Dismissive work colleague

castlegrange19

I've recently started in a new company, I found this colleague very friendly the first day but now she doesn't speak to me, unless she has to. She grunts hello in the mornings, if I ask her something she stares at me and never smiles, and is snippy with her answer.

She was to train me in but she was very vague showing me anything, she wouldn't sit in with me just talked across the desk how to do a certain project, I asked her politely if she would mind sitting in with me for 20 mins and this was all new to me and she told me she was too busy.

Then there was one day last week she was chatting with me, telling me bout her holidays and what she done over the weekend, she never looks at me when she is talking to me. The next day she didn't speak to me for the whole day. I was confused. I tried to start a conversation and she just stared at me and turned away.
In the beginning the first few days she invited me to lunch and then that just stopped she would get up and go without saying anything.
I'm always polite and would chat to anyone and am very friendly, but I can just sense that she does not like me. Fair enough not everyone is going to like you that's okay but how do you react to a colleague that you know doesn't like you?
She did ask me the first day I started what college I went to I said I didn't go to college I done a course and she was telling me she went to college and has a masters.

I find her rude towards me, somedays if I ask her something she gives smart answers and I feel uncomfortable around her cos I don't know what way to take her. She'd be yapping away to other people in the office no problem. Id love to ask her out straight if she doesn't like me for some reason, but I don't want to come across childish. I get on well with everyone else in the office. She just seems to have a problem with me. It's bit hurtful when i'm nothing but polite to her.

what way would you handle this one?

lozenges

Just ignore her. Don't engage with her, don't start conversations with her, don't go to sit next to her at lunch or whatever. If she starts chatting to you give her brief answers and then excuse yourself. Only speak to her if it's a work related query and there's noone else in the office you could ask.

Don't be openly rude, just don't engage.
Also do any of the other new work colleagues seem nice? Could you try to make friends with any of them?

castlegrange19

lozenges wrote: »

Just ignore her. Don't engage with her, don't start conversations with her, don't go to sit next to her at lunch or whatever. If she starts chatting to you give her brief answers and then excuse yourself. Only speak to her if it's a work related query and there's noone else in the office you could ask.

Don't be openly rude, just don't engage.
Also do any of the other new work colleagues seem nice? Could you try to make friends with any of them?

all the other colleagues are lovely, its not to do with making friends. My problem is that I work directly with her , the two of us on a team and she is very dismissive towards me. I don't know should I be overly nice to her or drop down to her level and treat her the way she treats me. I never know what way to take her. although she is not my boss she talks down to me.

Odelay

castlegrange19 wrote: »

all the other colleagues are lovely, its not to do with making friends. My problem is that I work directly with her , the two of us on a team and she is very dismissive towards me. I don't know should I be overly nice to her or drop down to her level and treat her the way she treats me. I never know what way to take her. although she is not my boss she talks down to me.

Is there a high staff turnover there? If there is she’s probably sick of new people and probably feels it’s a waste of her time training someone new in when they’ll be gone is six months based on past performance.

Xterminator

I would simply strive to excel at my job.

nothing you say will improve this person. you can only control how you act/react. Be polite and dont share personal information.

castlegrange19

Odelay wrote: »

Is there a high staff turnover there? If there is she’s probably sick of new people and probably feels it’s a waste of her time training someone new in when they’ll be gone is six months based on past performance.

So this is a reason to be rude to someone?? are you for real??

They don't seem to have a high turn over , its a medium sized company people seem to be here a good few years, what i'm told anyway.

zapper55

lozenges wrote: »

Just ignore her. Don't engage with her, don't start conversations with her, don't go to sit next to her at lunch or whatever. If she starts chatting to you give her brief answers and then excuse yourself. Only speak to her if it's a work related query and there's noone else in the office you could ask.

100% this.

Your response just now was quite dramatic. Are they for real? Yup maybe they are fed up of training new people, maybe they are shy and take a while to warm up to someone, maybe you are very outgoing and it makes them uncomfortable. There could be a million reasons.

I roll my eyes a bit internally when a newbie comes in full of enthusiasm. Maybe you need to chill a bit. She doesn't have to be your friend.

Calypso Realm

Xterminator wrote: »

I would simply strive to excel at my job.
.

Actually I'm wondering if she might perceive you as a threat?

It might be useful to sound other people (when you feel comfortable enough with them to do so) there out about what she's like with others, in particular the last person she trained. You may well find, as can often be the case, she was like that with your predecessor too!

Batgurl

castlegrange19 wrote: »

So this is a reason to be rude to someone?? are you for real??

They don't seem to have a high turn over , its a medium sized company people seem to be here a good few years, what i'm told anyway.

Different people have different personalities. One persons cold and rude, is another persons hardworking and stoic. You need to understand this persons personality and match your interactions.

For example, if they don’t engage in idle chit chat, don’t prattle on to them about what you did on the weekend. If they look busy, ask them if they can grab you when they have a moment; don’t expect them to drop everything for you.

Also, if this person is a peer, not a manager, why are you asking them questions anyway? Either go to your manager or get on with it. You were hired as you were deemed to have the skills to do the job, so needing to be sat with seems unnecessary.

You also should take into account that a persons treatment of you may not necessarily be because of something you did. Perhaps they are going through a tough time at home, or are having health problems, or are simply hungover. Being mindful that the world doesn’t always revolve around you is a huge learning curve for anyone.

Stateofyou

It sounds like she sees you as a threat, or is jealous. Is there a chance that you're in a role that she sees you in the way of, or in competition for?Years ago when I was in a new workplace, a colleague who was at the same level I was treated me in a similar manner. It turned out I was hired because he couldn't do the work that was needed, and although he was on the way out, he deliberately mismanaged my training and in a way bullied me by being openly friendly to everyone but me, and talked to me like absolute crap, rolled eyes at me, refused to work with me in certain processes, etc.

Although you won't be close friends with everyone you work with, I don't believe that an attitude like you describe is one that is acceptable in the workplace. I would expect everyone in my department to at least be welcoming, pleasant enough (as it affects morale and causes other issues if not), and a team player - telling you she is too busy if she was to train you in just isn't on. You shouldn't have to seek help or information from someone else because she's unapproachable, it sounds like it's part of her job to train you. If she were a member of my staff, I would have a talk with her about her behavior and put her on a performance improvement plan in necessary.

In your case I would keep a detailed log. Get a little notebook, and every time something like you described happens, write down the date and exactly what happened. In my case things came to a head one day in a meeting and it led to separate meetings with the director. I was able to talk to her using specific examples and number of times it had happened thanks to having kept track of it. Better to be looking at it than looking for it. Best of luck, try not to let her knock your confidence.

lainey_d_123

zapper55 wrote: »

100% this.

Your response just now was quite dramatic. Are they for real? Yup maybe they are fed up of training new people, maybe they are shy and take a while to warm up to someone, maybe you are very outgoing and it makes them uncomfortable. There could be a million reasons.

I roll my eyes a bit internally when a newbie comes in full of enthusiasm. Maybe you need to chill a bit. She doesn't have to be your friend.

Well, it's pretty clear who the negative, unpleasant person in your office is.

OP, just try to ignore her unless you need to interact. When you do interact, be polite and professional...no need to either return her rudeness or pander to her childish attitude.

pew

Id just ignore her TBH. If you need ask anything, just be polite and professional, don't stoop to her level.

castlegrange19

zapper55 wrote: »

100% this.

I roll my eyes a bit internally when a newbie comes in full of enthusiasm. Maybe you need to chill a bit. She doesn't have to be your friend.

My God that says a lot about you, there is no need to be rude to anyone, it doesn't cost anything to be nice.
Also, if you read my posts I mentioned twice , I am not looking for a friend. I just don't understand rudeness.

castlegrange19

Batgurl wrote: »

Also, if this person is a peer, not a manager, why are you asking them questions anyway? Either go to your manager or get on with it. You were hired as you were deemed to have the skills to do the job, so needing to be sat with seems unnecessary.

.

every company has different ways of doing projects, when you start in any company you are shown how they do things, different systems etc. My manager told me this girl will be training me in on their systems etc
anyway that's all irrelevant to my post, I am asking how to deal with a rude work colleague.

andekwarhola

zapper55 wrote: »

100% this.

Your response just now was quite dramatic. Are they for real? Yup maybe they are fed up of training new people, maybe they are shy and take a while to warm up to someone, maybe you are very outgoing and it makes them uncomfortable. There could be a million reasons.

I roll my eyes a bit internally when a newbie comes in full of enthusiasm. Maybe you need to chill a bit. She doesn't have to be your friend.

Zero excuse to be rude to a colleague without reason, especially a new one avs somebody in your own team. That from somebody that has a team and our company has had periods of high turnover.

Also, I'd be willing to show anybody how to do stuff even if not on my team. It reflects badly on people that are unwilling to help others out and it's noticed.

barney shamrock

No matter where you work there will always be some cnut you don't get on with.

The White Wolf

Best thing you can do is ignore because if you were to confront her she'd probably spoof you off about being paranoid.

If I had to guess I'd be certain she's a chip on her shoulder over money. Would you say you were brought in on good money compared to the role? How long has she been working there? For all you know you might have come into the place on better money than her hence her attitude. I've seen it before.

cloudatlas

I think the lunch thing was just courtesy in your first week and it’s fine that she’s stopped going with you.

Some of this sounds like borderline bullying type behaviour, staring at someone who is talking to you and turning away, not helping to train you, smart comments. I wouldn’t ask her if she doesn’t like you. That gives bullies power. I’d accept that she doesn’t want to be best pals and be coldly professional to her from now on.

It’s sounds like she’s a bit competitive as well and that may explain it, telling you she went to uni, not helping you and not looking you in the eye. Intimidated by you coming in maybe.

If her refusal to help train you is affecting your work performance then approach your manager.