Do you share your secrets/burdens/problems with anybody,

freshpopcorn

I can share the odd thing with some family however I don't like causing hassle.
I'd be less inclined to with friends because some may pass it on or I'd feel they be a little over dramatic with dealing with things.

I did over share a little when I was younger.

I do have one thing that I keep to myself and can't really imagine telling people.
Just to note it's not a crime I committed.

Do you share your secrets/burdens/problems with anybody?

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

Always. Friends and Mrs S are my pressure valves. You need to let things out at times, ease concerns or just get advice. It's part of the human nature and it works both ways when you can be there for others.


I'm a very open book.

ILoveYourVibes

No.

wylo

Depends, people arent aware of the internal workings of my mind and thoughts or even secrets, no matter how silly, but if its something causing me stress in my life yes I share it, speaking about something is incredibly powerful.

Markcheese

Lousy at it , to my detriment ... Till everything comes to a head ... I think if you're not telling anyone about the little things and smaller issues then it's difficult to discuss the same issue if it snowballs ,

wylo

It should be thought in schools because it has even been shown in neuroscience studies that talking about something literally changes the brain.

Sometimes it feels like an instance relief, sometimes it takes a few days to realise its not bothering you anymore but no doubt about it talking about stuff is a powerful tool we have.

This isnt to be confused with obsessing moaning and bitching about people.

With closest confidantes who have earned my trust. No person is an island, bottling things in only ramps up stress.

Fr_Dougal

Deleted User wrote: »

No person is an island

What about the Isle of Man?

freshpopcorn

Deleted User wrote: »

No person is an island,

Some people are islands. I'm bloody Ibiza.

That's frOm a film by the way.

Raconteuse

Oh yeah. A few months back, something was causing me awful worry and I didn't say anything to anyone for several weeks, which just made it worse. Then I confided it and it literally felt like a weight being lifted off.

cj maxx

No. I've found that they either use it against you or bring it up against you weeks ,even years later.

Canis Lupus

Good lord no. I just drink too much like any reasonable does when they've problems.

Bullocks

No way Josie.

Alpha_zero

A secret only remains so if you don’t tell anyone.

No..I would have been back in the day, but a few times I was too open/forthcoming with people who were just trying to wreck my head.. caused untold damage.. don't really trust anyone since..

Alpha_zero

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Some people are islands. I'm bloody Ibiza.

That's frOm a film by the way.

Talk about butchering that line. Don’t behave like that again or else

One friend, I can share anything and everything with. Works the other way around as well. Soul mates really.

freshpopcorn

Alpha_zero wrote: »

Talk about butchering that line. Don’t behave like that again or else

Some men are islands chains!

humberklog

No. A problem shared is a problem doubled.

banie01

Jordyn Tangy Photograph wrote: »

Always. Friends and Mrs S are my pressure valves. You need to let things out at times, ease concerns or just get advice. It's part of the human nature and it works both ways when you can be there for others.


I'm a very open book.

I don't know that I'm quite such an open book, but I do know exactly what you mean.

I have my wife and a small circle of close friends.
Not all my problems are discussed with all those people...
But!
All my problems are generally discussed.

I also used to make fairly frequent use of the Bereavement forum here on boards and it was very cathartic.

Sometimes, things need to be said.
Not to anyone in particular, but saying it to those closest to you can cause pain.
So in that sense, Boards was a Bereavement counsellor for me and helped me immensely even when no-one replied...
It was enough that I said it, wrote and unburdened myself by organising my thoughts.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Yeah I'm fairly good at it. When I was younger I used to do the standard Irish thing of bottling it all up and then spewing it all over the nearest pair of ears when drunk.

My partner, my sister and two close friends would be my go to people. There are other people in my life to whom I'm very close and love dearly, but experience has taught me they're not the appropriate people to rely on for that.

I really, really bring it out in people too. I'd like to think I'm a good non judgemental listener and empathiser and I dunno, I must have one of those faces or something, people open up. If I live long enough to get dementia I'm going to start revealing a loooot of secrets when the old inhibitions go :eek:

Alecto

I either bottle up or overshare. Generally though I share things with my boyfriend, my ex who is now my close friend and two other close friends. Sometimes I'd confide in my sister or mother but not that much.

chrissb8

Only to those with emotional intelligence to comprehend and understand. I find that I've confided in people who proceed to cringe or offer paltry "that's so rough" and felt like an idiot in the past. Worse yet, not trying to help but using it as a springboard to talk about their issues and take over the discussion.

For years I would have compartmentalised my feelings and you don't notice it but it comes out in one shape or another. Excessive drinking, quick to anger and a general negative outlook on life.

But I have close friends who have known me years and years who would know exactly what's wrong with me when I wouldn't know. Having someone like that to reflect through is one of life's important constants.

These days I say how I feel, although I still like to work through most things on my own.

Greyfox

chrissb8 wrote: »

Only to those with emotional intelligence to comprehend and understand. I find that I've confided in people who proceed to cringe or offer paltry "that's so rough" and felt like an idiot in the past. Worse yet, not trying to help but using it as a springboard to talk about their issues and take over the discussion.

These days I say how I feel, although I still like to work through most things on my own.

This is so true. Lots of people are useless when you tell them your problems and can end up making you feel worse. Unless I think the person would understand I'd just keep it to myself

I do share but in a careful way. Years ago I over shared because my boundaries were quite bad. I also opened up to those who I thought could support me only to be met with empty faces and silence. So I learned. It matters that we can open to certain people. Definitely. Life would be so lonely if we didn't.

I do however think its important to be self contained and resilient enough so we aren't running to people with every single thing, "I can't sleep tonight" "I have a headache". That sort of craic. We need to occupy our adult selves without needing constant "aww that's awful" from others.

That's partly why I'm not a fan of support forums and threads for mental health. Even though the issues are very real and big, I think it just becomes a kind of echo chamber of pain without anyone actually seeking and engaging in help. It can keep people stuck. Of course we are all different and all get different support in many ways.

voldejoie

Absolutely. Friends mostly and family to a lesser extent (I hate feeling like I'm giving them more to stress/worry about).

And sometimes support comes from surprising places. Just yesterday I had a lovely chat with a girl at work I wouldn't have known particularly well and vented about a few things and I've felt miles better since it. And now we have a standing weekly coffee catch up

It's mad how things can be running around in your head and start feeling like the end of the world. It really is a very powerful thing to reach out to someone for support (and to be there for the people in your life too).

Widdershins

God yes I do. More and more lately. I used to keep all my cards very close to my chest until I learned that not only does it help to talk, it also helps friendships to grow.
Needless to say I'm also there for my friends nomatter what. I have never found it a hardship and I deeply dislike the fairweather friend kind of person.

cjmc wrote: »

No. I've found that they either use it against you or bring it up against you weeks ,even years later.

You need better friends.

Raconteuse

Widdershins wrote: »

You need better friends.

Seems to be the case with some here all right. This talk of "it'll be used against you, it won't stay secret" etc is alien to me.

RobbingBandit

Try and talk to a few different people I know but complexity of issues are very happy d to emphasise plus no one really listens.

Strumms

No, I’m a private guy by nature and very ‘self sufficient’, if I have an issue I generally just give it some thought for a day or two if needed and come to a conclusion... when I have asked for advice previously it turned out to be wrong and the polar opposite of what I should have done...so I go with my head and my gut.

With problems in my experience... ALWAYS trust you instincts.

We put far to much emphasis on needing to ‘reach out’..

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Raconteuse wrote: »

Seems to be the case with some here all right. This talk of "it'll be used against you, it won't stay secret" etc is alien to me.

I'd imagine it's reactive to something. An experience like that in your formative years could be really traumatic, especially if it's someone you really trust.

Some people can be coming from toxic family backgrounds as well.

Or people are themselves that sort of person, who treats confidences as potential ammunition, and assume everyone is that way.

Neames

I rarely confide in others. I prefer to work through my own problems.

If I can't figure them out, I'd confide in my wife or a very close friend but wouldn't expect them to solve everything. Sometimes just hearing another's perspective is enough to help you find the answer yourself.

Sober Crappy Chemis

Good thread.

Unfortunately, I keep things bottled inside due to my insecurities and not wanting to be a burden.

Sad, really.

Still waters

I found in the past when i tried talking about anything sensitive the other person just took it as an invitation to take off on their own tangent about themselves, it has taught me people just want an opening to talk about their own shıte. Problems usually work themselves out eventually so i don't know if talking makes a blind bit of difference either way

Bobblehats

No I ignore them in the hope that they they go away. (Problems/people that do)

Trigger Happy

I have different people that I talk to about different issues that I may have. No one gets to know it all. Spread the burden.

My €0.02:

At the time I didn't share it for very good reason. In full time third level. 1999/2000 Won't go into further detail. Me and my project partner were the only two out of the original first year who were in the diploma year or third year. We could only get into the third year by working a year out.

Serious $hit going down in my home and personal life.
I wouldn't talk to my project partner because he was an utter bufoon: he would come up with phrases like " I managed to fast talk our course tutor into giving us more time to complete the assignment Isn't that great."

Had to grin and bear this project partner for the year.

Survived the college year just about.

weemcd

I kind of have to sometimes or I feel like my head or heart will explode. Luckily I don't have anything in the way of secrets and few problems. I'm lucky that way, but it can't last forever and I deal with stress terribly.