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Office Mean Girls

  • 23-12-2019 6:42pm
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 86 ✭✭


    The title says it all, rather trivial but very worried it could all turn into a mess if not handled properly.
    I joined company one year ago, it’s small and culture is everything there - all young under 35 ish and we all sit in close proximity of one another. From day one this girl Mary befriended me, she was having a hard time and didn’t get along with many in the office (possibly red flag I ignored!). We went to lunches a lot together. It was tough because she didn’t get along with another girl Dana and I could never really ask her to go with us and felt awkward ever talking to her because she seemed to have so much hate towards her. Fast forward almost another year later and now they’re friends, which is great but I get left out. Mary had a birthday party and she didn’t invite me and I saw everyone from our office putting it on social media. This was really hurtful because I was her closest friend In the office when she got along with no one.
    We had an office party about a month ago and I was in the bathroom with Dana ( we were both drinking so both had drink on us) I asked her was there a big invite made to the party and mentioned I didn’t think I was invited. Then said I was glad they were finally friends, also said it was awkward for me in beginning not being able to invite her places. It was a less than 5 min convo and I asked her not to say anything and said I didn’t mean it to be vindictive or anything I just wanted to make sure I didn’t do anything on Mary I was unaware etc to not get invited to her bday brunch.
    I had a feeling mAybe Dana said something because I had noticed over the past month Mary had been avoiding me. We were all going to the Christmas party and I was in the elevator with Mary Dana and another friend and we were talking about drinking and I made a comment about how I couldn’t drink because of a medication I’m taking at the moment and Mary said, “good because you were talking mad **** on people last time you did” as in at the last outing. I kept quiet as I didn’t want to ruin anyone’s time or create drama before our work Christmas lunch. Our office is super close and any type of internal drama is not tolerated. Mary and Dana are top performers in the office and I am newer. It’s a sales environment so they are highly regarded which is why I’m writing this post in the first place and need to be careful.
    I have ignored the issue as much as I can but was fighting back tears at the Christmas lunch, it’s very hard not to feel uncomfortable. Should I pull Mary aside the next time
    I see her or send her a text? I should also mention she is a bit of a bully and has bullied our own director. I want to stay out of this office drama. We’re all in our 30s, it’s almost embarrassing reading this back! It’s been bothering me almost every day, I know it shouldn’t but I can understand that she is hurt if she does in fact think I was talking about her. I wish I could ignore it but after what happened I don’t think I can. She has a tendency to make brash comments quite openly like this so I’m worried she has told others in our office I’ve been starting drama. Just really looking how to escape with minimal impact, I have zero interest in maintaining any friendship with people like Mary or Dana and just want to get on with my career and not be seen as upsetting our culture.


Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,644 ✭✭✭✭punisher5112


    Don't take sides, go out with anyone and everyone for lunch etc... Suppose biggest mistake was just picking her.

    Spread yourself around and I would leave her off but be civil.

    Plenty more friendship out there.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 86 ✭✭mkhall


    Mods you can delete this now thanks for your reply punisher


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,211 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    I have zero interest in maintaining any friendship with people like Mary or Dana and just want to get on with my career and not be seen as upsetting our culture.

    Just do that. Go on your own for lunch.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,644 ✭✭✭✭punisher5112


    mkhall wrote: »
    Mods you can delete this now thanks for your reply punisher

    No problems at all... Something similar has happened most of us... Me included.

    You think you have a great friend and boom your ghosted or they end up making a fool out of you....

    People are such d1cks and you will know a good friend.

    Crappy situation for you op but don't show it hurts or she wins.

    Continue on like normal and you will make other friends as I said.

    Happy Christmas and Happy New Year


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 86 ✭✭mkhall


    Thanks guys, all my friends advice is to confront Dana for starting such unnecessary drama in first place but it will just open up a can of worms really and as punisher said I just should just be the bigger person and let her off.
    It’s going to always be awkward now going forward with us in such a small office because she really betrayed me, I didn’t even “talk ****” on Mary in the first place really. She started it. It’s all so stupid and secondary school. Just going to act nice to all going forward and maybe thinking of trying to clear the air with Mary extending an olive branch and telling her that I’m
    Sorry if she was mistaken but by her comment at the Christmas party it seemed as if she was under the impression I had said something about her and I hadn’t- just to clear the air so things don’t fester throughout the year, especially since we’re starting fresh in the new year! She really is difficult and has bullied our own director and I don’t want that for myself either


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  • Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 7,875 Mod ✭✭✭✭HildaOgdenx


    Don't take sides, go out with anyone and everyone for lunch etc... Suppose biggest mistake was just picking her.

    Spread yourself around and I would leave her off but be civil.

    Plenty more friendship out there.

    100% agree with this.
    It's telling, I think that she befriended you initially, and apparently couldn't get on with others.

    I would adopt my most professional attitude in all dealings with all concerned from here on, and steer clear of olive branch offerings or anything else. I know it's difficult when there is a small group but that kind of nonsense - in the workplace or anywhere else - would drive me insane.

    Hold your head high, go back in the New Year with determination to keep things professional and leave them to their games.


  • Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 7,875 Mod ✭✭✭✭HildaOgdenx


    Just to add, I would almost put money on it, that they won't be friends for very long, and one or other, or both will try to involve you in their drama.

    Steer clear, be polite and professional and nothing else.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,576 ✭✭✭Paddy Cow


    mkhall wrote: »
    Thanks guys, all my friends advice is to confront Dana for starting such unnecessary drama in first place but it will just open up a can of worms really and as punisher said I just should just be the bigger person and let her off.
    It’s going to always be awkward now going forward with us in such a small office because she really betrayed me, I didn’t even “talk ****” on Mary in the first place really. She started it. It’s all so stupid and secondary school. Just going to act nice to all going forward and maybe thinking of trying to clear the air with Mary extending an olive branch and telling her that I’m
    Sorry if she was mistaken but by her comment at the Christmas party it seemed as if she was under the impression I had said something about her and I hadn’t- just to clear the air so things don’t fester throughout the year, especially since we’re starting fresh in the new year! She really is difficult and has bullied our own director and I don’t want that for myself either
    This is terrible advice and will only make things worse. It was bad form for Mary to ditch you when she became friends with Dana and not inviting you to the party was beyond petty but you dragged Dana into it when you told her you found it awkward when Mary and her didn't get along and asked her not to tell Mary. Of course she was going to say it to Mary.

    If you hadn't said that to Dana you'd have done nothing wrong but you did and the best thing you can do for yourself now is be polite but distant to them and let this all blow over. You will never be friends with either of them and in a few years this job will just be a distant memory.


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 181 ✭✭Sarahdunners


    Do not apologise to Mary!

    You did not do anything wrong.

    If you apologise to bullies - they will keep doing it.

    Ignore her or Stand up to her


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,612 ✭✭✭✭Ash.J.Williams


    Is there any men you can hang out with until the drama disappears?


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,743 ✭✭✭Wanderer2010


    Is there any men you can hang out with until the drama disappears?

    If you think men aren't gossipy or cause drama in the workplace you have an awful lot to learn.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 86 ✭✭mkhall


    Paddy Cow wrote: »
    This is terrible advice and will only make things worse. It was bad form for Mary to ditch you when she became friends with Dana and not inviting you to the party was beyond petty but you dragged Dana into it when you told her you found it awkward when Mary and her didn't get along and asked her not to tell Mary. Of course she was going to say it to Mary.

    If you hadn't said that to Dana you'd have done nothing wrong but you did and the best thing you can do for yourself now is be polite but distant to them and let this all blow over. You will never be friends with either of them and in a few years this job will just be a distant memory.

    I should never have said anything to her I get that but I didn’t really drag her into anything because I wasn’t talking sh*t. I just said I thought it was nice they were friends now and I’m sorry that it was awkward previously with her not getting invited to things and I hoped I never made her feel that way. I said well look don’t repeat it because the last thing id want is it for her to think I’m talking about her; I just wanted to see if it was a casual thing before I asked her is all. Not a big deal at all so I never thought there was any drama for Dana to repeat. She’s gone and took it upon herself to twist it into me talking about her. What part do you mean is terrible advice?
    I’m just saying nothing and acting professionally


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,576 ✭✭✭Paddy Cow


    mkhall wrote: »
    I should never have said anything to her I get that but I didn’t really drag her into anything because I wasn’t talking sh*t. I just said I thought it was nice they were friends now and I’m sorry that it was awkward previously with her not getting invited to things and I hoped I never made her feel that way. I said well look don’t repeat it because the last thing id want is it for her to think I’m talking about her; I just wanted to see if it was a casual thing before I asked her is all. Not a big deal at all so I never thought there was any drama for Dana to repeat. She’s gone and took it upon herself to twist it into me talking about her. What part do you mean is terrible advice?
    I’m just saying nothing and acting professionally
    It wasn't a big deal to you but honestly, if someone came up to me and asked if my friend had a problem with them and told me it was awkward at first because my now friend had a problem with me in the beginning and asked me not to tell them, at the very least I'd be confused and ask my friend outright what was going on. I get that you had drink on you and it was a bad judgement call but it's done now. The advice I think is terrible is to try and talk it out further with Dana. It will only cause more drama.

    Here's the thing. You didn't want Mary to think you were talking about her but you were actually talking about her. You don't know how Dana relayed that information. Maybe she did twist it or maybe Mary over reacted. We don't know. All we know is that Mary didn't like it and you're better off staying away from both of them. Anyone childish enough to deliberately exclude you isn't worth your time anyway.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,389 ✭✭✭h2005


    I’d just be civil with them and keep your interaction professional. There’s nothing to be gained from discussing this further with them. I’d skip the company outings that involve drink for a while also


This discussion has been closed.
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