Some advice please

Griphook

Hello everyone

I am looking for some advice on how long I should wait before I go to the Gardaí about my ex contacting me.
I apologise in advance but I would prefer to keep details to a minimum in case he or someone he knows were to read this.

I ended the relationship towards the end of last year. I moved out while he was out of the house, if he had been in the house, he wouldn't have allowed me to leave.

I blocked my ex's numbers and email addresses straight away. Initially he was trying to ring me multiple times a day every day (even though I had blocked his number, I could still see the blocked calls in my call log), one day he called me 38 times. He was trying to call me and email me at least every day. However, the attempts at contact gradually eased. Now, the contact is more irregular, some weeks I might go 2 or 3 days without any attempts, other weeks, it'll be day after day again.

More recently, he has started using some sort of website(s) or something to send texts to me. I really don't know where the messages are coming from. There's no number, no option to block, no option to even reply. I have gone through all the settings on my phone (android) and have blocked unknown numbers etc but these messages aren't coming from a number so they can't be blocked. I've contacted 3 and they've said there's nothing they can do.

None of the messages have been threatening at all, no aggressive language or anything. My ex doesn't know where I'm now living but he obviously knows where I work and has not made any attempt at physical contact at all. We're both still living in Galway, within approx 30 minutes of each other so, we'd be frequenting the same shops and parts of the city but he hasn't made any attempt to approach me in town or anything.

I'm just wondering if/when I should go to the Gardaí? I don't want to bother the Gardaí if this is all just standard post breakup behaviour but, I also don't want to be the woman who didn't go to the Gardaí and instead end up physically assaulted or worse.

I'd be grateful for any advice and apologies for the vagueness of my post (and replies).

Bobtheman

Griphook wrote: »

Hello everyone

I am looking for some advice on how long I should wait before I go to the Gardaí about my ex contacting me.
I apologise in advance but I would prefer to keep details to a minimum in case he or someone he knows were to read this.

I ended the relationship towards the end of last year. I moved out while he was out of the house, if he had been in the house, he wouldn't have allowed me to leave.

I blocked my ex's numbers and email addresses straight away. Initially he was trying to ring me multiple times a day every day (even though I had blocked his number, I could still see the blocked calls in my call log), one day he called me 38 times. He was trying to call me and email me at least every day. However, the attempts at contact gradually eased. Now, the contact is more irregular, some weeks I might go 2 or 3 days without any attempts, other weeks, it'll be day after day again.

More recently, he has started using some sort of website(s) or something to send texts to me. I really don't know where the messages are coming from. There's no number, no option to block, no option to even reply. I have gone through all the settings on my phone (android) and have blocked unknown numbers etc but these messages aren't coming from a number so they can't be blocked. I've contacted 3 and they've said there's nothing they can do.

None of the messages have been threatening at all, no aggressive language or anything. My ex doesn't know where I'm now living but he obviously knows where I work and has not made any attempt at physical contact at all. We're both still living in Galway, within approx 30 minutes of each other so, we'd be frequenting the same shops and parts of the city but he hasn't made any attempt to approach me in town or anything.

I'm just wondering if/when I should go to the Gardaí? I don't want to bother the Gardaí if this is all just standard post breakup behaviour but, I also don't want to be the woman who didn't go to the Gardaí and instead end up physically assaulted or worse.

I'd be grateful for any advice and apologies for the vagueness of my post (and replies).

I'd ask a solicitor or the guards. I think most guards are approachable enough. You don't have to go to the stage of making a formal complaint
Another idea would be to change your number ?

KaneToad

Griphook wrote: »

I'm just wondering if/when I should go to the Gardaí? I don't want to bother the Gardaí if this is all just standard post breakup behaviour but, I also don't want to be the woman who didn't go to the Gardaí and instead end up physically assaulted or worse.

I'd be grateful for any advice and apologies for the vagueness of my post (and replies).

It's a crime. This exactly what the guards should be dealing with. Report it to them.

Harassment.

10.—(1) Any person who, without lawful authority or reasonable excuse, by any means including by use of the telephone, harasses another by persistently following, watching, pestering, besetting or communicating with him or her, shall be guilty of an offence.

antix80

Aside from blocking him on everything, did you actually ask him not to contact you?

punisher5112

Please change your number and social media....

Don't understand why anyone would keep the same number...

Locker10a

punisher5112 wrote: »

Please change your number and social media....

Don't understand why anyone would keep the same number...

Why should you have to change your number that potentially a hundred other friend/family have for you just because of one person

Pawwed Rig

antix80 wrote: »

Aside from blocking him on everything, did you actually ask him not to contact you?

This.
I doubt the guards will listen to you without having asked him not to contact you. All he has to do is say he was concerned about you as you left suddenly.

punisher5112

Locker10a wrote: »

Why should you have to change your number that potentially a hundred other friend/family have for you just because of one person

To have an easier life.....

Changed number over the years and text or WhatsApp anyone that needs it.

If some nut keeps contacting then this is better then blocking a number as anyone can change numbers or ring from another phone.

Griphook

antix80 wrote: »

Aside from blocking him on everything, did you actually ask him not to contact you?

Yes.

Griphook

punisher5112 wrote: »

Please change your number and social media....

Don't understand why anyone would keep the same number...

Not on any social media.

Griphook

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

This.
I doubt the guards will listen to you without having asked him not to contact you. All he has to do is say he was concerned about you as you left suddenly.

I would prefer not to go into too much detail but, we had a conversation face to face in a public place later on in the day after I had moved out so, it's not that I moved out and he just went home and found I was gone, he knows why I left.

Thanks for all the replies.

ManOfMystery

Just change your number. I know it's not fair, and you shouldn't have to, but it will greatly simplify things. And just text the new number to your family and friends that need to be in touch with you and who you trust.

It also means if he ever manages to get in touch with you via the new number, you know he's got it from someone and is up to his usual tricks.

antix80

Griphook wrote: »

Yes.

Might sound a bit extreme, but would you consider asking your solicitor to write him a letter?

It wouldn't cost that much and he'd likely take it seriously - best bit is you wouldn't have to contact him and the guards wouldn't need to be involved.

The step after that would be the gardai.