`scared of my ' dad' , and atmosphere in house

afterglow

I'm really sorry and afraid people will get sick of me, but just need to get something off my chest
Yesterday, myself, and grandparent's, went to my mum's for dinner
When we finished christmas dinner, mum asked, would I eat the fish I ate for christmas at new year, I said yes
Decided to try veganuary because I've signed up for a manifesting challenge as well, part of my wanting to make myself feel good, be high vibe etc. Specially as before christmas was so fecking difficult
So anyway, get to my mum's, I had mentioned the vegan challenge in passing, I've been vegan before, but anyway, the fish came up, and I mentioned the vegan thing, my dad, immediately, got agressive, “ “ what's ' vegan ' got to do with fish?
I ended up eating the stupid fish just to keep the peace 😢
As per fecking usual, my sister joined in, re vegan thing, my mum saying, because of my depression, she doesn't think being vegan is a good idea etc
I swear I had to force myself not to cry at the table, there was something we definitely didn't need
I got on with the rest of the day, but I just feel like I'm always having to wear a mask around immediate family. Even though my mum knows how low I've been feeling. Just had a flashback there of an argument that happened a few days ago, where my dad told me grow the f**k up, life doesn't revolve around me etc, which of course it does not, but god! I am totally dreading moving in with them again permanently
One of my friends in a fb group, tagged me in a post, someone looking for a roommate, so everything crossable crossed
Has anyone else ever lived with controling/scary/abusive family members? i'm sorry to keep posting here, I am going to call pieta today, and see when their next apointment is, and also planning to get in touch with a therapist from NCBI she's used to dealing with family dynamics around visual impairment etc, so hoping she might help me. I just feel so lost, miss understood, etc. I told them way more than I ever meant to, and its changed nothing. I feel like I'm in a massive hopeless spiral, and no idea what to do....
Thanks if you've read, and sorry again for posting, hope this will be allowed by the mods

ILoveYourVibes

i think everyone can relate to the above experience ..my dad can be similar

i just dont take anything he says too seriously now ..

blackbox

You're mother obviously cares about you, and you should at least consider the possibility that she is right.
I'd guess your dad cares about you too but is frustrated and feels guilty by not being able to help you (but can't express it).
I'll be up front and say I'm neither vegetarian or vegan, but I think if you want to pursue this you need to take more active control - i.e. you need to purchase and prepare your own healthy meals, either with your mum or on your own, rather than expect her to make something special just for you.
Taking more control may also help to alleviate your depression.

Caranica

afterglow wrote: »

When we finished christmas dinner, mum asked, would I eat the fish I ate for christmas at new year, I said yes
Decided to try veganuary because I've signed up for a manifesting challenge as well, part of my wanting to make myself feel good, be high vibe etc. Specially as before christmas was so fecking difficult
So anyway, get to my mum's, I had mentioned the vegan challenge in passing, I've been vegan before, but anyway, the fish came up, and I mentioned the vegan thing, my dad, immediately, got agressive, “ “ what's ' vegan ' got to do with fish?
I ended up eating the stupid fish just to keep the peace

Veganuary isn't a legal commitment, you can decide to be vegan at any time. I've generally been sympathetic to you having read your many threads but this issue is of your own making. You confirmed a week ago that you'd have the fish and then you changed your mind to be part of something some influencers started. You didn't give your mother advance notice but mentioned it when you arrived. Not everyone has a stockpile of vegan food just in case.

Sorry but I think you were being unreasonable here. You need to pick your battles when you have a challenging family dynamic like this.

Faith

Cmod note: Afterglow, I’m sorry you’re having such a difficult time of it, but you have started multiple threads on the same issues in a very short space of time, and you don’t seem to have taken on any advice from any of them. My concern is that you’re using PI as a crutch but it’s actually stopping you taking concrete steps towards helping yourself. You have made a plan re Pieta house and a therapist, and I’d strongly recommend going for a chat with a GP too. Given all of that, I’m going to lock this thread and ask you to take a break from starting threads in PI until you have engaged with offline support services in a meaningful way.

Best of luck with it all.