Tricky situation

LegacyUser

Originally posted this

- So long story straight, we were out for christmas drinks (me, best friend (let's call him John) and another few friends) and we bumped into John's sister and their cousin. John's cousin (let's call her Sarah) was 3 years below me in school and if I ever saw her I'd always say hi just to be friendly and not really much more, our paths never really crossed. Now in the pub where we all met myself and Sarah started chatting and we had a good hour long conversation, now being after a few beverages my memory of what we were talking about is a bit limited but I remember the two of us getting on extremely well. We moved onto the next bar and in this bar things got a bit more romantic. John didn't really say much about it but he did see everything, we didn't exactly make an effort to hide it but I'm not sure if I'm right to feel weird about the whole situation or what?

I have been texting Sarah since and it's kinda just small talk, I'm not sure whether to bring up the last night in conversation and she is quite shy so I don't think she would either. Ideally I'd like to take her for dinner sometime and just see how things pan out because at this stage I do have a bit of a crush on her.

Upd@e:

So after some advice I asked her out by saying "This may sound a bit mad but I'd love to take you out for a bite to eat or something sometime if that was something you'd be up for? Really enjoyed talking to you Saturday night I must say 😊 " to which she replied something along the lines of "I'm really sorry and I dont mean to sound like a bitch or anything but I'm not really looking for anything now but I really enjoyed talking to you too". I replied saying something along the lines of "That's perfectly cool and I'm sorry if I put you in an awkward position with that question but honestly no hard feelings". Maybe the whole me being best friends with her first cousin may have had something to do with it but who knows.

I'm kinda bummed out a bit by the whole thing the past couple of days to be honest because even though we were only together a couple of hours and we did have a bit to drink, I really felt a connection between the two of us as we got on great all night. Obviously I'm not going to force her into going on a date with me or anything like that but does my initial date offer sound a bit too forward or desperate in a way? I wouldn't be desperate in the slightest, in fact I would only really ask a girl out if I felt a good connection and that is quite rare as I can be hard to please in that aspect. I wouldn't mind knowing what people think of that offer being too forward or not for future reference.

I'm not sure if I should have replied saying something like "I'm not looking for anything really either (which is kinda true, I'm the sort of guy who takes every moment as they come rather than come up with long term plans or whatever) but what harm would it be for the two of us to just even grab a coffee and have a chat some day?". I know its probably too late to say that now and if I do say it now I dont exactly want her to think I'm harassing her. I really don't know what to do, I cant stop thinking about this girl!

LegacyUser

So I met a girl on a night out last Sunday who was a year or two below me in school (im 22 and she is 19)who I never really talked to before, she's my best friend's cousin. Got talking to her exclusively for about an hour and discovered shes lovely and genuine and really felt chemistry. After a few drinks we end up kissing and end up spending the night out with eachother before going our separate ways. We were texting the next couple of days, getting on well and I asked her if she wanted to grab a bite to eat and that I really enjoyed talking to her. She said "sorry not to sound like a itch but I'm not really looking for anything right now but I enjoyed the last night". I kinda saw that as a straight out no and said that's cool, no hard feelings. Haven't brought myself to talk to her since then and now a week later I cant get her out of my head and I'm thinking maybe asking her on a dinner date might have been a bit too forward and should have asked her on a coffee date instead which would be less formal and see how we got on? I feel like a d!ck for not talking to her since then but I was kinda bummed out by the whole thing. Any advice? I don't want to be hassling her at the same time but I cant stop thinking about this girl.

Faith

Cmod note: Apologies, OP, your original thread took a while to be approved. As you’ve started a new thread, I’ve merged the two together.

Idle Passerby

I think if she was interested she would have jumped at your invite regardless if it was dinner or coffee. Asking "to go for a bite" is hardly a marriage proposal. I'd say she meant what she said, she enjoyed your company but isn't interested in pursuing anything. I'm sure she's well able to send a text to you off her own bat if she wanted to. Pity it didn't go anywhere but sometimes that's just how it pans out.

lozenges

You asked politely, she said no politely, drop it. If you ask her a second time her response might not be as polite! It's the kind of thing I would certainly find very irritating anyway.

Xterminator

Hi OP

She said no. please respect the decision. Unless she indicates that her intentions have changed, you should not do anything to make her uncomfortable. thats just the respectful thing to do.

The way you asked her out sounded okay, not sure if your timing was great but if she liked you & was available the answer would probably have been different. But you don't get to keep asking the question until you get the answer you want.

Consider this a lesson learned, perhaps a a hard one for you.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies lads. I think ye're all correct, I was a bit tunnel visioned the past while because I thought there was possibly something there. Bit of a hard pill to swallow all the same but I suppose you never know what the future holds, her feelings may change but I won't be the one to make her feel uncomfortable about the situation by pestering her.

LegacyUser

As the others have said, you’d be best to leave it. You asked, she said no, that’s the end of it. If she was in any way shape or form interested then she would have said yes. At least now you won’t drive yourself crazy wondering what if. She’s not interested, so now that you know that you can find someone who is.

rainbowtrout

You asked her out in a way that was fine and she said no. It's not the answer you wanted, these things happen.

Under no circumstances should you follow up with 'what harm would it do to have a coffee...' in the future, as you are basically saying that you don't respect her right to say no for whatever reason and that she should still go on a date with you. Respect her decision.