Farmers wife help thread

annettea

Need help being a farmers wife basically. I'd like to help out as I can.
I don't come from a farming background and from the town so I haven't a clue.
What do fellow wives do? This is going to be my third year in. I'm not getting any better at it. My meal times are off as they're too close to getting dark, what time is suitable? For Summer/Winter? In summer I usually bring dinner down to him as he is cutting silage somewhere but that's not all the time so what do you do in the Summer?
I'm also finding it hard to transition from town to country life. Its easier in town as everything is close by instead of travelling a distance to get somewhere.
Maybe I'm over thinking but a few tips would be brilliant.
Also what's a great Christmas present?
Thank you

TheMilkyPirate

annettea wrote: »

Also what's a great Christmas present?
Thank you

A new wife by the sounds of it.

NSAman

Ask him?

Waffletraktor

The term is ‘farming widow’

solerina

TheMilkyPirate wrote: »

A new wife by the sounds of it.

3rd year in...so not exactly new !!

annettea

TheMilkyPirate wrote: »

A new wife by the sounds of it.

Haha sometimes I think the same.

Millionaire only not

solerina wrote: »

3rd year in...so not exactly new !!

Give the girl a chance , u probably make up for it in the bedroom so ur every farmers dream ! Lol

annettea

NSAman wrote: »

Ask him?

I have asked , he thinks I'm doing just fine. I don't so I'm looking for some help.

NSAman

annettea wrote: »

I have asked , he thinks I'm doing just fine. I don't so I'm looking for some help.

Well, obviously he is happy so you cant be doing too bad! Relax a little enjoy it, he seems to be.

downtown3858

The most important bit of advice I can offer is to be there for him and to talk. A lot of farmers work alone and can get very lonesome and can be become unsocial. Farm work can be very stressful at certain times of the year so make sure to talk and ask plenty of questions to make sure he’s feeling ok and the mental health side of things is fine. It’s great to talk

If your looking to learn which you seem to be... you will be fine!

sillysmiles

He's a farmer, not incapable of reading a clock. If you say dinner is going to be ready at a certain time - then it is his business to be there or heat it up later. You are a wife not a servant. Do you work off farm?
Oh and I am from a farming background.

K.G.

My advice is when he comes in tonight ask him to turn around and give a fine kick up the backside.everything is a two way street and half the time if fellas stood back and thought abiut whats important they d be alot better off.i put in long days at times but it cant be that way all the time

kerryjack

You sound great allready it's been a long time since I got a cup of tea made for me. It reminds when I was a young lad well over 40 years ago I was working for a farmer and we were bailing hay and his new wife came with the tae and sandwiches and we stoped and sat down and after about 20 minutes it started raining and he started fucccking the poor women for bringing the tae. The poor women was very embarrassed and upset it wouldn't happen now days that's for sure.

Millionaire only not

K.G. wrote: »

My advice is when he comes in tonight ask him to turn around and give a fine kick up the backside.everything is a two way street and half the time if fellas stood back and thought abiut whats important they d be alot better off.i put in long days at times but it cant be that way all the time

I thought when u started ur message it was turn around and give him a back rub ! Take off his boots massage his feet , hot supper , early night dressed in Ann summer’s finest - lol

the hedgeman

Millionaire only not wrote: »

I thought when u started ur message it was turn around and give him a back rub ! Take off his boots massage his feet , hot supper , early night dressed in Ann summer’s finest - lol

You might get that treatment if you were a ACTUAL millionaire without the only not.....

Millionaire only not

the hedgeman wrote: »

You might get that treatment if you were a ACTUAL millionaire without the only not.....

Millionaire was never the problem holding on to it was ! Lol

Welding Rod

First 25 years is the hardest. It will be grand from year 26 onwards. You won’t feel it now.

annettea

annettea wrote: »

Need help being a farmers wife basically. I'd like to help out as I can.
I don't come from a farming background and from the town so I haven't a clue.
What do fellow wives do? This is going to be my third year in. I'm not getting any better at it. My meal times are off as they're too close to getting dark, what time is suitable? For Summer/Winter? In summer I usually bring dinner down to him as he is cutting silage somewhere but that's not all the time so what do you do in the Summer?
I'm also finding it hard to transition from town to country life. Its easier in town as everything is close by instead of travelling a distance to get somewhere.
Maybe I'm over thinking but a few tips would be brilliant.
Also what's a great Christmas present?
Thank you

I grew up in a rural, farming area but have been living in cities for nearly 20 years now. I completely understand your difficulties transitioning from town to country life. This time next week when back home I'll be having withdrawal symptoms from being away from a 24 hour tesco for so long.

As a result I can see both sides of the coin, and both town and country have their appeals. Can I give you some suggestions:

- Find a social outlet. In days gone by that would have been the creamery and all the gossip and social outlet happened there but those days are gone. Find a club, a class, be a leader with the scouts. Anything. Find something for you.

- put together a rough meal plan for dinners each week. Try and tie it in with his schedule, but stuff that allows wiggle room with how long it can stay warm.

- Get a slow cooker. Actually, get two, they aren't expensive.

- I alluded to the 24 hour tesco earlier. Do one big shop a week, set out your meal plan before you go shopping and so know what you need to get for the week. Adjust the meal plan as suits.

- Get to know producers in the area. A leg of lamb in Tesco might be a tenner, but could be free from Mary next door(in rural terms I know next door could be several hectares away)

- If you dont have one already get a chest freezer. The left over pasta and Ragu from tonights dinner can get bagged and frozen and become a very quick dinner some night he comes in late (which happens)

-Start with a small herb garden and expand it. Mary next door is more likely to give you a free leg of lamb if you give her a sack of spuds or nice carrots.

- Make jam. I live in a teeny weeny apartment in Dublin and make rosemary jam from home grown rosemary regularly.

Thats all for now. I hope I don't sound patronising with any of the, to you, obvious suggestions. Let me say one last thing: I am sure you are doing a terrific job and your husband appreciates what you do. Life is not easy wherever you are, but it sounds like you have the right attitude to overcome it.

Say my name

annettea wrote: »

Need help being a farmers wife basically. I'd like to help out as I can.
I don't come from a farming background and from the town so I haven't a clue.
What do fellow wives do? This is going to be my third year in. I'm not getting any better at it. My meal times are off as they're too close to getting dark, what time is suitable? For Summer/Winter? In summer I usually bring dinner down to him as he is cutting silage somewhere but that's not all the time so what do you do in the Summer?
I'm also finding it hard to transition from town to country life. Its easier in town as everything is close by instead of travelling a distance to get somewhere.
Maybe I'm over thinking but a few tips would be brilliant.
Also what's a great Christmas present?
Thank you

Usually the dinner times where I'm from it's 1 p.m. but that could be 11.30 a.m. sometimes if I won't be there at 1 or alternatively it could be 2 p.m. if I'm not there from 11.30 till 2 p.m.
The dinner is always accompanied by steamed potatoes. One or two does me.
Butter and sea salt goes onto said potatoes. Even if it's lasagne or shepherds pie it's still accompanied by potatoes.

If you were buying me a Christmas present I'd be looking for a soil penetrometer but it mightnt be your husband's idea of a welcome gift.
Everyone's different so whatever quirky thing or mundane, he's interested in.

Odelay

sillysmiles wrote: »

He's a farmer, not incapable of reading a clock. If you say dinner is going to be ready at a certain time - then it is his business to be there or heat it up later. You are a wife not a servant. Do you work off farm?
Oh and I am from a farming background.

He’s not a servant either. Two way street.

Jb1989

Odelay wrote: »

He’s not a servant either. Two way street.

Let him make his own dinner if he's not a servant

wrangler

Odelay wrote: »

He’s not a servant either. Two way street.

It's inconsiderate to make a habit of not being there at meal times, once in a while maybe but persisting is thoughtless.

annettea

Deleted User wrote: »

I grew up in a rural, farming area but have been living in cities for nearly 20 years now. I completely understand your difficulties transitioning from town to country life. This time next week when back home I'll be having withdrawal symptoms from being away from a 24 hour tesco for so long.

As a result I can see both sides of the coin, and both town and country have their appeals. Can I give you some suggestions:

- Find a social outlet. In days gone by that would have been the creamery and all the gossip and social outlet happened there but those days are gone. Find a club, a class, be a leader with the scouts. Anything. Find something for you.

- put together a rough meal plan for dinners each week. Try and tie it in with his schedule, but stuff that allows wiggle room with how long it can stay warm.

- Get a slow cooker. Actually, get two, they aren't expensive.

- I alluded to the 24 hour tesco earlier. Do one big shop a week, set out your meal plan before you go shopping and so know what you need to get for the week. Adjust the meal plan as suits.

- Get to know producers in the area. A leg of lamb in Tesco might be a tenner, but could be free from Mary next door(in rural terms I know next door could be several hectares away)

- If you dont have one already get a chest freezer. The left over pasta and Ragu from tonights dinner can get bagged and frozen and become a very quick dinner some night he comes in late (which happens)

-Start with a small herb garden and expand it. Mary next door is more likely to give you a free leg of lamb if you give her a sack of spuds or nice carrots.

- Make jam. I live in a teeny weeny apartment in Dublin and make rosemary jam from home grown rosemary regularly.

Thats all for now. I hope I don't sound patronising with any of the, to you, obvious suggestions. Let me say one last thing: I am sure you are doing a terrific job and your husband appreciates what you do. Life is not easy wherever you are, but it sounds like you have the right attitude to overcome it.

Brilliant, love all the suggestions! Not obvious at all. I laugh at the 24 hour Tesco, when I first moved here on a Sunday evening with no milk in the house, I thought it would be a simple thing to get milk, no I had to go to the in laws for milk. They are my 24 hour shop as I still Dont have it right

_Brian

wrangler wrote: »

It's inconsiderate to make a habit of not being there at meal times, once in a while maybe but persisting is thoughtless.

Those that do are setting the tone that family are lowest priority

annettea

wrangler wrote: »

It's inconsiderate to make a habit of not being there at meal times, once in a while maybe but persisting is thoughtless.

He doesn't mean it , the meal times are just wrong and I've to adjust to country life versus town life.
He is a very good husband , in the mornings he helps out and I'd like to perfect this country life living

wrangler

annettea wrote: »

He doesn't mean it , the meal times are just wrong and I've to adjust to country life versus town life.
He is a very good husband , in the mornings he helps out and I'd like to perfect this country life living

This is the 21st century, he shouldn't treat anyone like that, you're not a servant either.
Unfortunately it sounds as if you're afraid of him, no such thing as wrong meal times, say a time that agrees with you both and stick to it, it works out far better. bin it then if it's not eaten

Who2

_Brian wrote: »

Those that do are setting the tone that family are lowest priority

That’s a completely unfair statement Brian. Everyone’s setup is different. Personally I get to eat dinner with my family on saturdays and sundays. The very odd evening to. I run a business along with farming and it just isn’t possible for all to coincide that we all get to sit down at the one time. I’d love if it was possible but for now I just have to deal with how things are and family is my first priority .

annettea

Who2 wrote: »

That’s a completely unfair statement Brian. Everyone’s setup is different. Personally I get to eat dinner with my family on saturdays and sundays. The very odd evening to. I run a business along with farming and it just isn’t possible for all to coincide that we all get to sit down at the one time. I’d love if it was possible but for now I just have to deal with how things are and family is my first priority .

Your obviously working very hard for your family. Thank you for that reply , it put it in perspective for me where we would all like to eat as a family but just not possible at times.

forgottenhills

wrangler wrote: »

This is the 21st century, he shouldn't treat anyone like that, you're not a servant either.
Unfortunately it sounds as if you're afraid of him, no such thing as wrong meal times, say a time that agrees with you both and stick to it, it works out far better. bin it then if it's not eaten

Why would you bin good food?

Annettea, it sounds like you are doing great. Its not just farmers, lots of people have trouble coordinating mealtimes for spouses, teenage children etc as everyone is working off different schedules and things happen to throw out schedules. That's life.

What we do is that mealtime goes ahead at the best time to suit most people any given day, and if someone is not there then their dinner is left on a plate with some tin foil over. When that person comes in they can heat it up in the microwave. Job done, nobody gets stressed over this.

In terms of helping out on the farm, take small steps to get started. Just buy a pair of wellies and get out there just to get used to the sounds and smells of everything. You will find ways to help out at times starting slowly for instance to get used to cattle. Also to become more aware of the unpredictability and dangers of animals or machinery. Often just doing runs in the car or helping to do the accounts or deal with forms is as useful as anything else on a farm.

Anto_Meath

Nothing is perfect and there is no one size fits all. Every situation is different and every family has to be fluid to accommodate what ever is happening at any point and time. My late dad was a part time farmer and worked full time during the week, but 1 rule he had was Sunday was family day. The minimum possible was done on a Sunday, if possible dinner time was over at 1 on a Sunday and then the day was spent with us, sometimes counting the cattle was part of that if it was on the way to where we were going. Some of my best childhood memories are the various thing that were done on these Sunday like football matches attended, racing one another down the Hill of Tara and the like. Now I am dad, working full time and part time farming I am trying to do the same. When out on the farm it is easy to keep seeing something that you could be doing but you need to be disciplined and set a finish time so that you can go enjoy time with loved ones...

partyguinness

Is this a joke?

wrangler

partyguinness wrote: »

Is this a joke?

Yea, looking at her previous posts there seems to be no connection

blue5000

It's a tough one, my OH is a townie as well. I think the big difference for us starting out was her being used to being paid every week vs me getting a cheque once a month and never really knowing what was left for living expenses.

When you have kids going to school it's easier get to know other Mums in the local area.

No advice really on the meal times, I've sometimes got a dinner at 10pm and been damn glad of it, try to have a set time for it, if he's not there leave it in the micro wave and set the timer so all he has to do is hit 'start' when he comes in. Great suggestion on the slow cooker btw.

Most important to keep the lines of communication open. You haven't said if you work outside the home or not. If you do, for God's sake don't start talking about what Mary said to Jane at work today because we genuinely don't know who Mary and Jane are, we've (probably) never met them, have no idea what they look like, and to be blunt we don't give a flyingfcuk what Jane said to Mary at work today or any other day either.

How involved in the farm are you? Do you do any paperwork for example? It sounds like your husband does some hirework, you mention silage making. Maybe you could help him keep a diary of what he did or who he did work for that day?

As for pressies, a page a day Diary with an accounts section in the back is useful. O'Brien's do a good one for around €16.

A leatherman Wave, Surge or Crunch penknife is a great pressie for a farmer. They are about €150 locally in an outdoors / hunting / sports shop. They are cheaper on line (in the USA;)) but gone a bit late now.
Still time for this one at €165
https://store.sportsden.ie/leatherman-wave.html?gclid=CjwKCAiA3OzvBRBXEiwALNKDP5nXE7lHQREjpg93gebmvQaGQrLUKB08oc2dRDJteG1v2t0PXbdaXhoCZ7sQAvD_BwE

Happy Christmas and sorry for my rant about Mary and Jane, but there's nothing that wrecks a man's head more than what the women at work said today, my eyes glaze over and I nod my head until I hear 'You're not really listening to me are you......?:eek::eek::eek:

BTW we're married 21 years.

Buford T. Justice XIX

annettea wrote: »

He doesn't mean it , the meal times are just wrong and I've to adjust to country life versus town life.
He is a very good husband , in the mornings he helps out and I'd like to perfect this country life living

Don't worry about perfecting this country living thingy, every one has their own idea of perfection.

What matters is what both of you want and hope to achieve in the future. And nobody can tell you what you both want out of your relationship is right or wrong.

On mealtimes, I'd be in fairly late in the evenings and be the last one to eat. School times mean their dinner gets eaten while I'm still working. Dinner is nearly always left on a plate for me and I'd generally eat while helping with homework or checking Boards. Weekends are much better that way though matches and training tends to mean it's rarely all of us sitting down at the same time. It works for us but I realise it wouldn't be considered acceptable by others but we're not bothering anybody and we're happy out with what we've got.

On helping on the farm, fire on a pair of wellies and ask what you can do to help. It might be counting and checking cattle or throwing out a bag of ration but by all means get involved. The kids are hugely important here in spring when calving. They come down and feed 2 or 3 calves for me and while it's only 5 minutes to feed them, 5 or 6 calves fed by them is a half hour earlier heading home in the evening for me. You just have to find a job that helps him.

You just have to find the balance that's right for both of you.

BENDYBINN

Suprise him by doing a few simple jobs about the place. Maybe let the cattle out of the shed for a runaround in a nearby field. This will show him you care and want to be involved.

kerryjack

BENDYBINN wrote: »

Suprise him by doing a few simple jobs about the place. Maybe let the cattle out of the shed for a runaround in a nearby field. This will show him you care and want to be involved.

Are you trying to get the women killed.

annettea

wrangler wrote: »

Yea, looking at her previous posts there seems to be no connection

I Dont know why people go into previous posts. They're extremely old except the one I asked about a hotel closing down. All you see is as I was in a bad relationship with a child when I was very young.
Its not a joke , I am trying to see what I'm supposed to do. I am just grateful that this man has married me and took my daughter into his family and we've also a family together.
As a lot of people said its a two way street and I'd really like to do my share. He does a lot for us and I'm extremely grateful. I work at home.
Great tips by some people.. Just have to put them into action.

annettea

Maybe I am wording this thread wrong as its gone into a relationship debate, dinner was just an example of what I feel I could improve on. I'm actually struggling with the country life , where I am use to amenities all around. Where I could go swimming and it would be a 5 minute walk to the pool, where I run out of milk and the shop is across the road and has everything in it. Need new clothes well its a 15 minute walk to town. Don't feel like cooking well just go to the take away, there is no take away where I live.
Now everything is so far away and takes so long like a food shop takes half the day. I am trying to fit in with the locals but find it hard and they are lovely. I was just looking for tips on country life living which I've got a good few. So thank you.
Thank you on the present ideas , if not for Christmas for birthday as they are useful and I haven't a clue about what is useful on the farm.

Dakota Dan

K.G. wrote: »

My advice is when he comes in tonight ask him to turn around and give a fine kick up the backside.everything is a two way street and half the time if fellas stood back and thought abiut whats important they d be alot better off.i put in long days at times but it cant be that way all the time

Can you explain why you think he needs a kick in the arse?

TheFarrier

annettea wrote: »

Its not a joke , I am trying to see what I'm supposed to do.

You’re not supposed to do anything. There’s no rules to being married to a farmer that don’t apply to being married to anyone else.
I know you’ve said that you’re asking more about country living, I can’t help you there as it’s all I’ve ever known.
But as others have said, if you get stuck in on the farm, and ask questions, get to know what’s going on, and ask is there anything you could be doing to help, all this will be very much appreciated.

Even things as simple as asking is there anything you could be bringing from the coop, feed, milk replacer, grease cartridges, fencing posts etc.
My local coop has a post office attached with a shop so this makes it easier here, the chances of anyone calling to the village anyway is high, but small errands like that can be a huge time saver.

Hope you get it figured out for yourself.

Odelay

annettea wrote: »

Maybe I am wording this thread wrong as its gone into a relationship debate, dinner was just an example of what I feel I could improve on. I'm actually struggling with the country life , where I am use to amenities all around. Where I could go swimming and it would be a 5 minute walk to the pool, where I run out of milk and the shop is across the road and has everything in it. Need new clothes well its a 15 minute walk to town. Don't feel like cooking well just go to the take away, there is no take away where I live.
Now everything is so far away and takes so long like a food shop takes half the day. I am trying to fit in with the locals but find it hard and they are lovely. I was just looking for tips on country life living which I've got a good few. So thank you.
Thank you on the present ideas , if not for Christmas for birthday as they are useful and I haven't a clue about what is useful on the farm.

Just relax and don’t over think it. Sounds like you have a good man, and he had a good woman and family. Remember that ye are a team. Enjoy it, don’t stress, that’s the most important.

49801

Find something locally to get involved in. Weather it’s charity or a hobby. Gardening club for example

Wish we’d done a few cooking classes before little ones came around. So I could contribute in the kitchen dept.

He’s a lucky chap. Go easy on yourself OP. Judging yourself or others will do you no good. So relax and enjoy life.

Sheep breeder

Farming family life changes all the time as kids get bigger, there is no set pattern. When our two were smaller they were child minded as both of us worked full time off farm and when started school we work around bringing and collecting. When the first went to secondary it was hard to arrange with two different times and with both in secondary it is very simple to manage. The farm got bigger and more hours spent outside and dinner times were never set in stone. Now with more time for ourselves and the kids taking over more of the farm work life has got a lot more time together.
Tips I see the wife doing, milk and bread and meat in the freezer for emergencies.set one day for shopping and then collect on the run. The wife and kids garden a lot together and grow a lot of veg for the house. The kids love going to the mart and meeting people and now the youngest has started to buy cattle she is in heaven and loves the buzz.
The single biggest thing is a family holiday once a year and days out to shows/ sales and a weekend away in a hotel.

K.G.

Dakota Dan wrote: »

Can you explain why you think he needs a kick in the arse?

Which is more important family or farm

kerryjack

The farm is in 3rd position here now, it's family, football and farming, My father's generation farming came first, mother stayed at home kept a good house and a good table. Now my generation wife works full time and brings in the money and I look after kids and house and farm is gone away down the pecking order.

Say my name

Something deep inside me stirred and I just had to link this tweet to this thread.
Seems appropriate.

https://twitter.com/The_NakedFarmer/status/1208704170821214208?s=20

BorneTobyWilde

How OP spends her day

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ZKOE6QCXBg

mf240

Yere not being fair lads,

jntsnk

Married 17 years , wife never been inside the farmyard. So I’m no help ! You are overthinking it.

Online farmers journal paper if not have already, for a pressie.