I hate this time of year

LegacyUser

I hate this time of year, all it does is remind me of how lonely I am. I come from a dysfunctional family so I don’t ever have any of the happy family experiences it seems everyone else does, and it just makes me feel more alone. My housemates have been having a great few days, meeting up with all their friends and family and having lots on but I’ve had nothing and its embarrassing. I’m generally quite a fun and sociable person but my life just feels empty for some reason. I also went through a break up recently which doesn’t help. I just really want it to be over and done with so I don’t have to feel so alone.

santana75

You got a lot of replies for this one mate.......I think this is the sort of post most people don't want to even look at. It's like homeless people, a lot of the time people walk by them on the street not wanting to even think about it. There but the grace of God go I.......I can relate to your situation though. I come from a dysfunctional family where everyone has gone their separate ways. I used to feel the way you do but after a while you are faced with a choice: Fall deeper and deeper into misery and self pity or do something different at Christmas. Option 1 goes no place good, trust me on that. Option 2 is the only choice that will lead you to joy and meaning. One of the 10 commandments is Thou shalt not covet. This is a commandment for a very good reason. It's there to protect you from the misery of comparing. Again, that road leads no place good. You're looking at everyone around you and feeling unhappy because it seems like they have so much compared to you. I used to do this too but eventually I kopped on and got wise. When you see people who have what you don't, wish them well. You don't have to say it to them or anything like that, just quietly to yourself. Believe me this will have a profound effect on you, for the good. Wish everyone well and resist the urge to compare. But also notice the people around you who don't have anything or anyone. The street beggars sitting in the cold holding out paper cups. Look at them as you pass them and say hello. Treat them like an equal, like a fellow human being. You could go into a shop and buy them a sandwich. Trust me they'll appreciate it. And if you do this something magical will happen: those feelings of loneliness you have will vanish! And you'll realise something aswell, that it's not about what you get from anyone, it's about what you give away. I promise if you go out onto the streets and give to those who have nothing and who nobody cares about, you will achieve real meaning and your own feelings of having less than others will disappear. Give it all away my friend. Give away kindness and goodwill and your troubles will be gone.

molly09

santana75 That is really good advice and something that I really needed to hear today.

OP I hope you are feeling better xx

I know it is a difficult time of the year but I try and keep telling myself that regardless there is still only 24 hours in a day and the days will come to a end !

Stateofyou

A great many of us have dysfunctional families, either that we don't see at all or that are suffered through for as little days in the year as possible. I've learned it's very common and certainly exists in my own life too. It's nothing to be embarassed about, we all come from different walks of life. It will take time to build up a network of support for yourself but many do and will only thrive in the absence of toxicity. Of course you're going to feel low after a breakup too, and its made more difficult when you don't have a strong support system to lift you up. When we're going through personal difficulties the holiday season just amplifies it. Also don't believe everything you see and especially on social media - it's often not real or at least the whole picture. Try to be happy for your housemates as best you can, life can change so quickly. Be kind to yourself and look after yourself as you would for someone you love. You deserve it. Happy Christmas and chin up, things will turn around.

LegacyUser

I'm sorry to read you are having a difficult time. Please remember Christmas day, it's just one day. TV, magazines, media - they all push this idea of what Christmas is supposed to be. They protray Christmas as social gatherings and parties, new clothes to wear to all these parties, shopping til you drop, etc. It's false to protray this but they have an aim to sell, sell, sell and make profits. If everybody followed every aspect of Christmas that the media pushes, there would be a lot of trouble come January with no money, possibly no energy, maybe even in debt. It's just not realistic to buy into it all.

The media doesn't show the many different make ups of families. There are families who are not alone in principle but who are very alone eg domestic violence. There will be people where their only gift this year is a day without a beating. There will be families with loved ones sick in hospital.

If you work full time, treat Christmas day for what it is. A day off like a bank holiday. I hope you have some nice food in for yourself and something nice to treat yourself with like a hot bubblebath followed by some mulled wine and a dvd or a book. There is so much fuss over Christmas. It's crazy. Make the day yours.

Someone to follow on social media is Brian Kennedy, the singer. He is or was estranged from his family. Do a search for him on the Google news and you will read some articles. I thought it was lovely how he met up with his brother after 20 years. From what I read, there were no words spoken about the past or what drove the estrangement, just a stillness and a peace between the two of them.

Have you sought out counseling so that you can become content with your position?

leggo

I totally get it OP and I’ve felt that way certain Christmases myself (though generally I love it). If you feel like everyone else is having this amazing time and you’re not, though, talk to someone who works in the emergency services about what it’s like to work Christmas Day. Fights, fights and more fights between families. It’s not all happiness and light, not by a long stretch. There’s an image people feel they have to keep up on social media that’d leave you with that impression for sure though.

But for what I’d say is the majority, it’s neither amazing or terrible and just a day that happens. It is what you make of it, so instead of weighing it up against everyone else’s, why not just do something that makes you happy as you would a normal day off? Be it switching the phone off and watching movies, playing video games, going for walks, whatever works for you. You don’t have to have a ‘Christmas’, but there’s nothing to say you can’t just have a nice day off.

cj maxx

I'm not a fan of Christmas either OP. I hate the hypocrisy of people hugging and wishing you all the luck etc. All I've met are people who feather their nest and prey on my gullible nature.
I've absolutely hated this Christmas