also quite physical but shouldn’t cause issues with her hyper mobility.

We don't have space for a kit unfortunately, but a good idea thanks.

curiousb

Princess Calla wrote: »

From an exercise point of view could she try something like pilates or yoga?

In a gym I used to attend they had a body balance class....it followed the "les Mills " programme, so it was a tai chi warm up, pilates/ yoga and meditation finish. I found it really centred me.

Though I do love the plates smashing idea

Or maybe art therapy something to get her out of her own head.

Nature is also a good one... Do you live near any nice parks or seaside/lakes. Can she participate in outdoor activities if so maybe something like scouts might be an idea....won't release anger but build up a social network with outdoor activities.

We're going to see if she will try yoga. As you say, I think it will be very good to help centre her. She has started doing some art at home, that helps as well and we live beside a park and I am trying to get her out the door at the moment for a walk

cannotlogin

Former very angry teenage here!!!

Some of the things that I used/were suggested way back then included:-

1. Debating society - it's the safest form of disagreement she can have, it will help her from a personal communications perspective, how to article what she means, built confidence, become appreciative of points of view different to her own etc

2. Drama group - it can be an outlet for freedom of expression, in playing different roles she can channel different emotions from anger, upset, impatient etc where these emotions are acceptable and it can be a release without her feeling vulnerable

3. Music/Art/Exercise etc - a good outlet and focus but never really got the anger out

4. The smashing plates one above is a good one - cheaper version is one I was made do- 2 dozen eggs - get her to write on each one a reason she's angry or the name of a person she's angry with. Then fire each and every one of them at a wall screaming whatever she wants about them!!!! It also allows you as a parent get an insight into some of the sources of anger too. Surprisingly theraputic!

She's lucky to have you in her corner. Good luck

marizpan

Golf !?!

I don’t play golf or know the first thing about golf!
But my partner brought me to the driving range with about 100 golf balls and told me to let loose.

My god it was such a relief for stress and tension.
I felt amazing afterwards. I needed everyone of those 100 balls.

strandroad

If she has pent up physical stress in her body consider swimming. It will be easy on her joints but you can actually get a great release by going for speed, or even just splashing and jumping around. Best of luck.

curiousb

cannotlogin wrote: »

Former very angry teenage here!!!

Some of the things that I used/were suggested way back then included:-

1. Debating society - it's the safest form of disagreement she can have, it will help her from a personal communications perspective, how to article what she means, built confidence, become appreciative of points of view different to her own etc

2. Drama group - it can be an outlet for freedom of expression, in playing different roles she can channel different emotions from anger, upset, impatient etc where these emotions are acceptable and it can be a release without her feeling vulnerable

3. Music/Art/Exercise etc - a good outlet and focus but never really got the anger out

4. The smashing plates one above is a good one - cheaper version is one I was made do- 2 dozen eggs - get her to write on each one a reason she's angry or the name of a person she's angry with. Then fire each and every one of them at a wall screaming whatever she wants about them!!!! It also allows you as a parent get an insight into some of the sources of anger too. Surprisingly theraputic!

She's lucky to have you in her corner. Good luck

Thanks for the suggestions. She is quite shy and has always veered away from public speaking, but has been happy to get up on stage paying music, or doing Irish dancing. She does want to get back into some form of dance so maybe I can find a drama/dance group she would like.

I love the eggs idea!

curiousb

marizpan wrote: »

Golf !?!

I don’t play golf or know the first thing about golf!
But my partner brought me to the driving range with about 100 golf balls and told me to let loose.

My god it was such a relief for stress and tension.
I felt amazing afterwards. I needed everyone of those 100 balls.

I like this! Her shoulder needs to settle down first, but there is a driving range close by, so I'll definitely put that on the list.

curiousb

strandroad wrote: »

If she has pent up physical stress in her body consider swimming. It will be easy on her joints but you can actually get a great release by going for speed, or even just splashing and jumping around. Best of luck.

Yes, swimming is great and beneficial for her hypermobility. As soon as her shoulder calms down (she injured it recently doing archery) we will get her back into it.

Graces7

WHen I worked in a community kitchen and things got stressed.. they kept any chipped china and when we were ..... uptight.. out it came and we were ordered to break it in a bin.. ended up laughing so much it eased the stress. SMASH!

So no not silly..

Purple Lemons wrote: »

It may sound a little silly but I remember being 17ish and going through a really tough time, my family was breaking up I had been bullied to an extent for years and I was just so angry with everyone because I felt I had no control over anything that was happening around me. Well I bought a cheap set of kitchen plates in tesco and one by one smashed the shyte out of them in my back garden. I screamed and cried and cursed my heart out and I dunno I just felt better afterwards, like instantly. As I said it was silly but it really worked for me personally. I hope your daughter feels better soon

Graces7

Dog walking? A dog would distract and charm while exercising... out in the good clean air for better oxygen uptake..

Princess Calla wrote: »

From an exercise point of view could she try something like pilates or yoga?

In a gym I used to attend they had a body balance class....it followed the "les Mills " programme, so it was a tai chi warm up, pilates/ yoga and meditation finish. I found it really centred me.

Though I do love the plates smashing idea

Or maybe art therapy something to get her out of her own head.

Nature is also a good one... Do you live near any nice parks or seaside/lakes. Can she participate in outdoor activities if so maybe something like scouts might be an idea....won't release anger but build up a social network with outdoor activities.

curiousb

Graces7 wrote: »

Dog walking? A dog would distract and charm while exercising... out in the good clean air for better oxygen uptake..

Yes, that helps, we have a dog!

shesty

The egg smashing is brilliant.
Also swimming. As a swimmer myself, you can really swim yourself into the ground in a good hour long session. It works absolutely everything and you really find yourself forced to shove everything to one side to get through a good session.

tscul32

Get her to bake some bread. 10 minuted of pummelling dough can be quite cathartic.

Sleepy

tscul32 wrote: »

Get her to bake some bread. 10 minuted of pummelling dough can be quite cathartic.

Or for a version a teenager might prefer: buy a pizza stone and make proper homemade pizza!

JustAThought

curiousb wrote: »

She actually plays bass guitar and classical guitar and does find it relaxing and mindful.

There's two sides to this really, I suppose. One is the stress/anxiety management and music is great for that and the other side is the letting off steam in a very physical way 9while being mindful of her condition!). Maybe she could do a Pete Townsend on a cheap guitar

Just to say that because you might express pent up rage physically does not mean it is your daughters way of decompressing or would suit her. Playing a musical instrument is extremely relaxing and is one of the very few ways I can totally clear my stress and empty my mind - you/I also have that happy glow for hours after. Maybe stop projecting your decompression techniques on to your daughter and leave her with her music and the techniques her professional support team are giving her. In a nice way. Ihope she is on the road to recovery & will be back to herself soon enough. it sounds just awful for her.

curiousb

JustAThought wrote: »

Just to say that because you might express pent up rage physically does not mean it is your daughters way of decompressing or would suit her. Playing a musical instrument is extremely relaxing and is one of the very few ways I can totally clear my stress and empty my mind - you/I also have that happy glow for hours after. Maybe stop projecting your decompression techniques on to your daughter and leave her with her music and the techniques her professional support team are giving her. In a nice way. Ihope she is on the road to recovery & will be back to herself soon enough. it sounds just awful for her.

Good point, thanks. She has expressed a desire to smash some crockery herself though so it's not just my desire but hers also.

antix80

curiousb wrote: »

Good point, thanks. She has expressed a desire to smash some crockery herself though so it's not just my desire but hers also.

Not doubting the daughter's traumatic experience and well done on being supportive, but you're fairly latching on to this idea. Was it recommended to her by her doctor/therapist?

curiousb

antix80 wrote: »

Not doubting the daughter's traumatic experience and well done on being supportive, but you're fairly latching on to this idea. Was it recommended to her by her doctor/therapist?

It was actually, they said that when there is a lot of pent up anger, it is good to be able to express/vent it. Anything from screaming into a pillow to smashing things can be beneficial. Of course it's not a magic solution but can be helpful as part of an overall therapeutic solution.

She is seeing a therapist weekly and we are doing anything we can to help her recovery.

JustAThought

as someone who hs a scar across their face from a flying shard YEARS back I’d be extremely cautious about smashing plates or anything else. Some scars dont heal -I have one across and eye and on my face and its not adding to the quality of my life or self image. As bad luck would have it last Christmas 12 minths ago I accidentally cut my thumb on broken handle of a cup - really simple stuff - picked it up roughly - permanent nerve damage from something that was a deep clean cut but didnt require stitches. . they cant fix everything and your passion for joining in and possible self catharsis for saving her and feeling and sharing her pain and supporting her could well bring her more problems down the line - in more ways that one. Responding with violence and smashing things is not always the only way to express emotions or to relieve stress .

MarkR

Send her up to the recycling centre with a load of glass.