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What to do?

  • 03-01-2020 12:41pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Sorry might seem trivial but bothering me on recent return to work. Friend/colleague told me more than once (albeit drunkenly) that they aren't straight. I'm gay. Sent a text on night out to this then single friend saying single friend of mine was asking about them. Wasn't mentioned again. So I assumed they don't remember any conversation about their own sexuality and left it.
    Fast forward few months later colleague is now in a relationship with opposite sex partner and tells our other colleagues I had texted about my gay friend. I've since been getting the cold shoulder from several and to be honest I can see why in their eyes. I look like some kind of predatory gay being an absolute a***ole to straight person.
    I just feel like I can't stand up for myself. If everyone was straight and single in this scenario it would be a non event.
    Sorry if seems immature but it is actually really bothering me. I really feel it's being painted in a negative light due to how colleagues acting.


Comments

  • #2
    cloudatlas
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,711 ✭✭✭cloudatlas


    Kolleeg wrote: »
    Sent a text on night out to this then single friend saying single friend of mine was asking about them.

    Sorry I’m confused. What happened? Which friend? What was texted? Why do colleagues think you’re a predator?


  • #3
    leggo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,061 ✭✭✭leggo


    I’d go straight to the source here and tell him what he said privately. It’d be an overreaction to out him to the office (as I’m sure you understand hence you not doing so), but it’s worth a confrontation if you’re getting a hard time as a result. Tell him what he said and that you were doing him a favour in letting him know an available option and that him telling people has had a negative effect on you and it’s not on. If he continues to play hardball, I don’t know if I’d advise it but personally, if it was me, I’d be like “either you set them straight however you want or I will.” I wouldn’t actually, but the comment didn’t come from nothing so he’d likely believe you if he can’t remember and be quite happy to tell everyone it came from a drunken joke being misunderstood and leave it there. Then just avoid this chap in general because there’s obviously a lot going on and he’s shown he’s quite happy to drag others down to avoid dealing with his issues.


  • #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks Leggo. I'm thinking I might have to say it to him and it might cause a bit of embarrassment. Main concern would be I'm accused of making stuff up. Would never dream of outing anyone, hence my predicament. Some lads in office are being off with me and have mentioned it in passing. Never had issues in workplace about me being gay. Keep to myself and in a relationship myself. Sorry cloudatlas if not clear gay pal was expressing interest in colleague and I passed on the info given said colleague had told me repeatedly they weren't straight. Now seems like I'm on some kind of recruitment drive for lack of a better term/ have made "straight" lad uncomfortable.


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