My family want me to prepare for my healthy partners death

LegacyUser

Hi Guys,

My post is probably more of a ramble and needing to offload what I am going through so I understand if there are no replies.

My partner turned 73 in November. I am sixteen years their junior. We have a great life; they are super fit, run marathons and participate in sports and run a successful business. Although I'm younger I'm not as physically active! We never had a family but this was a conscious decision.

2018/19 have been both trying years for me ever since my family took me aside to inform me that I need to be mindful that my partner wont be around forever and whether I am prepared for life after they depart. I had never taught of my partner dying. It was never a concept in my mind.

For almost two years my family have kept constantly on my back about how my lifestyle will change drastically after my other half is no longer around and there have been regular random comments about how I will regret not having children and "you know when X dies". Sometimes I cannot believe what I am hearing. The comments have slowly worn me down to a point I am now afraid to sleep at night in fear I will wake up and my partner has died beside me during the night.

The regular jibes have caused me distress to such that and my behavior around my other half has drastically changed whereby I am constantly talking about their health, purchasing different supplements etc. My behavior is now beginning to wear my partner down. The person who was so full of life has now become exhausted listening to my constant talk of
health.

I informed them over the Christmas about the two years of comments and remarks from family, they were deeply hurt.

My life is at a standstill and my partner is deeply hurt.

rainbowtrout

Why have your family started this campaign in the last two years?

I think the time has come to be firm and direct with them and cut them off the next time any of them start going on about your partner's health with something like " You have made your feeling's on my future and my partner's health perfectly clear on many occasions. My partner is in great health and we hope to be together for many years to come. Your constant suggestions of his imminent death serve no purpose and I do not want to hear any further comments on the issue."

Or you could go down the route of "John will be surprised to hear you have so many concerns for his health and seem to think he will die any day now, I'll let him know this evening how you feel"

or

"You seem obsessed with John dying, it's almost like you want him dead, is there a reason for this?"


Did something happen between you/you and your partner and your family in the last two years? Was there ever any friction regarding the relationship and the age gap that is now surfacing again? Because nobody goes on like this normally. Sure when one partner is significantly older than the other, it's inevitable that the older one is more likely to die first, but I doubt that this comes as news to anyone, so why are your family being so nasty about it?

This is impacting on your relationship now, so it needs to stop, you don't want to live out the remaining years of your relationship under a cloud.

LegacyUser

HealthObsessed wrote: »

My partner turned 73 in November. I am sixteen years their junior. We have a great life; they are super fit, run marathons and participate in sports and run a successful business. Although I'm younger I'm not as physically active! We never had a family but this was a conscious decision.

I informed them over the Christmas about the two years of comments and remarks from family, they were deeply hurt.

My life is at a standstill and my partner is deeply hurt.

I can understand where your family is coming from...

Once he is gone your life is done kind thing.

You are not fit - why is that?

All you talk about is HIS life, HIS health.

Do you have a life of your own? Hobbies? Work?

It's perfectly acceptable for your family to be worried about your situation.
There is no guarantee children will be there for you in times of need but that's somewhat expected. You have no children and live for this man - that's quite worrying. You should be thankful you have a family that actually cares.

There was no need for you to bring up your family drama but now your life is at a 'standstill' and you have the poor man 'deeply hurt' by their comments. Seriously op... Cop on!

LegacyUser

Hi Rainbowtrout,

Thank you so much for your response. Your post is very helpful.

It appears this barrage of comments have only begun within the last two years however there was probably a lot of talk behind our back in years past.

Its been non stop niggling from family under the guise of concern; that I will be left bereft as my partners children will look to make claim on his estate. I am angry with my family over their lack of respect and blatant disregard for my other half who has been nothing but accommodating to them over the years.

My family say they are protecting me and preparing me for the enviable. Yes, this is cruel and nasty and certainly not normal.

qwerty13

I’d wonder too, as the previous poster said - what has caused these remarks to suddenly start? Or is it an escalation of more ‘subtle’ remarks before?

Is there any comparative situation re age difference with extended family or friends, which worked out a bit traumatically, and has suddenly highlighted the potential difficulties of the age difference to them (not that Im saying that they’re right, but maybe that might explain a rash of concern about issues you might face?).

But whatever the reason, I think you need to firmly shut down their remarks. It doesn’t read as though you think they’re being deliberately mean, but rather thoughtless and dramatic. Would you agree with that? If so, I think there’s ways of shutting down those conversations where everyone can still get on.

I wonder though, for it to have got to you to this extent, is it a fear you have in the back of your mind? ie have their remarks magnified what’s in your own head, as opposed to it just being their remarks that have caused you to get so down about it. I could be well off point there, but I thought it might be worth considering.

Edit to add: OP post re their partner having children, and their possible inheritance / claim wasn’t there when I wrote this. When writing this post OP, I thought you were having problems with your family saying things about what you’d do emotionally if your partner died first. But the information you later added seems that they’re very concerned about your financial security - which puts a totally different slant on what advice I’d give. See later post from me.

Dial Hard

qwerty13 wrote: »

I’d wonder too, as the previous poster said - what has caused these remarks to suddenly start? Or is it an escalation of more ‘subtle’ remarks before?

I suspect the partner turning 70 represented something of a rubicon in their minds.

OP, are you and your partner married? If not, their concerns about his children making a claim on his estate aren't exactly surprising, regardless of how well you currently get on with them (or don't, as the case may be). It's possible this is their real concern and they're articulating it as general (if clumsy) worries about his health.

Tbh, with an age gap of any significance these kinds of comments were always going to start cropping up as your partner aged. I think the real issue is your reaction to them. You should have cut off any coments at the pass with a "Not up for discussion, thanks" when all this began, not let it go on for two years and let it affect you and your relationship to the extent it clearly has.

I think at these stage you need to sit down with your family and tell them very clearly that you have heard their concerns, you appreciate that they are worried about your future and that it's coming from a good place but that it is simply not up for discussion any more, end of. And any time they bring it up thereafter, you simply shut the topic down firmly and politely.

qwerty13

OP you need to be married. And you both need to make wills. Like it or not, this is EXTREMELY necessary and urgent. Hopefully you’ve done that already. If you haven’t, then I’m afraid I’m with your family on this one.

Tbh it never occurred to me that you hadn’t protected yourself legally, but the mention of his kids claiming made me question that. Please protect yourself legally, especially as he has children. This is really really important. Any slights taken from comments re his death are a distant thorn in your side compared to this.

rainbowtrout

Your second post does put a different slant on it OP. You didn’t mention that he had children. Are you married to him? If not, they are his legal next of kin. Is there a will? Are you in the will? Eg who owns the house you live in?

Your original post suggests that you are together long enough that you made a conscious decision not to have children, that you were still young enough to have them when you met. That suggests you are together at least 15-20 years.

In view of the new information your family may not be tackling the issue in the correct way but they may have a point.

Are you married? If he dies first, who will benefit: you, his adult children or both? How do you get on with his children? Would they be likely to challenge a will? Does he/you/both of you even have one? If he dies without one, then his children can make a claim. Who owns the house you live in and who will inherit it?

Princess Calla

Also due to his age I presume he was married when he had the children. If so, what's the situation there? Is he a widower? If not are they divorced... If he dies first will she have a claim on his pension or indeed a claim on the house?

I really do think you need to consult a solicitor.

I can see where your family are coming from as it reads like - you met, he had a family all ready, wasn't overly pushed on having a second family.... Early years of child rearing are tough I can see why people don't want to start a second time....you sacrificed having children to be with him. Now in death you potentially stand to lose out financially too....potentially all his financial worth goes back to his first family.

Honestly do you think that maybe your family are taking the hammer approach as maybe you have your head in the sand a little?

Where money is involved I wouldn't be taking any chances on trusting people's goodwill.

(obviously none of the questions asked need answering here, just food for thought )

pwurple

... Not only financially, but about any decisions involving his health or yours as you both age.

Him having another family makes you a 'bit on the side' in terms of the law unless you have made other arrangements.

jlm29

I think how reasonable or unreasonable your family is being depends on a few circumstances that none of us here know.
Maybe you personally own a house, have a good job and a future pension adequate to keep you. If that’s the case, then they could back off and let you live your life.
If he has made a will and you will benefit from his estate, have you both considered capital gains tax? Because if you inherit while not married, you will face a tax bill.
If you wouldn’t be financially secure if your partner died, If there was issues with home ownership etc, then your family might be doing you a big favour. You should make sure your affairs are in order, and then tell them there’s no need for anyone to worry, and let that be the end of the discussion.
Ultimately, you are both moving on in age, nobody lives for ever, and everyone should be prepared for every eventuality.

rainbowtrout

Just one other thing OP. You refer to your partner as your partner in both your posts, not your husband/wife. While you haven't said which is which, I think most of us are assuming you are female as it's far more likely that the older partner is male.

Was your partner married and if so is he still married or did he divorce/ get a legal separation? Going by his age of 73, I'm presuming that his kids are most likely in their 40s or late 30s at the least and were born in the 70s or 80s. So if that's the case, it's fair to assume he was married as there weren't many women having families as single parents back then. If they are still married, she is his next of kin.

I don't think your family are really questioning your partner's health as such, they are far more likely to be questioning where you are left legally when he does eventually die.

As the previous poster said, this is not a big deal if you have your own job and own your own home. It is a big deal if you are living in his house, but he is still married to the mother of his children.

ldy4mxonucwsq6

Are your family worried that you don't have any other interests/hobbies/friends outside of your partner and family circle?

Or are they worried about more practical stuff like where you will live etc if and when the time comes?

If you aren't married to your partner are you at least legally covered from the standpoint of home, life insurance, pension etc? Would you be able to manage independently of your partner?

I don't know your circumstances but if you aren't married and provisions have not been made for you then you could have quite a legal struggle with your partners next of kin should it come to that.

Maybe this is why your family have brought up the subject, they have concerns and care about you. The best time to prepare is when you are both healthy and capable.

LegacyUser

I think you are mis-directing your anger because you don't want to face up to some uncomfortable issues. You are very eager to big up just how healthy and active your 73 year old partner is and to make the unfavourable comparison to yourself. Maybe that's part of what you buy into when you get into a relationship with somebody who is much older. You try to drown out that nagging voice that points out that there is that big age gap and that one day it might all catch up on them. It is not unreasonable for your family to be concerned for you, especially if they think you're in denial about some aspects of your relationship.

The people who are urging you to get your affairs in order are bang on the money. Being only someone's partner will almost certainly cause nightmares down the road. These are words somebody in my family should have taken note of before it was too late. They are now embroiled in a toxic legal battle which involves an ex, adult children etc. I cannot emphasise enough how much you need to your house in order.

Xterminator

HI OP

you have considered that everyone does die, yes? That having possibly being married in the past, and having living children from another relationship will certainly complicate things upon his death.

As a stranger on the internet i certainly don't know what his divorce settlement detail were, if he is divorced. what his previous wishes (before he met you) and the expectations of his living children are. what his current wishes are, and if they are put in a will & What provision he has made for you when he passes.

I think it completely understandable your family worry about this and however indelicately they have expressed this to you, that it is a valid sentiment. The lack of clarity due to lack of details make it very hard to advise you.

LegacyUser

Thank you to each and every one of you for taking the time to respond. Lots of food for though.

In summary, I have my own home and also other property. Our accounts are also separate.

My OH lives with me but has no legal affiliation (name not on house) to my home. My partner is legally separated but not divorced. They have tried to divorce their ex but have been refused by the ex, each time.

We've been to numerous different solicitors. All of whom said divorce would be costly and long drawn out as the ex would seek a forensic examination of all accounts, property etc. In summary they were advised to spend, and leave nothing behind save for burial money.

Their adult children are estranged and are all in professional capacities. They have little to no contact with my partner and made it clear they would not resume their relationship until they knew all was being left to them (all siblings) in the will. Money talks with these people nothing else.

I realise everyone dies and there are no guarantees in this life. I will obviously be heartbroken when the time comes . . .

Princess Calla

Jesus, that sounds really sad and lonely for your partner.

It sounds on the surface you have all the boxes ticked.

The only niggle I'd have is the cohabitation law and how that may come into play on his death...would his claim after 5 yrs pass onto his kids....I am probably talking sh1te but I'd seek clarification.

Are your family aware that you have everything sorted? If they are I'd follow rainbowtrouts original advice....if not while none of their business I'd probably tell them to get them off my back!

splinter65

HealthObsessed wrote: »

Thank you to each and every one of you for taking the time to respond. Lots of food for though.

In summary, I have my own home and also other property. Our accounts are also separate.

My OH lives with me but has no legal affiliation (name not on house) to my home. My partner is legally separated but not divorced. They have tried to divorce their ex but have been refused by the ex, each time.

We've been to numerous different solicitors. All of whom said divorce would be costly and long drawn out as the ex would seek a forensic examination of all accounts, property etc. In summary they were advised to spend, and leave nothing behind save for burial money.

Their adult children are estranged and are all in professional capacities. They have little to no contact with my partner and made it clear they would not resume their relationship until they knew all was being left to them (all siblings) in the will. Money talks with these people nothing else.

I realise everyone dies and there are no guarantees in this life. I will obviously be heartbroken when the time comes . . .

Do you have any children? If you die tomorrow what will happen to your estate? He’s living in your house, if you die first your siblings and their children will considering that they have a claim to your estate.
You really need to go to a solicitor together and sort it all out.
Then you can tell your family that it’s all sorted, tell them that you don’t want to discuss it any further and go back to living your best life with your partner.

qwerty13

This changes things quite a bit, now that you’ve made your last post.

Can his ex refuse to agree to a divorce, and that’s just the end of it? If the stumbling block is any money or property he has, how is that different from anyone else getting divorced? Is there a fear that your assets / income might be taken into account in his divorce? Is that a real fear?

Now that you’ve explained it, I wonder is the family concern that they don’t think he should inherit your assets - or that his estranged children might eventually inherit your assets from him?

It all sounds highly stressful. If it were me, I’d be going to the ends of the earth to find a solicitor to lock down this situation legally.

And have you both made wills?

rainbowtrout

qwerty13 wrote: »

This changes things quite a bit, now that you’ve made your last post.

Can his ex refuse to agree to a divorce, and that’s just the end of it? If the stumbling block is any money or property he has, how is that different from anyone else getting divorced? Is there a fear that your assets / income might be taken into account in his divorce? Is that a real fear?

Now that you’ve explained it, I wonder is the family concern that they don’t think he should inherit your assets - or that his estranged children might eventually inherit your assets from him?

It all sounds highly stressful. If it were me, I’d be going to the ends of the earth to find a solicitor to lock down this situation legally.

And have you both made wills?

Actually my own parents are legally separated, don’t think either wanted a divorce. My mother got the house in the separation. My father now has no legal claim to it. She made a will after separation which leaves it to myself and my brother. So presumably there is a legal agreement in place with the ex in this case too.

Not a legal expert, but while this man might have a claim on the OPs house as it stands through cohabitation rights, I can’t imagine that his children do given that they are not dependents of his. I’d go so far to guess that his name is specifically not on the deeds so his estranged kids can’t go after half the OPs house in the future, assuming that he dies first.

spaceHopper

From what you are saying your family have handled it badly but they may have a point. What if they had an accident and died, you will be naturally very upset and having to deal with their childern will be the last thing you need.

You live together so what would happen if their children claimed you were common law partners and he and therefor they could claim half their assets, including the house. Or when you both die your family could end up in a court battle to.

They don't have to be right they just have to get a solicitor to go to court and you have all the hassle and expense of dealing with it. You get me.

Could you go back to the solicitors, leave something to any grand children they may have and leave them each a nominal amount in the will say that this is their intention as their relationship to their children has broken down.

After that tell your family you've done something but don't tell them what.

Or out and out lie to your family and say you've taken care of it now lets please move on.

LegacyUser

Hi, yes wills have been made. We have been told that my OH's will however is contestable. One solicitor suggested they leave a % to the siblings and hope they don't come knocking for more.

I had a heated conversation with one of my family today. They straight up asked me what are my plans for the for the future as they feel I have invested so much of my life into my partners and to walk away with nothing would be criminal. They had the audacity to ask how much money my OH has on account. I made it clear none of this was up for discussion.

The constant talk of death, dying, heath and money has me a nervous wreck. I have almost driven my partner demented and my anxiety levels are through the roof.

The whole age thing was never an issue for me and we both had been enjoying our lives, some may say with our heads in the sand, until family began commenting and "preparing me for the inevitable" as if I am unaware that people don't die.

Rainbowtrout, yes, your last post is 100% accurate and also similar legal separation as you parents.

qwerty13

@ rainbow trout

(Sorry OP for being very clinical here)

What I meant was that if the OP’s partner inherited from her, and then he subsequently died, would his kids have any claim on what would be (at that stage) his assets.

I am wondering if there isn’t a certain amount of selfishness on the part of the OP’s family, ie they’re trying to make sure that the OP’s assets will never end up being inherited by her partner’s kids - but would go to her siblings / their offspring. Or maybe they don’t even believe that her assets should be inherited by her partner. I don’t know.

On the face of it though, the concern that they’re expressing seems to be about what happens if the partner were to die first, so perhaps the scenario above isn’t the case. Although I still don’t get why they are quite so concerned, if the OP has more than one property.

rainbowtrout

qwerty13 wrote: »

@ rainbow trout

(Sorry OP for being very clinical here)

What I meant was that if the OP’s partner inherited from her, and then he subsequently died, would his kids have any claim on what would be (at that stage) his assets.

I am wondering if there isn’t a certain amount of selfishness on the part of the OP’s family, ie they’re trying to make sure that the OP’s assets will never end up being inherited by her partner’s kids - but would go to her siblings / their offspring. Or maybe they don’t even believe that her assets should be inherited by her partner. I don’t know.

On the face of it though, the concern that they’re expressing seems to be about what happens if the partner were to die first, so perhaps the scenario above isn’t the case. Although I still don’t get why they are quite so concerned, if the OP has more than one property.

Oh very possibly. That did occur to me when I was writing the last post. If the OPs partner does inherit her house, then he can leave it to whoever he wants, but if he dies intestate then his children would have a legal claim on it.

So maybe the OPs family are trying to find out if they have been left the OPs house or not, as if she doesn’t leave it to him and she dies first then he would effectively be homeless (unless he owns property in his own right) and presumably she doesn’t want that

Dial Hard

This is pretty much the most all over the place and potentially contentious scenario anyone could be in from a legal perspective. You need to sort your situations out, and pronto. Tbh, I had a feeling this was going to be the case and I can 100% see where your family are coming from, however clumsily they might have framed it.

You both need legal advice, ASAP.

rainbowtrout

HealthObsessed wrote: »

Hi, yes wills have been made. We have been told that my OH's will however is contestable. One solicitor suggested they leave a % to the siblings and hope they don't come knocking for more.

I had a heated conversation with one of my family today. They straight up asked me what are my plans for the for the future as they feel I have invested so much of my life into my partners and to walk away with nothing would be criminal. They had the audacity to ask how much money my OH has on account. I made it clear none of this was up for discussion.

The constant talk of death, dying, heath and money has me a nervous wreck. I have almost driven my partner demented and my anxiety levels are through the roof.

The whole age thing was never an issue for me and we both had been enjoying our lives, some may say with our heads in the sand, until family began commenting and "preparing me for the inevitable" as if I am unaware that people don't die.

Rainbowtrout, yes, your last post is 100% accurate and also similar legal separation as you parents.

There does seem to be more to it than just general concern on your family's part. They have some cheek asking how much your partner has in savings. It's one thing to just mention getting your legal position sorted given the messy (legal) nature of your relationship, but it does now sound like they are looking to see what their cut might be.

I'm fairly horrified at the bit in bold above. That they view your relationship as a financial transaction. That it is only worth being involved with him if you are getting a good cut at the end. Aside from the legal mess you are both in through no fault of your own, it just smacks of your relatives hoping that you getting a good cut of his inheritance means that it will trickle down to them in the future. No consideration for the fact that you are in the relationship because you love your partner, or that no amount of money will bring him back in the future or that you are able to support yourself (clearly if you have your own job, house and other property).

I think at this stage, you just have to be blunt with them and cut them off each and every time they raise the matter and tell them it's none of their business. Perhaps what they are saying is concern for you is actually masking concern for their own potential inheritance, particularly if you have no children and are not married, and your family are legally your closest relations.

Perhaps they are wondering if all of your property is in joint names which would then mean some of it could potentially go to his family on your partner's death rather than to them. I'd say their potential inheritance is the real motive here. Time to give them short shrift. And also in your OP you mentioned how you have spent a lot of time talking about health to your partner, maybe time to dial that back and try and get back to normal. You and he appear to have done all you can legally to secure your future to best benefit you both, not much more you can do after that.

Princess Calla

Just seeing your third update, I too am shocked by the cheek of what rainbowtrout has highlighted.

Though to be honest I think alot of families have "one of those" in their midst..... My sister's favourite phrase is "don't mind me asking"....followed by something seriously inappropriate.... Always to do with money.... My BIL said he'd never speak to me again if I didn't tell him how much I earned.....it's funny and said in equal measures what people focus on!

Anyway at this stage be blunt.

Book a nice big feck off holiday for yourself and your partner (you'll get your monies worth by seeing their heads swivel if nothing else ) and go back to enjoying yourselves.

If both of you are aware of the legal and financial implications then harping on about them isn't going to change the situation.

strandroad

HealthObsessed wrote: »

Hi, yes wills have been made. We have been told that my OH's will however is contestable. One solicitor suggested they leave a % to the siblings and hope they don't come knocking for more.

I had a heated conversation with one of my family today. They straight up asked me what are my plans for the for the future as they feel I have invested so much of my life into my partners and to walk away with nothing would be criminal. They had the audacity to ask how much money my OH has on account. I made it clear none of this was up for discussion.

Your family is seriously out of line. From what you are saying you have independent means and property and are financially secure; they are not trying to protect you from losing anything as you have taken care of that, but they are trying to goad you into making sure you gain from the relationship, presumably in order to benefit them too.

This is just technicalities though, what would really clinch it for me is that they don't see your partner as your love or human being even but as some sort of bizarre piggy bank with an expiry date. It's not how families normally talk is it. I wouldn't have anyone refer to my husband in such derogatory terms.

Is the entire family at it, or are there instigators and followers?

osarusan

OP, you didn't mention working (or maybe I missed it) but you said that you have your own home and another property.

If you are in a position to truthfully tell your family that even if your partner left tomorrow, you're financially secure, then you should tell them that.

If their concern is purely over what happens to you in the event that you 'earn' nothing from your partner's death, then that should put their minds at ease.

There seems to be more to it that that though, or else they are just incredibly nosy and blunt.

If anything, they seem more keen to be making sure that they are still in for a good cut of the money when you die, OP.

Up Donegal

HealthObsessed wrote: »

Hi Rainbowtrout,

Thank you so much for your response. Your post is very helpful.

It appears this barrage of comments have only begun within the last two years however there was probably a lot of talk behind our back in years past.

Its been non stop niggling from family under the guise of concern; that I will be left bereft as my partners children will look to make claim on his estate. I am angry with my family over their lack of respect and blatant disregard for my other half who has been nothing but accommodating to them over the years.

My family say they are protecting me and preparing me for the enviable. Yes, this is cruel and nasty and certainly not normal.

I'm no legal expert but when two people are married or in a civil partnership, and one of them dies, isn't the survivor automatically entitled to a share of the deceased's estate?
I wish you and your partner many more years of happiness together but I suggest you get legal advice about this anyway, if you haven't already done so.

rainbowtrout

Up Donegal wrote: »

I'm no legal expert but when two people are married or in a civil partnership, and one of them dies, isn't the survivor automatically entitled to a share of the deceased's estate?
I wish you and your partner many more years of happiness together but I suggest you get legal advice about this anyway, if you haven't already done so.

The OP is not married or in a civil partnership.

jlm29

rainbowtrout wrote: »

The OP is not married or in a civil partnership.

I presume the poster was talking about the ex-wife’s automatic entitlement

rainbowtrout

jlm29 wrote: »

I presume the poster was talking about the ex-wife’s automatic entitlement

If they are referring to the ex it's already been explained that a legal separation exists. In that case there is no automatic entitlement to inheritance. My own parents have one.

ldy4mxonucwsq6

rainbowtrout wrote: »

If they are referring to the ex it's already been explained that a legal separation exists. In that case there is no automatic entitlement to inheritance. My own parents have one.

But if not divorced then ex can contest the will as can the children.

strandroad

Mustafa Ripe Stud wrote: »

But if not divorced then ex can contest the will as can the children.

But there is nothing the OP or indeed her partner can do about that, he does have children so it's a fact of life that someone might contest the will if it bypasses them.
If the OP does not depend financially on her partner her priority is to make sure she is not exposed to anything herself and it seems that she's done that?

qwerty13

Am I wrong in thinking that it is almost inevitable that there is going to be strife with his family. So it can either be faced up front, ie he gets divorced, and just puts up with whatever examination of his finances that entails OR it happens after his death, when the OP is left dealing with his ex wife and children by herself, in a time of grief. As someone else said, they don’t have to be right to pursue his estate legally, they just have to initiate proceedings in order to cause a world of pain to the OP.

Unless there’s an unexplained very compelling reason, I really can’t see why he doesn’t try his hardest to get the divorce through. Of course this may not stop his children pursuing anything, but at least it would be one aspect tied down.

ldy4mxonucwsq6

strandroad wrote: »

But there is nothing the OP or indeed her partner can do about that, he does have children so it's a fact of life that someone might contest the will if it bypasses them.
If the OP does not depend financially on her partner her priority is to make sure she is not exposed to anything herself and it seems that she's done that?

He could get divorced and at least that's the ex sorted out. Unless she has already renounced her succession rights as part of the separation agreement.

It also comes down to next of kin etc for deciding medical care, the op won't have any legal standing to make these decisions for her partner should the time come.