primary school kid lent money to classmate

idayang

Hello parents, i have a question about borrowing money at school.

Last week my daughter's school organized a Christmas book fair and i gave her 15 Euro to buy whatever book she want. My daughter lent 9 euro to her classmate and that girl bought a book. That girl promised to return money this week. However, on Monday she said she just had 20 Euro and can't find change; on Tuesday she said she could earn pocket money from parents every Friday......i now has a feeling that the girl doesn't want to return money.

This is the first time my daughter try to deal with this kind of thing.i don't know what is the proper way to help her, should i leave it between kids or should i try to contact the girl's parent?

jlm29

Do you know the parents? Normally I’m all for letting kids thrash things out among themselves, but I would be Mortified if one of my kids did that. I would also consider it a very important lesson for them to learn about paying back money that they borrow (or not borrowing it in the first place), so as a parent I would really like to know.

tayto lover

So she loaned €9 and only kept €6 for her own book?
Something not right here imo.

idayang

jlm29 wrote: »

Do you know the parents? Normally I’m all for letting kids thrash things out among themselves, but I would be Mortified if one of my kids did that. I would also consider it a very important lesson for them to learn about paying back money that they borrow (or not borrowing it in the first place), so as a parent I would really like to know.

Thank you for your reply. Actually i don't know the girl's parent so i can't predict their response. All girls are in 3rd class, a very young age. I am thinking whether it is overreacted if i try to contact her parents. or as you said, mortify another parent ...

idayang

tayto lover wrote: »

So she loaned €9 and only kept €6 for her own book?
Something not right here imo.

I always buy books for my daughter so she was not eager to buy them from a limited selection and was happy to 'help a friend'...

bfa1509

Seeing as most adults have problems understanding the concept of a loan, I think it would be a bad idea to bring it up with the other child's parents. I think a €9 loss holds a lesson more valuable than any book she could have bought.

antix80

I'd say keep out of it as much as possible. It's not for you to fix by going to the other parent or teacher.

If your daughter didn't earn the money she might not have realised the value of it.

Maybe advise her of the adage "Neither a borrower nor a lender be; / For loan oft loses both itself and friend"

You could ask her questions like "why does this upset you" "what do you think you should do next?" (steering her away from revenge or overthinking) and you might be surprised she'll figure things out for herself.

She could even fall for it again and she'd still only be out pocket money so now is the time to learn these lessons.

idayang

bfa1509 wrote: »

Seeing as most adults have problems understanding the concept of a loan, I think it would be a bad idea to bring it up with the other child's parents. I think a €9 loss holds a lesson more valuable than any book she could have bought.

Yes, it is a problem for lots of adult so i didn't blame my daughter. I just wish to help my daughter for a lesson and i am wondering where is the borderline.

thank you for your suggestion!

idayang

Thanks for your suggestion! i like the adage and would discuss similar questions with her later...now i decided to leave it to herself for a while.:p

antix80 wrote: »

I'd say keep out of it as much as possible. It's not for you to fix by going to the other parent or teacher.

If your daughter didn't earn the money she might not have realised the value of it.

Maybe advise her of the adage "Neither a borrower nor a lender be; / For loan oft loses both itself and friend"

You could ask her questions like "why does this upset you" "what do you think you should do next?" (steering her away from revenge or overthinking) and you might be surprised she'll figure things out for herself.

She could even fall for it again and she'd still only be out pocket money so now is the time to learn these lessons.

Chocolate fiend

I am not sure I would let it fully go. It wasn't your daughters money as such, you gave it to her to get herself a book, in a situation like that I always ask my children to bring me home my change.
I would maybe ask your daughter to ask her friend when she will be bringing in the 9 euro, not if.

volchitsa

idayang wrote: »

Hello parents, i have a question about borrowing money at school.

Last week my daughter's school organized a Christmas book fair and i gave her 15 Euro to buy whatever book she want. My daughter lent 9 euro to her classmate and that girl bought a book. That girl promised to return money this week. However, on Monday she said she just had 20 Euro and can't find change; on Tuesday she said she could earn pocket money from parents every Friday......i now has a feeling that the girl doesn't want to return money.

This is the first time my daughter try to deal with this kind of thing.i don't know what is the proper way to help her, should i leave it between kids or should i try to contact the girl's parent?

Are you sure the child bought a book with it, or could she have kept the money?
My response about contacting the parents (or possibly school) or considering it a lesson about not lending money would be very different depending on whether the other child was sent into school on that day with no money to buy a book.

whelan2

I would mention it to the teacher. If you dont know the other parents you dont know what way they'll react. Run it by the teacher first as it happened in school

pwurple

I think you don't know the other child's circumstances, and maybe that she didn't have 9 euro to begin with, and finds it hard to "earn" back means money may not be easy to come by in that household.

She said she will need to earn it over a few Fridays of pocket money, let her pay in installments.

I would not try to embarrass or shame the girl by saying it to the teacher just yet, give her a chance to make it right.

The chan chan man

Tell her to say “my mam said you have to give me the money back by Friday”. Works like a charm.

wirelessdude01

Why would anyone advise to contact school or teacher, what do you think they can do? Wasn't as if it was stolen from the pencil case.

piplip87

I'd make your child do some extra chores around the house. Tell her that's for the 9 Euro. Help her understand the value of the money in the long run.

It's a valuable lesson for any child to learn. Who knows the circumstances of the loan. Your daughter could have offered it, which is a nice thing to do but even at that age the decision to borrow somebody money has consequences.

volchitsa

wirelessdude01 wrote: »

Why would anyone advise to contact school or teacher, what do you think they can do? Wasn't as if it was stolen from the pencil case.

Could possibly be the start of bullying/racketeering. Need to know more about the circumstances IMO.

kippy

1. You don't know for certain whether this actually happened or any of the facts around what was said even if it happened. You are relying on a 9 or 10 year olds account of the events.
2. I wouldn't go near the school (way over the top) or go near the other girl or her parents because of 1 above.

As some others have said if this has happened as relayed to you then use it as a valuable learning opportunity for your daughter. There are many things that can be learned from it. If the other girl returns the money it's a bonus.

Stuff like this happens all the time with children and adults, stuff and money gets loaned to classmates or friends and either gets broken or never returned, it happened to me when i was a child and as an adult and i learned who too loan or give my stuff too and who didn't get them.

My gain their loss.

Don't stress yourselves out too much over this, if you get the money back great, if not move on, lesson learned, hope it works out��

dvdman1

Best route i find is pull the teacher aside after class, tell her exactly what story your child told you...wether the other child bought a book or not isnt really your concern, all you know is the 9euro is gone.....there maybe no malice, just go into this with an open mind.

_Brian

Yes let your kid try and resolve this but I wouldn’t walk away from supporting them either.

I’d definitely bring this to the teacher and have the school resolve it.

How do you know that your kid wasn’t targeted as a soft touch essentially stealing the money from them.


I think it’s important that kids understand when you are helping guide them through a difficult problem, but it’s also important for them to know you’ve got their back and will step in and protect their interests when it’s appropriate.

Blaizes

I wouldn’t let it go . Your child lent the money and didn’t get it back. Of course the money should never have been lent and teacher should have checked each child had their own money before they purchased their book. Too late for that now though. Contact the teacher explain what happened and let them follow up at their end. By being proactive you are setting your daughter a good example and showing her that it is not ok for these events to go unchecked. If left as is your daughter may feel unsupported and vulnerable.

kippy

Why are people intent on believing everything a 10 year old tells them?
Why are people intent on getting the teacher involved?

"By being proactive you are setting your daughter a good example and showing her that it is not ok for these events to go unchecked. If left as is your daughter may feel unsupported and vulnerable."
Being proactive is giving your daughter the tools to:
1. Appreciate the value of money.
2. Try sort out their own problems instead of having someone intervene and sort them out for them.

gibgodsman

Its only €9, its a lesson learned for your child not to loan money to people without really knowing if they can pay it back. I wouldn't get the other childs parents involved because really they could just turn around and ask why was your daughter loaning a child money?

jlm29

gibgodsman wrote: »

because really they could just turn around and ask why was your daughter loaning a child money?

Or they could say “Thanks so much for letting me know, I really appreciate it, i really need to give little Mary an education in not borrowing money unless she can afford to pay it back. Sorry this happened, here’s your €9”.

wirelessdude01

I know what I'd be saying to the parent that brought this to my classroom door. Nothing to do with the teacher at all.

idayang

volchitsa wrote: »

Are you sure the child bought a book with it, or could she have kept the money?
My response about contacting the parents (or possibly school) or considering it a lesson about not lending money would be very different depending on whether the other child was sent into school on that day with no money to buy a book.

yes, the girl did buy a book for herself. school sent msg to all parents about the fair beforehand.

idayang

pwurple wrote: »

I think you don't know the other child's circumstances, and maybe that she didn't have 9 euro to begin with, and finds it hard to "earn" back means money may not be easy to come by in that household.

She said she will need to earn it over a few Fridays of pocket money, let her pay in installments.

I would not try to embarrass or shame the girl by saying it to the teacher just yet, give her a chance to make it right.

she borrowed money from my daughter maybe on Thursday or Friday and promised to return next Monday. My daughter told me on the next Monday the girl brought 20 Euro but refuse to return because she didn't have change. On Tuesday she began to make some story like Friday pocket money..On Wednesday she said she won't get pocket money because she will have a sleep over......then my daughter told me she heard that the other girl also borrowed money from other classmates......:(

idayang

piplip87 wrote: »

I'd make your child do some extra chores around the house. Tell her that's for the 9 Euro. Help her understand the value of the money in the long run.

It's a valuable lesson for any child to learn. Who knows the circumstances of the loan. Your daughter could have offered it, which is a nice thing to do but even at that age the decision to borrow somebody money has consequences.

thank you for your suggestion, a good idea!

idayang

kippy wrote: »

1. You don't know for certain whether this actually happened or any of the facts around what was said even if it happened. You are relying on a 9 or 10 year olds account of the events.
2. I wouldn't go near the school (way over the top) or go near the other girl or her parents because of 1 above.

As some others have said if this has happened as relayed to you then use it as a valuable learning opportunity for your daughter. There are many things that can be learned from it. If the other girl returns the money it's a bonus.

Thanks for your suggestion;) Yes, as you said i don't know the circumstance for sure. My daughter said another teacher was standing besides them when she loaned money and that teacher told the girl she needs to return money. Anyway it is a valuable lesson and we discussed it with my daughter and we both satisfied with the result.

Cabaal

bfa1509 wrote: »

Seeing as most adults have problems understanding the concept of a loan, I think it would be a bad idea to bring it up with the other child's parents. I think a €9 loss holds a lesson more valuable than any book she could have bought.

Totally agree,
Its a excellent lesson to learn for any child and its an even better lesson for a child to learn that their parents won't always be there to fight their battles for them.

I also wouldn't agree with mentioning it to the teacher, trying to get the school involved in a bad decision made by the child is just out and out silly.

shrapnel222

Cabaal wrote: »

Totally agree,
Its a excellent lesson to learn for any child and its an even better lesson for a child to learn that their parents won't always be there to fight their battles for them.

I also wouldn't agree with mentioning it to the teacher, trying to get the school involved in a bad decision made by the child is just out and out silly.

have to disagree with the second part. Looks like the girl scammed a number of other children. if she gets away with it, with no consequences, she will carry on thinking it's easy and worth it.

sometimes, a strong rebuttal from a person in a position of authority is all it takes to get someone to understand how terribly wrong this is, and not worth doing again.

Cabaal

shrapnel222 wrote: »

have to disagree with the second part. Looks like the girl scammed a number of other children. if she gets away with it, with no consequences, she will carry on thinking it's easy and worth it.

sometimes, a strong rebuttal from a person in a position of authority is all it takes to get someone to understand how terribly wrong this is, and not worth doing again.

These things tend to even themselves out none the less.
If she's scammed a number of other children then word gets around and people won't ever trust her again in the school.

shrapnel222

Cabaal wrote: »

These things tend to even themselves out none the less.
If she's scammed a number of other children then word gets around and people won't ever trust her again in the school.

If kids were older, i'd agree, but this is primary school, so personally would much prefer if a teacher told her this was unacceptable behaviour and there'd be consequences for doing it again.