Is she projecting?

LegacyUser

Background to the story, married for a long time with kids. Broke up the start of the year. This was due to her infidelity that was found out through pure luck. She also wanted to be single for a while, saying that she felt trapped in the marriage and not being able to do what she wanted (Go out with friends every weekend and not worry about a "family" at home).

Since then, things have been best described as bi-polar. There seems to be a massive hatred towards me for no known reason. I have asked her to explain this, but never does (she's a screamer and walks away rather than talking about anything). I try to keep it amicable for the kids, but Im being made out to be a horrible person. Like if I ask how she is, she basically tells me to "F off" (i do still care). If I ask how the kids are I get 1 word replies via text. There is constant snide remarks and scowls at me. If I knew I had done something wrong, I think it would be easier to understand, but I honestly don't think I have done anything to deserve this.

Don't get me wrong, I wasn't the best husband, but I certainly wasn't an asshole. I provided for the whole family for year, of which she resented me fore (I never stopped her getting a job). She didn't like that I paid for everything (she didnt work, so I had no problem paying for everything, was never an issue). She seems to have a heavy drink problem too, which is probably affecting her moods.

I'm just at a loss. I don't think I have deserved any of the nastiness she has towards me. I take the kids every weekend and other days if I am off. She threatened that I would never see the kids again if I didn't take them one weekend a while ago, because she had made plans 2 days beforehand, when we had already agreed she would take the kids (I had something on for one of the nights). I genuinely feel like its beginning to crumble inside me. Im struggling. Feel low all the time. I've lost my family and receiving abuse for no known reason.

In my mind I can only think that she is projecting towards me in some way? Without any valid reason to be treating me the way she has been, its the only thing that is keeping my sanity in check.

Brego888

Sounds like a horrible situation. But is there any particular advice you are looking for?

ILoveYourVibes

I would talk to a lawyer.

Maybe there is a way you don't have to talk to her ..but you can communicate through a third party for a while.

Get visiting rights in law.

Then you can tell her if she wants to talk to you ...she will have to behave.

Augme

You seem to be putting alot of importance into what and why she thinks of you. I'm not sure in this situation why that matters. Why do you care what she thinks about you?

osarusan

Only advice I can give is that, if you haven't already, you should get in contact with a lawyer to be prepared if she ever does try to deny access to the kids.

Confused dad

I've been in this scenario. I left an emotionally abusive marraige after 5 years as I ended up in a very dark place mentally. I felt tremendous guilt for leaving aswell. I was vilified by my ex and her family for leaving and a lot what you have said sound very similar to what I went through.

All I can advise you to do is try not to pay attention to her opinion of you. It doesn't matter. You can't change it. As long as your children are safe, happy and healthy and have a good relationship with their dad and mum that's much more important that what your ex thinks of you.

I know it's tough, but things will hopefully get better for you.