His empty promises

edenbridge146

Forgive the long post but I’ll try to keep it short

So at age of 5, dad left, sold family home and left me, my sister & mum homeless. Mum got a council house and purchased it & moved on. All the time she despised me as I was always ‘daddy’s girl’ and when she saw me, she saw him. Physical and emotionally abused till I left at 19. My mother met a man when I was 7 who was the kindest and most gentleman I’ve ever met. He gave me away at my wedding. He was my dad although not biologically. Unfortunately he passed away 3 weeks ago.

I Met a man, 20 years older. He’s aspergers and diabetic and from London. So off I went to live in Uk. We got married, bought a house and had 2 kids. Decided to move back home so my kids could get to know the one grand parent they had. Husband decided not to work despite having a mortgage to pay
So the onus is now on me. I was dying for another child but he said no and withdrew sexually from me. Coupled with no work, what could go wrong ??

The marriage ended. He can’t afford to move out. I can’t afford to buy him out. Mum offered me to stay at hers for €200 a week. I had to get a safety order for the emotional and physical abuse received. That’s an indication of relationship with mum

So in 2011 I met a lovely man. He’s separated with 2 daughters 20&15. Hands over €1400 a month and pays her vhi. This agreement was made when she wasn’t working.

So I still live in my family home and co parenting and paying the bills. Sending kids to Gaeltacht etc. Son just started medicine in UCD.

My dad died 3 weeks ago.

My boyfriend is just showing no signs or plans for future despite being together for 8 years. He lives on his own an hour away and it’s always me driving up to see him. No signs of planning a divorce from his ex wife to start any kind of future with me. He keeps saying ‘I will see a solicitor’ but he’s Said it numerous times before.

We are on holidays in Spain at mo and today I brought it up about our future. he gets verbally aggressive towards me “your always pushing it”
I start crying and his reply is “oh for f**k sake”
So I walked out of bar in tears and back to the apartment
Sat for dinner on my own

Now I’m so so low at moment. I’m grieving
I feel like a means to an end and paying for a roof over my kids heads with no maintenance from ex husband.
I’ve No dad
A narcissistic mother who is so manipulative demanding me to be with her all the time.
And now a boyfriend who just has no interest in making a go of ‘us’
I just matter to nobody despite caring so much for the people I love

I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, no drugs. I’m really doing my best but so emotionally exhausted and feel so unwanted. Just want to end it all

Any advice welcome

work

edenbridge146 wrote: »

Forgive the long post but I’ll try to keep it short

So at age of 5, dad left, sold family home and left me, my sister & mum homeless. Mum got a council house and purchased it & moved on. All the time she despised me as I was always ‘daddy’s girl’ and when she saw me, she saw him. Physical and emotionally abused till I left at 19. My mother met a man when I was 7 who was the kindest and most gentleman I’ve ever met. He gave me away at my wedding. He was my dad although not biologically. Unfortunately he passed away 3 weeks ago.

I Met a man, 20 years older. He’s aspergers and diabetic and from London. So off I went to live in Uk. We got married, bought a house and had 2 kids. Decided to move back home so my kids could get to know the one grand parent they had. Husband decided not to work despite having a mortgage to pay
So the onus is now on me. I was dying for another child but he said no and withdrew sexually from me. Coupled with no work, what could go wrong ??

The marriage ended. He can’t afford to move out. I can’t afford to buy him out. Mum offered me to stay at hers for €200 a week. I had to get a safety order for the emotional and physical abuse received. That’s an indication of relationship with mum

So in 2011 I met a lovely man. He’s separated with 2 daughters 20&15. Hands over €1400 a month and pays her vhi. This agreement was made when she wasn’t working.

So I still live in my family home and co parenting and paying the bills. Sending kids to Gaeltacht etc. Son just started medicine in UCD.

My dad died 3 weeks ago.

My boyfriend is just showing no signs or plans for future despite being together for 8 years. He lives on his own an hour away and it’s always me driving up to see him. No signs of planning a divorce from his ex wife to start any kind of future with me. He keeps saying ‘I will see a solicitor’ but he’s Said it numerous times before.

We are on holidays in Spain at mo and today I brought it up about our future. he gets verbally aggressive towards me “your always pushing it”
I start crying and his reply is “oh for f**k sake”
So I walked out of bar in tears and back to the apartment
Sat for dinner on my own

Now I’m so so low at moment. I’m grieving
I feel like a means to an end and paying for a roof over my kids heads with no maintenance from ex husband.
I’ve No dad
A narcissistic mother who is so manipulative demanding me to be with her all the time.
And now a boyfriend who just has no interest in making a go of ‘us’
I just matter to nobody despite caring so much for the people I love

I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, no drugs. I’m really doing my best but so emotionally exhausted and feel so unwanted. Just want to end it all

Any advice welcome

Hard to follow all the emotions. Boyfriend obviously has different ideals to you. MOVE ON and don't get into another caustic relationship.

I am going to ask some questions, not really to get answers but to make you think about the answers.

Forgive the long post but I’ll try to keep it short

So at age of 5, dad left, sold family home and left me, my sister & mum homeless.

Do you have any relationship with your biological dad? Do you have any idea why he took such drastic steps? Or has your mother controlled that narrative? Is it possible there is more to this story?

Mum got a council house and purchased it & moved on. All the time she despised me as I was always ‘daddy’s girl’ and when she saw me, she saw him. Physical and emotionally abused till I left at 19.

This must have been terrible. This alone would need a lot of counselling to get over.

My mother met a man when I was 7 who was the kindest and most gentleman I’ve ever met. He gave me away at my wedding. He was my dad although not biologically. Unfortunately he passed away 3 weeks ago.
I Met a man, 20 years older. He’s aspergers and diabetic and from London. So off I went to live in Uk. We got married, bought a house and had 2 kids.

How did he take the move to Ireland? People with aspergers generally hate change. This must have been a huge upheval.

Decided to move back home so my kids could get to know the one grand parent they had. Husband decided not to work despite having a mortgage to pay

So the onus is now on me. I was dying for another child but he said no and withdrew sexually from me. Coupled with no work, what could go wrong ??

The marriage ended. He can’t afford to move out. I can’t afford to buy him out. Mum offered me to stay at hers for €200 a week. I had to get a safety order for the emotional and physical abuse received. That’s an indication of relationship with mum

A safety order from your mum or your husband?

So in 2011 I met a lovely man. He’s separated with 2 daughters 20&15. Hands over €1400 a month and pays her vhi. This agreement was made when she wasn’t working.

So I still live in my family home and co parenting and paying the bills. Sending kids to Gaeltacht etc. Son just started medicine in UCD.

Why did he separate?

My dad died 3 weeks ago.

Don't make any big life decisions for at least a year. Your dad was the only good person in your life so far that you have described.

My boyfriend is just showing no signs or plans for future despite being together for 8 years. He lives on his own an hour away and it’s always me driving up to see him. No signs of planning a divorce from his ex wife to start any kind of future with me. He keeps saying ‘I will see a solicitor’ but he’s Said it numerous times before.

We are on holidays in Spain at mo and today I brought it up about our future. he gets verbally aggressive towards me “your always pushing it”
I start crying and his reply is “oh for f**k sake”
So I walked out of bar in tears and back to the apartment
Sat for dinner on my own

This guy is using you. He doesn't care about you. My bet is the reason he is separated is because he cheated. Why are you on holidays in Spain with this asshole after your dad died? You should be taking your time to grieve and he should be supporting this.

Now I’m so so low at moment. I’m grieving

Completely understandable. You need to take some time for this.

I feel like a means to an end and paying for a roof over my kids heads with no maintenance from ex husband.

You are doing your duty as a parent. He isn't. Can you take him to court for maintenance (at a later date obviously)?

I’ve No dad
A narcissistic mother who is so manipulative demanding me to be with her all the time.
And now a boyfriend who just has no interest in making a go of ‘us’
I just matter to nobody despite caring so much for the people I love

I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, no drugs. I’m really doing my best but so emotionally exhausted and feel so unwanted. Just want to end it all

Any advice welcome

You are being way too hard on yourself. You have had a ****storm of a life growing up and now you seem to pick men who are of a similar type to your narcissistic mother. My advice : Take some time to grieve and have a look for a counsellor. Dump the douchebag guy you are going out with. I feel for you OP.

ILoveYourVibes

I think you need to move on from the boyfriend.