Toddler acting out

Jurgen The German

Our little lad has been acting out the last couple of months. He was 2 in April and developmentally he is ahead of the curve, excellent speech etc and in general is a lovely boy but he can be very territorial/possessive and a bit rough by times.

He has a 15 month old sister that sometimes he clashes with in terms of not sharing with her, he can push or hit her and he sometimes hits myself or my wife. There have been a couple of instances in creche one where he pushed another child, another where he wouldn't let another child past him and the other child bit him. Then today he hit a little girl in the face with a block and left a little mark. Apparently they were playing for 15 minutes before hand but something happened and he hit her.

The creche suggested introducing a reward chart to try and curb this type of thing so he would get a little sticker for sharing, playing gently etc.

At home we try and stress gentle hands and feet, sharing is caring etc, rewarding and praising for good behaviour as opposed to punishing bad behaviour and most of the time he is great but just lately, the last 4 or 5 weeks, he can be particularly obstreperous and can push the boundaries of behaviour / disobedience to the limit. There are occasions where I or my wife have shouted at him but we've never smacked him and tbh, I dont think that will ever happen.

Has anyone experience of the reward charts, both good and bad for kids of that age? I've done some reading on them and while they seem like they can be good, I'd be conscious of them instilling negative traits, particularly as he is so young.

Or does anyone have any tips on how to handle them when they are being a little bollox?

Dravokivich

I dont like reward charts, becuase theres no focus on why the action they are doing is unwanted.

Whatever initiative you decide to take, you need to be able to adapt it on the fly, as the kid can try to work around it, or even challenge you to follow through on it.

Nowadays I'm just saying good night to my guy whenever he does something I dont want him to do.

Jurgen The German

Cheers Drav. Your lad has a couple of years on mine, ours is still in the fun phase where he can go from full blown melt down to "oh look at this dada" in .5 of a second.
:pac:

The problem is that they are in full time child care from before 8 to around 5 every day. The ideal would be PT care and at home the rest but that's not a runner for us unfortunately so trying the nurturing and supportive approach is difficult when we aren't with them for large tranches of their waking life.

shesty

To be honest, I would say a reward chart is lost on that age group.They don't really do delayed gratification and I mean, a chart to say they 'played gently' is too hard for them to live up to all day every day at that age.

From my experience (briefer than Drak's I think admittedly!), that age group, you have to go in and physically prevent the behaviour.Do it home all the time.Don't shout, drop tools the minute you see it coming and go block.it.Tell him you can't let him do that, remove him away from the situation if needed.It's a pain in the a$$ i know, I am doing it at home myself with my youngest at the moment,but it seems most effective.Combine it with randomly praising him on good things you notice...you were really gentle taking the block from your sister, you were really good to tell me when your sister was taking your toys, that kind of thing.And a book.or two always helps- we have 'hands are not for hitting' but I am sure there are others out there too.It's hard when he is in the creche, but you model the behaviour at home and it is then up to the creche to deal with the behaviour appropriately in their environment.They should really be stepping in quickly though as needed.

farmchoice

a bit late to this one but anyway....
I'm afraid there is very little you can do, by and large 2 year olds are outrageous pricks, all the reward charts, naughty steps, cattle-prods and pepper spray in the world wont change that.
the only up side is if they are really bad 2 year olds they might not be such bad 3 year olds, because i can assure you any good 2 year old is going to turn into some bollox when he/she hits 3.


our last fella was a disgrace as a two year and i actually thought he might be possessed as a 3 year old, the week he turned 4 it was like watching a crazed alcoholic come out of rehab a new man, polite loving reasonable an example to his siblings.

stick with it and generally just try and ignore the mayhem it will someday end and you will get your lovely kid back.

lazygal

I hate reward charts, my mum used them with us and I found them humiliating.

shesty

farmchoice wrote: »

I'm afraid there is very little you can do, by and large 2 year olds are outrageous pricks, all the reward charts, naughty steps, cattle-prods and pepper spray in the world wont change that.
the only up side is if they are really bad 2 year olds they might not be such bad 3 year olds, because i can assure you any good 2 year old is going turn into some bollox when he/she hits 3.


our last fella was a disgrace as a two year and i actually thought he might be possessed as a 3 year old, the week he turned 4 it was like watching a crazed alcoholic come out of rehab a new man, polite loving reasonable an example to his siblings.
.

This made me laugh.Because it's true.Two is bad, three is godawful...and then four comes!!And while they are not perfect, they suddenly become a semi-normal human.It is beyond weird!

Jurgen The German

farmchoice wrote: »

a bit late to this one but anyway....
I'm afraid there is very little you can do, by and large 2 year olds are outrageous pricks, all the reward charts, naughty steps, cattle-prods and pepper spray in the world wont change that.
the only up side is if they are really bad 2 year olds they might not be such bad 3 year olds, because i can assure you any good 2 year old is going to turn into some bollox when he/she hits 3.


our last fella was a disgrace as a two year and i actually thought he might be possessed as a 3 year old, the week he turned 4 it was like watching a crazed alcoholic come out of rehab a new man, polite loving reasonable an example to his siblings.

stick with it and generally just try and ignore the mayhem it will someday end and you will get your lovely kid back.

Tbh we aren't personally too bothered by his behaviour as it is by and large really good, like we can go to a restaurant and he will happily sit for an hour or more. I bring him grocery shopping every week and there have never been any issues, its more the sharing bit.

It's the creche that suggested it for him. My wife is very against them and the posts in here have made my mind up too that I'm not keen either.

We are meeting with them next week (at our request I hasten to add) to have a chat so we will come up with something agreeable I'm sure.

Thanks for the input all.

shesty

He's 2 and a half though.They just don't really get sharing at that age and to have big expectations of him to get it (and on the creche's part too) is a lot.I mean they see 'share' as 'give your toy to someone else' basically.They will grasp a better concept of it as they go over 3, but I wouldn't expect much of him in that regard at his age.And just because he is in a creche with other kids all day doesn't mean he should suddenly get it and be ok with it either.

Absolutely emphasise no hitting or pushing or whatever, but let them sort the sharing between themselves during play.Intervene if it gets physical but I wouldn't really expect too much by way of him being ok with handing his toys over to another child at this age.We stil have lots of sibling moments here over toys, and they are 5,3.5 and 1.And 5 minutes later they are all fine again and the toy is forgotten.It will come with time.