Boyfriend didn't include or invite me

Questionoftime

Hi all, I have been with my boyfriend for just over a year. This year he spent most of Christmas at my house with my family/friends and had a nice time He spent some of it with his family including siblings who are home from abroad. I have met most of them before and they are spending most of the Christmas period at my boyfriend's parents house with my boyfriend calling to see them for a few hours every day. He hasn't invited me to meet up with them or to his parents' house however even though I've visited before on more than one occasion and we got along well I find it all a bit strange/off. Would you feel the same? Or am I overthinking?

Paddy Cow

Just ask him. "Hey lets pop round to visit your parents".

frosty123

Maybe they're into devil worship?

zapper55

Maybe he wants some time to himself. I would if I spent a few days in another persons family home. I'd need to recharge my batteries mentally as I find it a little draining even if I enjoyed their company.

Why dont you ask him?

LegacyUser

Sorry that's totally off. Christmas ye should be together as a couple for some family events, especially once you get a bit older, im sure the rest of the family noticed you weren't invited. I'd ask what's up...unless there's some family drama or a falling out if some kind...

ILoveYourVibes

Happy Christmas op. I am sure your bf loves you very much.

Christmas can be a stressful time. They can have other family visitors old relatives etc. It can be a lot of stress on the person organizing it (usually mothers) to facilitate everyone.

One more person in the house usually means more work for someone and that someone is usually an overworked under thanked mother.

Plus if he has been around to your and YOUR family. That might have been stressful for him. Christmas is not like visiting your inlaws on any other day. Maybe he needs to de-stress and have some time alone.

Its understandable you might wonder why. But there are also some very natural reasons as to why.

If elderly relatives are visiting our house at any time during the year ...we can't ever have anyone else over really ...they can't deal with it. And its not really fair.

Christmas on its own can be a bit much for people. Maintaining the house etc all the cooking/ cleaning /gifting /relatives.

You dont know who else they had to visit and who else had to call over etc.

I wouldn't think anything of it tbh.

Just make sure he makes it up to you on valentines

strandroad

Just ask him. Yes the usual would be to include you at least once but perhaps there is something personal going on within the family.

leggo

Yeah Christmas can also be a bad/stressful time for families, dealing with loss and people that aren’t there, people can become nightmares with the stress, people drinking too much etc. It could be a million things and, if everything else about the relationship is fine, I’d say none of those pertain to an issue with you.

manonboard

OP. For the longest time I visited my partners christmas to say hey etc. I didnt bring them to mine for a bunch of subtle but powerful reasons.
My family don't usually get involved with partners n fondbit uncomfortable. They just felt it awkward. The home was always private. I think they felt pressure to put on a show n super clean the house. When it's just us we dont care if we spill food on our tops n eat from the couch lol.

Christmas was also an anniversary of a bad event for my mum many years ago. So it felt nicer to keep our tradition of just our immediate family.

There can be lots of little things like this that are so invisible that it's often hard to even self articulate.

I hope you asked your partner but dont take it personally. Some families just dont mix n match quickly at traditionally family events.

Jimbob1977

There's a good chance that he's protecting you from a bad situation in his home.

Possibly there's sibling rivalry or deep-rooted issues that he's embarrassed about.

Salary Negotiator

Jimbob1977 wrote: »

There's a good chance that he's protecting you from a bad situation in his home.

Possibly there's sibling rivalry or deep-rooted issues that he's embarrassed about.

Was going to post the same.

Christmas in my family is great, mad rush to get the dinner cooked then a few drinks and a night of games. No fighting or squabbling.

But I know other families that each Christmas seems guaranteed to descend into arguments and fights and perhaps he doesn’t want you to see that but feels obliged to visit himself.

Just ask him OP and hopefully he’ll tell you.

mjv2ydratu679c

Maybe it just didn't suit due to the time of day he was calling. I think the fact he spent most of his Christmas at your house and not at home shows he prioritised you over his own family. It can be hard to juggle two houses with people coming and going and maybe only being in one house for a limited time so maybe the time of day he was calling might not have suited you. Maybe you should have just asked him, there was probably no hidden motive behind it.

LolaJJ

You're not with your boyfriend that long, not sure how much time you have spent with eachother's families but sometimes it can take a while to properly penetrate that circle. Having a newish partner does alter the dynamic and also, he may not have thought of it.

My partner looks after his mum a lot as she needs constant care, it never dawned on him to invite me over with him for his shifts until his sister started bringing her husband.

Maybe just make a point of saying you'd like to spend more time with his family while they are home

joeguevara

Not sure if you read another thread here where someone was complaining that her partner wanted her and kids to spend Christmas with his parents. It shows how people have differing opinions.

The most important thing is what the rest of the relationship is like. If you feel loved and secure then that's all that matters. I disagree with some posts saying you haven't been seeing each other for a significant amount of time as a year isn't insignificant but holidays plus family can be a minefield and usually meeting up at a different time is better.

Did he text and or phone during the day to show he cared? Think about other things before feeling disappointed.

Sarahdunners

It is perfectly normal to spend time alone with their familes...especially after only one year! You are not married.

I know people who spend time alone with their familes at Christmas after going out for five years

Sarahdunners

When I was going out with a boyfriend for three years - we never spent Christmas with each other's families.

He went to his family, and I went to my family on christmas day