what should i do

LegacyUser

There was this girl at work I took a liking to, she worked in a different department from me and we used to go to coffee in work from time to time. I asked her out and we went out for food and drinks on one occasion. Nothing developed from there and since I was instigating 90% of the texting I decided to stop so the contact stopped . She has since left the company and up until recently she had become a distance memory. Since then I have focused on myself, I have lost a lot of weight and gotten in great shape, got a promotion in work. Bought my own house and a nice new car. Yesterday I got a text from her asking me how are things and wished me a merry Christmas. I am reluctant to text back because I had it bad for her and she turned me down and now that she sees I'm doing well for myself its not me but what I have that's attracted her back. Would appreciate opinions

how would she know any of these things about you? i don't know that anyone keeps tabs on who's buying cars.
maybe it's just an xmas text? are you sure you're not just annoyed she rejected you and you are projecting a bit?

mikemac2

Was that text for you do you think or was it a simple message to all her address book? Some people do that at Christmas, New Year’s Eve etc

I know she asked how are you but that can be in any mass text

w/s/p/c/

No harm in texting her back? Tell her all is going well and you hope that she has a good Christmas. If she didn't fancy you, so be it. Maybe you can be friends. I wouldn't be holding a grudge, life is too short.

redfox123

How would she know about all these improvements? Are you connected on social media and she would see? If youre sure it was a personal message and not a generic happy Christmas then of course reply. How did she ‘turn you down’? The texting petered out, you don’t know what was going on with her she may have not wanted to get involved with someone from work, may have been just out of a relationship, just not in the head space etc.

A text doesn’t mean she wants to start something with you so don’t look too much into it. But be friendly you never know. And nothing comes of it then let it be, but drop the ‘she only wants me for what I have’ thing. She probably is more attracted to you now you’re in great shape, thats kind of normal? Nothing wrong with that, you have to be physically attracted to someone to be romantically interested in them.

LuciX

what should i do wrote: »

Yesterday I got a text from her asking me how are things and wished me a merry Christmas. I am reluctant to text back because I had it bad for her and she turned me down and now that she sees I'm doing well for myself its not me but what I have that's attracted her back. Would appreciate opinions

Go with your gut OP.

For some it might he a coincidence she magically reappeared now you are in good shape and have a home and a nice car.

She hasd months to check how you are doing (if she was genuine) but she picked this time of year.

Open your eyes, trust the little voice inside your head and stir away from gold diggers.

Jurgen Klopp

I don't know I wouldn't be sending out a generic happy Xmas text with a how are things attached.

Maybe she does know you've bought a house and nice car since and is a gold digger, it happens like.

It's more likely I would wager though:

1. She had you on back burner before and it didn't work out with whoever else and she's back trying to use you as a backup

2. She's feeling bored or down and wants a little ego boost

ManOfMystery

I see no harm in texting her back and wishing her a Merry Xmas also, it is the season of goodwill after all.

But I would leave it like that, rather than with a question or trying to open a conversation. Maybe she's only being friendly.

fishy_fishy

Jurgen Klopp wrote: »

I don't know I wouldn't be sending out a generic happy Xmas text with a how are things attached.

Maybe she does know you've bought a house and nice car since and is a gold digger, it happens like.

It's more likely I would wager though:

1. She had you on back burner before and it didn't work out with whoever else and she's back trying to use you as a backup

2. She's feeling bored or down and wants a little ego boost

Or

3. She thinks you're a nice person, Christmas had her thinking about friends and family so she thought "oh I wonder how he's doing? Would be nice to get back in touch".

OP admits he fell hard for her, but from her perspective it could be that she went on a couple of dates with a friend from work, nothing came of it but they were on good terms last time they spoke.

or she could be a gold digger, or anywhere inbetween.

However, considering the OP's background of falling hard for her, I think he should respond in a quite closed manner along the lines of "Hi Jane, many happy returns. All well here, hope you're doing well."

Not responding would be a bit rude, but do protect yourself emotionally. Wouldn't go agreeing to meet up over Christmas (if she suggested it).

Earleybird

"Same to you, hope you're keeping well".

daheff

It might just be that's she's very shy and couldn't instigate conversation.... especially because she really liked you. This could be a big step for her.


Or she might just be nice & trying to keep in touch.

If you didn't end on bad terms then there is no harm in at least being polite back.

The White Wolf

Just text her back and say all is well, or ignore the text. No foul either way

I'm not sure why you would think she's aware of your new self. Are you posting on social media a lot?

Xterminator

So she never did anything bad or wrong? It just petered out, and it sounds lke you were more invested than she was.

Why then do you assume the worst motives to her actions?

Batgurl

What should you do?

With your poor attitude and egotistical thinking, I recommend you leave that poor girl alone. She’s had a lucky escape.

You said she was a colleague and you went for coffee a few times and food and drinks once. Shes not obliged to fancy someone she does that with, you know that right? She could have just been friendly. I’ve literally done that with tens of colleagues and never once thought any of them were dates.

And even now, she is again being friendly with her Christmas message, and you automatically think she’s got an ulterior motive, just because you were butthurt from being “turned down” (side question-did you even tell her you fancy her?) the last time?

Leave the poor girl alone.

Calypso Realm

what should i do wrote: »

I asked her out and we went out for food and drinks on one occasion. Nothing developed from there and since I was instigating 90% of the texting I decided to stop so the contact stopped

Actually how exactly did she turn you down? Did you make it clear it was a date and not just a work colleague outing? You see, from her point of view your romantic intentions may not have been clear, esp if you didn't follow up with another date. Of course, none of us can know for sure how she felt but even so something to consider! How long ago did she leave the company?

I have to say though that while some throw caution to the wind where dating is concerned, you sound very cynical indeed. Not a very attractive trait, at all! I can't say that having a promotion, car or house would make someone I'm not already attracted to, more attractive. I know many others like this!

I would most certainly reply to her text. Something cheerful and friendly and preferably with another question and see how she responds.

santana75

Batgurl wrote: »

What should you do?

With your poor attitude and egotistical thinking, I recommend you leave that poor girl alone. She’s had a lucky escape.

You said she was a colleague and you went for coffee a few times and food and drinks once. Shes not obliged to fancy someone she does that with, you know that right? She could have just been friendly. I’ve literally done that with tens of colleagues and never once thought any of them were dates.

And even now, she is again being friendly with her Christmas message, and you automatically think she’s got an ulterior motive, just because you were butthurt from being “turned down” (side question-did you even tell her you fancy her?) the last time?

Leave the poor girl alone.

What on earth is this? That is the most bitter, lopsided and unhelpful response I've seen in a long time. I think maybe you're seeing things a way that's not reflective or in touch with reality.
OP like someone said, go with your intuition.

Ballso

what should i do wrote: »

There was this girl at work I took a liking to, she worked in a different department from me and we used to go to coffee in work from time to time. I asked her out and we went out for food and drinks on one occasion. Nothing developed from there and since I was instigating 90% of the texting I decided to stop so the contact stopped . She has since left the company and up until recently she had become a distance memory. Since then I have focused on myself, I have lost a lot of weight and gotten in great shape, got a promotion in work. Bought my own house and a nice new car. Yesterday I got a text from her asking me how are things and wished me a merry Christmas. I am reluctant to text back because I had it bad for her and she turned me down and now that she sees I'm doing well for myself its not me but what I have that's attracted her back. Would appreciate opinions

You've improved yourself and now attract women that you previously didn't. Why treat this as a negative and blank this woman out of spite? Makes no sense.

Snotty

Batgurl wrote: »

What should you do?

With your poor attitude and egotistical thinking, I recommend you leave that poor girl alone. She’s had a lucky escape.

You said she was a colleague and you went for coffee a few times and food and drinks once. Shes not obliged to fancy someone she does that with, you know that right? She could have just been friendly. I’ve literally done that with tens of colleagues and never once thought any of them were dates.

And even now, she is again being friendly with her Christmas message, and you automatically think she’s got an ulterior motive, just because you were butthurt from being “turned down” (side question-did you even tell her you fancy her?) the last time?

Leave the poor girl alone.

You have a lot of issues and seem to be projecting them onto the OP, don't blame the OP for your problems.

cloudatlas

Ballso wrote: »

You've improved yourself and now attract women that you previously didn't. Why treat this as a negative and blank this woman out of spite? Makes no sense.

That ‘how are you?’ Text escalated quickly.

cloudatlas

Your post drips with arrogance and the tired old cliche of women as the ‘gold digger’ because obviously the car and the new house is so irresistible that a woman would pimp themselves out to someone they didn’t find attractive in the first place??? Seriously this woman left the company because she was poor and has no money or means to provide for herself and we are now living in a third world country where materialistic wealth attracts a partner because women have zero agency in modern day Ireland? Or did she get a new job?

It’s more likely that she didn’t think the drink was a date or she thought you were decent enough to be friends with despite the fact that the date didn’t go well.

Quite honestly with your low opinion of women I’d stay away from her.

ILoveYourVibes

Let her go...was my first reaction Anyone who lets you do 90% of the texting etc.




She is probably nice etc. But you seem to be in a better place without her. Maybe that is telling you something.

Sometimes things are not meant to be.

If there is a little voice in your head saying ..'I don't want her anymore ' or i dunno

If she didn't want me then ....i have moved on etc than just leave it. Its not good to have that resentment and both you and her deserve better. Plenty more fish in the sea etc.

If however you really do like her still with an open heart ..and trust she likes you for the right reasons...just give her a text.

There will be plenty of others though...so don't worry.

Not every crush has to turn into something.

I understand your feeling ...you were vulnerable ...before ...it might have helped you feel close to her if you could have shared that vulnerability with her ...being built up in life ..well its kind of like a bit of Armour ...its progress and necessary ..but it can put distance between you and your past and distance between you and the way you USED to feel about people ...so in a way ..those people feel less close ..does that makes sense sorry if i sound cray cray!!!!

Don't worry about it ...you will have plenty more vulnerabilities and plenty more people you will have it real bad for.


Also she only said HAPPY CHRISTMAS etc...i mean its not like she asked you out etc. It might not mean that much to her.

No i don't think she is a bad person etc . But the emotional timing maybe means it wasn't meant to be..unless you TRULY feel it is freely in your heart ...and you don't hold anything back. But i can understand if you feel the time to build that closeness has passed

Sorry for ranting!

cj maxx

Reply to her. It would be rude not to. Casual, and don't get all these romantic ideas in your head. As for meeting up if its proposed only do it if there's a gang of you so it's not a date per se.
Oh and lose the 'look at how successful' I'm now attitude.
And don't hold grudges. People change . Both of you have

GeetarPick

Batgurl wrote: »

What should you do?

With your poor attitude and egotistical thinking, I recommend you leave that poor girl alone. She’s had a lucky escape.

You said she was a colleague and you went for coffee a few times and food and drinks once. Shes not obliged to fancy someone she does that with, you know that right? She could have just been friendly. I’ve literally done that with tens of colleagues and never once thought any of them were dates.

And even now, she is again being friendly with her Christmas message, and you automatically think she’s got an ulterior motive, just because you were butthurt from being “turned down” (side question-did you even tell her you fancy her?) the last time?

Leave the poor girl alone.

Seek help.

OP the worst you can do is text back and leave it at that. If she continues contact then you could be onto a winner. If not it's no loss.