Quarter Life Crisis

LegacyUser

Hi everyone,

I suppose as the title suggests, I feel like I'm completely stuck or in limbo in my life. I'm 24, I graduated college last summer, went straight into a job I enjoyed, have since changed jobs and love my new job too (I work in the health service, lots of temporary contracts, not many permanent jobs). I live in Dublin, went to college in Dublin and still live at home with my parents. I loved college, worked hard, made plenty of friends, I was busy all the time. Now since starting work I have really slid into a slump, I go to work, come home (to my parents house), go to the gym a few times a week, go to a yoga class once a week and most weekends will have a night out, meet up with friends once or twice.

But honestly I just feel empty, a good few of my friends have moved to different parts of the country for work and I'm left with about 5 or 6 in Dublin. I never had a massive group of friends but was always happy enough, quality over quantity and all that! Now I feel bored a lot of the time and I think I'm getting depressed to be honest. I feel low a lot of the time and like life is passing me by. I have social plans only about twice a week and most week day evenings I go to the gym then come home, or come straight home.

I would think of myself as relatively introverted, I like my alone time but I am having too much of it at the moment and I feel lonely. I've only ever had one boyfriend, that was about 3 years ago in college, I've since struggled with a lot of body confidence and self esteem issues brought on by some pretty nasty things he said when he ended our relationship. I've worked on myself and my confidence since then but I am so anxious about putting myself out there and dating people. I would like to meet someone but I just shut down whenever the opportunity arises.

I would like to move out of my parents house but I have been so disheartened with the renting situation in Dublin. In the past month I have replied to countless listings on daft, have only got a couple of viewings, all of which were way too expensive for tiny dark rooms in awkward locations. I know the best way to find a house share is by word of mouth but most of my friends are from dublin and live at home so are no help in that regard!

To top it off one of my best friends is moving to London on the next few weeks, her boyfriend lives there and I just feel like this is yet another person moving away while I'm still stuck here. I am seriously tempted to go over with her (she is encouraging me to) but I would worry about going over there and essentially being a third wheel with her and her boyfriend as I don't know anyone else over there.

I realise that this all sounds very negative and defeatist but I am struggling so much to be positive at the moment. My main fear is that this will just get worse and worse, I'll feel more and more depressed and I'll be in the same position and really unhappy in another year or two and nothing will have changed.

I know people will suggest I find a social hobby like tag rugby, but I really am not a team sport person and the idea of showing up to a meetup event literally fills me with dread..

If anyone can be of any help I would really really appreciate it. Thank you.

hawley

I think that you may be suffering from low level depression. On the face of it you have a very nice life. You're lucky to have such a nice group of friends, as job and free accommodation in Dublin. It also seems like you are suffering from low self esteem, so you need to do things that will help you improve your confidence.
Have you considered going travelling with some of your friends? Take a month off from work or maybe head off to Australia for a year. I think a lot of people get itchy feet in their mid twenties, you see everyone else posting stuff on Instagram from around the world. You could also see a therapist, cognitive behavioural therapy. If you're out in a pub or club, try to meet up with a few guys even for a shift or go back to their place. If you're not confident about your body, it'll help you feel attractive and wanted. You need to create your own life and sense of independence. Best of luck OP.

leggo

OP what you’re going through is common, so try not to beat yourself up about it. This is what life is if you let it be: you do your few hours in work, go for the odd pint, go home, watch TV, head the gym etc. And we all go through phases where that’s all that life is and feel kinda meh about it all, it’s totally natural. And the stage you’re at, post-college, is when most people first experience it too. It’s often the first time in your life your time is your own and you’re not obliged to go anywhere/do anything, and there’s no dates in the calendar filled up with rites of passage or social events to attend.

The happiness part is the bit that takes effort and that requires you to step outside the comfort zone: be it through putting effort into dating to meet someone special, following up on a hobby/interest and surrounding yourself with people who share it, booking nice holidays and doing interesting things, or even just organising regular get-togethers with friends (movie nights etc). The bad news is that it does require effort and stepping out of the comfort zone so you feel exposed, scared, vulnerable and all those lovely feelings. The good news is that, generally, all it takes is the first step and the rest often falls into place. Take some time now to sit back and ask yourself what you want your life to be, what fun things you’d like to do with your limited time of this planet etc. Then just do them. Once you take that first step you’ll feel like a new person.

Daisy78

hawley wrote: »

I think that you may be suffering from low level depression. On the face of it you have a very nice life. You're lucky to have such a nice group of friends, as job and free accommodation in Dublin. It also seems like you are suffering from low self esteem, so you need to do things that will help you improve your confidence.
Have you considered going travelling with some of your friends? Take a month off from work or maybe head off to Australia for a year. I think a lot of people get itchy feet in their mid twenties, you see everyone else posting stuff on Instagram from around the world. You could also see a therapist, cognitive behavioural therapy. If you're out in a pub or club, try to meet up with a few guys even for a shift or go back to their place. If you're not confident about your body, it'll help you feel attractive and wanted. You need to create your own life and sense of independence. Best of luck OP.

Op if you are not confident about your body some random hookup(or lack thereof) isn’t going to make you feel any different so ignore this!! You probably know this yourself but body confidence comes from within not from external validation. Accept that people can say some truly horrible things in the middle of a breakup to cause hurt to the other person, so bear that in mind before dwelling too much on those comments from your ex.


To be honest you sound like you have a pretty decent social life going on. Twice a week would be pretty good going for a lot of people. I think part of the way you are feeling is to do with the transition from college life to full time working. Your priorities and circumstances are going to change so accepting that is the first step. Whilst I agree moving to London might not be a good thing if it’s purely with the intent of following your friend it might offer you the change of scene you are looking for if you go with the right attitude and that means putting yourself out there as regards meeting new people. That will mean putting yourself out of your comfort zone a bit but wouldn’t it be worth it if it provided you with the fulfilment you are looking for? Your twenties are the best time for trying something new, living somewhere new. The older you get the fewer opportunities come your way. So perhaps see this as a chance to do something different?