Am I overreacting?

swirls306

Morning all, happy St. Stephen's Day! 😊 Just looking for some opinions here. Myself and my partner have been thinking about what to do for NYE for the last week or so, we were thinking of having a small house party in ours but said we'd sit on it for a day or two and see what other people's plans are. Anyways now I found out that my partner has arranged for us to go to a house party at her friends house, the friend text me about it. I'm really hurt that my partner organised it with her friend without even mentioning it to me first. There was a couple of issues between me and her friend during the first couple of years of our relationship due to things her friend said or did that was disrespectful towards our relationship - we never have a row as such, just always a bit of awkwardness. We have been getting on better in the last 6 months or so although I definitely wouldn't say we're friends, just more two people in my partner's life who get along for her sake. Anyways am I overreacting about this? I feel it was a bit manipulative on my partner's behalf and I'm hurt by it, she says she didn't mean it like that, that she just thought it would be a bit of craic.

shamrock55

Yes

Stone Deaf 4evr

swirls306 wrote: »

Morning all, happy St. Stephen's Day! 😊 Just looking for some opinions here. Myself and my partner have been thinking about what to do for NYE for the last week or so, we were thinking of having a small house party in ours but said we'd sit on it for a day or two and see what other people's plans are. Anyways now I found out that my partner has arranged for us to go to a house party at her friends house, the friend text me about it. I'm really hurt that my partner organised it with her friend without even mentioning it to me first. There was a couple of issues between me and her friend during the first couple of years of our relationship due to things her friend said or did that was disrespectful towards our relationship - we never have a row as such, just always a bit of awkwardness. We have been getting on better in the last 6 months or so although I definitely wouldn't say we're friends, just more two people in my partner's life who get along for her sake. Anyways am I overreacting about this? I feel it was a bit manipulative on my partner's behalf and I'm hurt by it, she says she didn't mean it like that, that she just thought it would be a bit of craic.

Yes, overreacting. If you were on neutral terms with your partner's friend, there wouldn't have been any red flag for your partner to pick up on. Also, you hadn't a decision made on what to do, which in my opinion leaves the door open for a situation of 'if no one else is having a party, we'll have it'. If you start questioning of every move your partner makes is manipulative of has some form of hidden agenda, that lack of trust is going to erode your own relationship.

LegacyUser

You were waiting to see what would come up, something came along. You're over reacting.

Panthro

Simple answer is yes. She's obviously aware you and her mate didn't get along so was picking her time to tell you.
Go to the party, be civil to the host, enjoy the celebrations, and be thankful you're not the one who has to clean up on NYD with a thundering headache!

Esse85

Your partner was proactive and took action to make plans while you sat back on the fence to "sit on it".

Not as if she cancelled ye're current plan to go along to her friends place.

Sounds like the bigger issue here is you being around her friend rather than your partner making a decision on behalf of both of you.

thomas anderson.

Yes

tara73

swirls306 wrote: »

Anyways now I found out that my partner has arranged for us to go to a house party at her friends house, the friend text me about it. I'm really hurt that my partner organised it with her friend without even mentioning it to me first.

no, you're not overreacting. she arranged this without asking you first whether you are ok with going there, additionally she knows you are not to comfortable around the host.

pretty bad style and I would be pretty miffed about it too. Have a word with her that this is not on! You might have agreed to go there but not without her fiiling you in in her plans.

"really hurt"? Comical overreaction.

Your SO sees you getting on better and better with her friend and says yes to an invite to a party when you didn't have any other plans. From her point of view, she's probably very happy that ye get on better now and possibly even had that as a reason to say yes to the invite.

What do you want her to do? Respond with "I better check if he likes you enough."?

osarusan

I might be mildly annoyed that she committed me to a plan without asking first, but that's it.

Professor Genius

Yes

swirls306

Thanks for the replies guys, I know you're right. I suppose the issue for me was that the friend hadn't planned on having a party, my partner suggested having the party to her. Just would have rather she had said to me first is all but I know deep down I'm overreacting.

fran38

IMO you're overreacting. Go to the party, have a drink, enjoy. There will be bigger relationship issues down the line to get miffed about no doubt.

Alf Veedersane

I wouldn't be really hurt about it nor do I think your partner was being manipulative.

I'd be slightly annoyed that (a) I wasn't asked as I think it's perfectly reasonable to be consulted about plans and (b) that i didn't hear it from my partner first.

But I think you're reading too much into it if you think it's manipulative and I don't think you should be 'really hurt' because your partner is seeing you get on in the last 6 months so it's not like she's forced you into something where she knows you'd be uncomfortable.

Jurgen Klopp

swirls306 wrote: »

Thanks for the replies guys, I know you're right. I suppose the issue for me was that the friend hadn't planned on having a party, my partner suggested having the party to her. Just would have rather she had said to me first is all but I know deep down I'm overreacting.

This is the right idea, your gfs friend gets landed with the messy house as opposed to ye

Your gf is cute out