Nerves when driving

Airyfairy12

Ive started taking lessons but as soon as I step inside the car I start to panic. I cant remember how to do anything and while driving on roads, all I can think about is how I could kill someone in a split second or one little mistake could destroy a life. I cant stop thinking about all the things that could go wrong when driving and its causing me allot of stress.
Is anyone else feeling anything similar? I never thought learning to drive could be so frustrating.

Posy

I completely felt the exact same, and from reading this forum, you're definitely not alone!
It was like a fear of flying, where I would think of every scenario that could go wrong and be completely panicked.

The only thing that desensitised me was doing a lot of lessons pretty close together, so it wasn't as big a deal every time I got in the car. Also, my instructor was great; you definitely need that.

When I was getting driving test ready, I was terrified of the test, so that gave me something else to focus my fear on! :pac:

Airyfairy12

Posy wrote: »

I completely felt the exact same, and from reading this forum, you're definitely not alone!
It was like a fear of flying, where I would think of every scenario that could go wrong and be completely panicked.

The only thing that desensitised me was doing a lot of lessons pretty close together, so it wasn't as big a deal every time I got in the car. Also, my instructor was great; you definitely need that.

When I was getting driving test ready, I was terrified of the test, so that gave me something else to focus my fear on! :pac:

Thanks, I feel that my instructor isnt very understanding. She told me at my last lesson that I should be at the stage where im not panicking and made me feel really stupid.
Ive had about 8 lessons but im not practicing in between and only started on the road about 3 weeks ago. It really knocked my confidence and will no doubt cause me to panic more when in the car with her.

road_high

Airyfairy12 wrote: »

Thanks, I feel that my instructor isnt very understanding. She told me at my last lesson that I should be at the stage where im not panicking and made me feel really stupid.
Ive had about 8 lessons but im not practicing in between and only started on the road about 3 weeks ago. It really knocked my confidence and will no doubt cause me to panic more when in the car with her.

Ask around and change instructors- her job is to reassure as well as teach you. World of difference between a good and a bad one tbh

CalamariFritti

Dont panic.

For starters you're new to it and the vehicle itself feels like this big bad heavy dangerous thing you feel barely in command of. That will change. Eventually you'll have it at your fingertips like your old kids bicycle.

And you're probably suffering a bit from sensory overload. So many things to think of and pay attention to. That'll pass too. You'll get the hang of it.

If nothing else think of the fact that everyone drives, even the biggest numpties somehow manage without killing too many people along the way. So surely you will too.

So if it appears all bit much then thats perfectly normal. Getting to mastery in a cautious way is not bad. You're thinking of how dangerous it can be rather than what mad thing you can try next. Which is exactly the right way. Not enough people give driving a two ton vehicle around the respect and attention it deserves.

You'll fly the thing around eventually, all will be good

Airyfairy12

Thanks, I think I will change instructor. I saw another instructor twice but his availability was so inconsistent it wasnt worth it although after the lessons with him I really felt like I took a bit of a step forward where as with this other instructor I feel like im stuck at the same pace.I am slow to learn how to drive, finding the whole thing frustrating and with anxiety issues it doesnt help but really felt today that she put me down.

@CalaariFritti thats exactly it, so much to think about, so much to do, its so dangerous and I feel I have very little control over the car and whats going on outside the car.

I dont think Ill ever get the hang of it with this driving instructor, im too worried about annoying her every time I make a mistake.

I was such a nervous learner that I couldn't even read this forum until I passed. I was so nervous doing my three tests (passed on the third) that my foot would be skipping on the clutch because my legs were shaking I suffer badly from my nerves. I have to say this ability to drive under severe nerves came back to serve me remarkably well when my precious cat was hit on the road and we put her in the boot and I had to drive her into the vetrinary hospital. I was able to negotiate motorways and lane changes n heavy traffic with my car misting up etc.

I guess what I'm saying is embrace the nerves and do it anyway. I still do this daily when j get behind the wheel. You are no more dangerous than most of the qualified drivers who drove aggressively and dangerously. You can do it.

Posy

I'd definitely recommend changing instructors.

I was SO nervous, without my brilliant instructor I'd have fallen to pieces!

amadangomor

road_high wrote: »

Ask around and change instructors- her job is to reassure as well as teach you. World of difference between a good and a bad one tbh

Different strokes for different folks also. I had one who used tough love with me to get me out of bad habits, he could be quite aggressive but I didn't mind as he was moulding me for the test.

OP obviously needs someone a lot softer to encourage.

irishgirl19

I am the exact same. I feel like I will never be able to drive properly on my own. Even though I can drive I can't visualise not driving where its not practice or a lesson. Failing my test really knocked my confidence.
Obviously everyone is different but my doctor has prescribed me anti anxiety medication to see if that will help me but I'm not even confident it will as its only a driving thing

nkl12xtw5goz70

Airyfairy12 wrote: »

Ive started taking lessons but as soon as I step inside the car I start to panic. I cant remember how to do anything and while driving on roads, all I can think about is how I could kill someone in a split second or one little mistake could destroy a life.

I'm not going to dismiss your fears, because something like this could happen to any of us, but it's much less likely to happen if you focus on becoming an attentive, conscientious, and careful driver.

At this stage, I think you should focus on two things.

The first is basic car control, so that you become so familiar with the mechanics of steering, changing gear, braking, etc., that it becomes embedded in your muscle memory, a bit like when you learned to type. Your goal should be to do the basics of car control without having to consciously think about it, just as you can type the word "banana" without consciously thinking "Where's the 'b' key? Where's the 'a' key?" This frees up your brain so that you can focus on the higher level aspects of driving. If you have a friend who can take you to an empty car park after hours, so that you can drive around without worrying about hitting anything, your confidence behind the wheel will quickly improve.

The second is observation. You can practice this even when you're not actually driving — you could be in the passenger seat, or even sitting in the front of a bus. Watch the road ahead of you. What do you see? Notice the cars, busses, pedestrians, road signs, etc. What hazards can you spot? How would you react to them if you were behind the wheel at that moment?

The key to staying out of trouble on the road is anticipating hazards and never driving so fast that you can't react in time to them.

Airyfairy12 wrote: »

Thanks, I feel that my instructor isnt very understanding. She told me at my last lesson that I should be at the stage where im not panicking and made me feel really stupid.
Ive had about 8 lessons but im not practicing in between and only started on the road about 3 weeks ago. It really knocked my confidence and will no doubt cause me to panic more when in the car with her.

Utter nonsense from your instructor. You've spent 8 hours on the road. You're still at the very beginning stages, where panic and uncertainty are very normal.

Do try to find a way to practice with an accompanying driver between lessons, ideally at times when the roads aren't too busy. The more you drive, the more natural it will become, the more capable you'll get, and the less you'll panic.

Henry Ford III

Practice, practice, and more practice.

Nerves will settle eventually as ability and experience grow - confidence increases. There is no short cut.

zepman

For someone who's nervous, 8 hours is just too little to overcome the anxiety.

Long ago (from 2012 to 2014), I had done about 30 lessons including the EDT. By the end of it, I was still nervous and failed my first test.

I had all but given up the idea of being able to drive. That was until early this year, a friend from work told me he would help me practice and get my licence. So I bought a car, started taking lessons again, and went out for practice with my friend about twice a week for about half an hour each time.

When I bought the car, I wasn't ready to even sit behind the wheel, and I wasn't even a complete beginner. It was my friend who test drove and brought the car home after I paid for it. This was end of January. By the end of March, I was test-ready and passed my test on April 1st.

The 30 hours from the past were spread out over 2 years. But this year, I had driven about 20 hours in 2 months between lessons and practice. So like Posy suggested, just having driving sessions close together actually helped. If I didn't have this friend helping me, then I wouldn't have bought a car, so I would have tried and taken more frequent lessons.

TK Lemon

Hi OP, you’re not alone.
I’m feeling very disheartened lately and feel like giving up on driving.

I’m almost finished my 12 EDT lessons and although I feel I have come a long way from the beginning, I feel like I’m not grasping simple stuff.

I feel like I’m having problems sometimes because I’m getting flustered on the roads by people beeping etc. I know that this is bound to happen, but I just panic and lose confidence in myself and my mind goes blank on what to do.

Maybe it’s just me? Does anyone have any tips on how to keep calm, or driving tips in general?

nkl12xtw5goz70

TK Lemon wrote: »

Hi OP, you’re not alone.
I’m feeling very disheartened lately and feel like giving up on driving.

I’m almost finished my 12 EDT lessons and although I feel I have come a long way from the beginning, I feel like I’m not grasping simple stuff.

I feel like I’m having problems sometimes because I’m getting flustered on the roads by people beeping etc. I know that this is bound to happen, but I just panic and lose confidence in myself and my mind goes blank on what to do.

Maybe it’s just me? Does anyone have any tips on how to keep calm, or driving tips in general?

How much practice are you getting outside the EDT lessons?

It's completely normal for a new learner to feel flustered on the road. If possible, go out with your accompanying driver when the traffic is light, such as early in the mornings, and just get used to driving the car without the added pressure of navigating heavy traffic and impatient drivers. Identify any issues you're struggling with and work on them till you get them right.

Learning to drive is like mastering any other skill. At the beginning, it feels overwhelming because there is so much to remember and do — but trust me, there will come a day when it all "clicks" and starts to feel natural. You just have to persist and practice steadily until that day comes. Don't give up!

About beeping drivers — ignore them. You are in a car that is clearly marked with L-plates so that other road users know to give you extra space and time. People who beep at learners are dicks who have forgotten that they were once learners themselves.

TK Lemon

Emerald Raspy Strength wrote: »

How much practice are you getting outside the EDT lessons?

Honestly, I’m getting no practice outside the EDT lessons, I have no way to practice! My instructor says that I’m doing well for someone with no outside practice, but it really would help. I think I’m too hard on myself sometimes as well.

I hope to have a car very soon.

Airyfairy12

Just came across this thread and wanted to update.

I gave up the lessons after an incident with my driving instructor. After spending just a few hours over weeks of inconsistent lessons, she brought me out a flooded country road in the pouring rain. Firstly while driving on a straight road I asked her if I needed to stop up ahead at the junction or if she wanted me to go straight, she said no just keep going, a few seconds later she said turn left, this was at a busy junction, I went to turn left when she screamed at me to stop, I didnt know what to do at this point, got so nervous and the car cut out. She was so angry with me, I didn't know what I had done.

So got the car up and running again and went left, drove to the bottom of the road to another junction, At this point I was so stressed I couldnt tell my left from my right, my head went totally blank with nerves. So we got to the junction, I was shaking, stopped at the junction, she screamed at me - making me more nervous, tried to drive off but the car kept cutting out, I was so nervous I kept taking my foot off the clutch before accelerating, just couldnt get it right with nerves, all the while she's shouting at me in the car. Got the car going, drove down the flooded road, massive floods right across the middle of the road, she shouted at me to drive around them and not to ruin her car, I went to drive around them and she shouted at me for driving in the middle of the road.

She then pulled over and told me that I should be driving an automatic, I told her I wanted to learn in a manual but she told me I couldnt and if I dont im just going to quit driving. It felt as if she was telling me that im unteachable and will never be able to drive a manual car or something? So I just stopped seeing her after that. She wouldnt even let me drive the rest of the way and tbh I didnt want to. I hated driving by that stage, really didnt want to do it at all.

So a couple of months went by, I was still really determined to learn but just needed a break from it. So eventually got around to contacting to local driving school that had really good reviews and booked a lesson.
By lesson 3 I was driving through town in busy traffic, driving around roundabouts, stop lights, pedestrian crossings and main roads. I was stressed out but the driving instructor made me feel so calm, she was and still is helping me loads, tells me what gear to go into and still talks me through every step of the way but my nerves arent as bad now because of that and im not making the same mistakes, I finally feel like its coming to me, slowly and bit by bit but im getting there. Really getting a hang of it now and in no time she wont have to tell me what gears to go into. Im now much more confident starting and stopping a car, slowing down in traffic, turning, pulling out of junctions and changing gears.
Im not getting practice outside lessons which is slowing my progress allot, the practice would be great for me but just goes to show the difference an instructor can make. In 8 lessons I couldnt stop, start or get out of a junction without conking out with the last instructor. Im doing all that and more in just 3 with someone else.

zepman

Airyfairy12 wrote: »

Just came across this thread and wanted to update.

I gave up the lessons after an incident with my driving instructor. After spending just a few hours over weeks of inconsistent lessons, she brought me out a flooded country road in the pouring rain. Firstly while driving on a straight road I asked her if I needed to stop up ahead at the junction or if she wanted me to go straight, she said no just keep going, a few seconds later she said turn left, this was at a busy junction, I went to turn left when she screamed at me to stop, I didnt know what to do at this point, got so nervous and the car cut out. She was so angry with me, I didn't know what I had done.

So got the car up and running again and went left, drove to the bottom of the road to another junction, At this point I was so stressed I couldnt tell my left from my right, my head went totally blank with nerves. So we got to the junction, I was shaking, stopped at the junction, she screamed at me - making me more nervous, tried to drive off but the car kept cutting out, I was so nervous I kept taking my foot off the clutch before accelerating, just couldnt get it right with nerves, all the while she's shouting at me in the car. Got the car going, drove down the flooded road, massive floods right across the middle of the road, she shouted at me to drive around them and not to ruin her car, I went to drive around them and she shouted at me for driving in the middle of the road.

She then pulled over and told me that I should be driving an automatic, I told her I wanted to learn in a manual but she told me I couldnt and if I dont im just going to quit driving. It felt as if she was telling me that im unteachable and will never be able to drive a manual car or something? So I just stopped seeing her after that. She wouldnt even let me drive the rest of the way and tbh I didnt want to. I hated driving by that stage, really didnt want to do it at all.

So a couple of months went by, I was still really determined to learn but just needed a break from it. So eventually got around to contacting to local driving school that had really good reviews and booked a lesson.
By lesson 3 I was driving through town in busy traffic, driving around roundabouts, stop lights, pedestrian crossings and main roads. I was stressed out but the driving instructor made me feel so calm, she was and still is helping me loads, tells me what gear to go into and still talks me through every step of the way but my nerves arent as bad now because of that and im not making the same mistakes, I finally feel like its coming to me, slowly and bit by bit but im getting there. Really getting a hang of it now and in no time she wont have to tell me what gears to go into. Im now much more confident starting and stopping a car, slowing down in traffic, turning, pulling out of junctions and changing gears.
Im not getting practice outside lessons which is slowing my progress allot, the practice would be great for me but just goes to show the difference an instructor can make. In 8 lessons I couldnt stop, start or get out of a junction without conking out with the last instructor. Im doing all that and more in just 3 with someone else.

That previous instructor sounds like a nightmare and unfit to be in a position to teach. Hope you took the time to give her the review she deserves so others can steer clear of her.

irishgirl19

Wow that instructor sounds horrible!! Someone who is obviously so not suited to that job!
Don't worry about her she just had zero patience. She's probably one of them assholes who beeps behind learners when they cut out.

Glad it's going well with the new instructor!

I'm driving an automatic now and love not worrying about cutting out

Airyfairy12

zepman wrote: »

That previous instructor sounds like a nightmare and unfit to be in a position to teach. Hope you took the time to give her the review she deserves so others can steer clear of her.

Going by her page other people seem to like her, I dunno, what if it was just me that had that problem with her?
She has much younger customers, mostly teenagers who id say are getting allot of practice outside their lessons as most of her posts state that they passed with her help, alongside practice. I got the impression from her that she's not used to learners with no other practice at all?

irishgirl19

Airyfairy12 wrote: »

Going by her page other people seem to like her, I dunno, what if it was just me that had that problem with her?
She has much younger customers, mostly teenagers who id say are getting allot of practice outside their lessons as most of her posts state that they passed with her help, alongside practice. I got the impression from her that she's not used to learners with no other practice at all?

Probably a generalisation but from my own experience teenagers have no fear. I wasn't worried years ago about crashing the car or accidentally killing someone.
Alot of them don't have the nerves like we did and are more confident when driving because they're not worried about the small stuff.
I was very nervous and if one thing went wrong I'd cut out and if cars were beeping I'd cut out about 5 more times before starting

Airyfairy12

irishgirl19 wrote: »

Probably a generalisation but from my own experience teenagers have no fear. I wasn't worried years ago about crashing the car or accidentally killing someone.
Alot of them don't have the nerves like we did and are more confident when driving because they're not worried about the small stuff.
I was very nervous and if one thing went wrong I'd cut out and if cars were beeping I'd cut out about 5 more times before starting

This is so true. At 17 me and my friend decided to take my mams car for a spin, neither of us could drive. Id have been terrified to even start the engine of my mams car 6 months ago in case the car jerked and went into a wall or something.

Drivers that beep at learners deserve to get held up. Your cutting out in front of them is the karma they deserve

Posy

Oh my goodness, Airyfairy. What a horrible experience.

I'm glad you found a different instructor. My instructor was fantastic, without him I wouldn't have ever passed my test.

I took lessons on and off throughout the years, so I feel your pain regarding unreliable/unhelpful instructors!

I've said before here that I passed without any other practice. 100% lessons. 100% terrified of driving. So it is possible. Fair play to you for carrying on despite such an awful incident.

zepman

Airyfairy12 wrote: »

Going by her page other people seem to like her, I dunno, what if it was just me that had that problem with her?
She has much younger customers, mostly teenagers who id say are getting allot of practice outside their lessons as most of her posts state that they passed with her help, alongside practice. I got the impression from her that she's not used to learners with no other practice at all?

That's possible, but it could also be that all those reviews are by her shills.

Regardless, if it's possible, I hope you did (or will) leave her a review describing your own experiences with her.

briany

There is so much to remember when driving that I don't think it can all be done consciously. Before that point where it begins to feel second nature, it feels like a mental juggling act where you're afraid the balls are going to go spilling onto the floor at any moment.