Relationship issues

LegacyUser

So this is an awkward one to write about but here goes nothing! I’m 27 female, and have been seeing a guy(34) for a while, things got physical over Christmas but he couldn’t perform. I thought it was nerves but it has happened a few times now. Last night when it happened, or rather didn’t happen, he just got dressed and left, It’s obviously bothering him and I just don’t know what to do or say to reassure him. Anyone have advice on what to do?

Millionaire only not

137647952268 wrote: »

So this is an awkward one to write about but here goes nothing! I’m 27 female, and have been seeing a guy(34) for a while, things got physical over Christmas but he couldn’t perform. I thought it was nerves but it has happened a few times now. Last night when it happened, or rather didn’t happen, he just got dressed and left, It’s obviously bothering him and I just don’t know what to do or say to reassure him. Anyone have advice on what to do?

A decent blow job to settle him down

kerryjack

Not a good sign when you say you were seeing a lad for a while and it only started getting physical over Christmas. He should have a bit of a bulge in his throusers the first date and be rearing to go. Tell him to man up see a GP and get some tablets and you will be waiting for the lucky fuccker to have such a nice caring young lady looking out for him.

bee06

kerryjack wrote: »

Not a good sign when you say you were seeing a lad for a while and it only started getting physical over Christmas. He should have a bit of a bulge in his throusers the first date and be rearing to go. Tell him to man up see a GP and get some tablets and you will be waiting for the lucky fuccker to have such a nice caring young lady looking out for him.

Or he’s been building the whole thing up in his head for so long he’s has performance anxiety.

Damien360

Was there drink involved ? If yes, then both lay off the booze and see what rises.

Location ? In your parents house....that would put any guy off waiting for parents to walk in.

Salary Negotiator

Telling him to man up, even if it is qualified with “and go to the doctor” is a terrible idea.

kerryjack

Salary Negotiator wrote: »

Telling him to man up, even if it is qualified with “and go to the doctor” is a terrible idea.

He is 34 not 14 what are you going to do with him.

amdublin

kerryjack wrote: »

He is 34 not 14 what are you going to do with him.

Maybe treat him with a bit of respect and empathy?

Salary Negotiator

kerryjack wrote: »

He is 34 not 14 what are you going to do with him.

Not sure, but as ED is often a psychological issue as much as a physical one implying he’s less of a man because of it is likely to exacerbate things.

The see a doctor bit was good advice though.

Toots

See a doctor is good advice, but how you broach that with him is the tricky bit.

I'd say it's quite likely that nerves got the better of him the first time, then he was worrying about it happening again and he got stressed, and it kind of turned into a vicious circle.

LegacyUser

Hi all, op here, thanks for the replies! Just to give a bit more information, we’ve been seeing each other for about 2 months but I was working odd shifts in the run up to Christmas so we hadn’t seen each other much in about two weeks, just the odd coffee. location wise we were in my place, I live alone so there was no danger of anyone walking in, neither of us had been drinking. He’s taking it quiet badly, we’d usually text on and off through the day but I’ve barely heard from him since it happened (3 texts since Friday) Other than this he’s a lovely guy who I really Like and enjoy spending time with and I’m willing to be patient and hope it works itself out but I’m not sure if he is

lozenges

Try to sit him down and talk to him about it at a time when sex is off the table so he doesn't feel under pressure.
He's young so it's less likely to be a medical issue, but going to see the Dr is no harm.

For the next time:
1. Make sure no drink/drugs taken
2. Try to do stuff together that takes the focus off his d*ck - eg get him to spend time getting you off and hopefully he'll relax and things will happen naturally!
3. Take your time and tell him explicitly that you're happy to take it slow (only if this is true, but it seems like you like him and are willing to give it time)
4. If all of the above fails then definitely encourage him to see a Dr.