Hen Do - Groom's input?

irish_goat

Hi all, fiancé having her hen do this weekend and casually asked if I had something organised as it's traditonal for the groom to do something.

Been reading online and I can't see any suggestion of what this might entail...Thinking maybe she means I fire the bridemaids a few quid for a few bottles of prosecco. Or does she mean a present?

Any help appreciated...

banie01

Its not traditional IMO, but in the age of social media promulgation of ideas
Its quite common.

My Mrs' Maid of honour organised a Mr and Mrs style quiz sheet and contacted me for the answers.

irish_goat

banie01 wrote: »

My Mrs' Maid of honour organised a Mr and Mrs style quiz sheet and contacted me for the answers.

Done a video with the maid of honour for that already, so I'm covered there at least.

banie01

irish_goat wrote: »

Done a video with the maid of honour for that already, so I'm covered there at least.

That would be as far as I'd go then other than perhaps a round of drinks or a few bottles of bubbly on you

Best of luck with the wedding.

jlm29

I don’t think anyone would say it’s a tradition. I don’t think I’ve ever been at a hen where there was anything from the groom other than the answers to the mr & Mrs questions

Addle

You think right OP.
A bottle of champagne/Prosecco or a bouquet to be presented to your bride to be in front of all her friends so you can be praised by everyone.

skallywag

I know that this is getting more and more common, but if it was me I would certainly not want any involvement at all from my OH, and would say leave it be.

That said if she has asked you what you are doing then I guess the onus is now on you to do something!

El_Duderino 09

I’ve never heard of it as a tradition. Traditions are there to be enjoyed and It sounds like you never heard of this “tradition” either so it doesn’t seem like you’d stand to enjoy it.

I just told my mrs to enjoy herself with her family and friends. That was the sum total of my input to her Hen night.

Do the traditions you actually want to do around your wedding. Otherwise you’ll be dragged from pillar to post trying to satisfy every “tradition” just for the sake of it.

Abel Ruiz

Addle wrote: »

You think right OP.
A bottle of champagne/Prosecco or a bouquet to be presented to your bride to be in front of all her friends so you can be praised by everyone.

Is this the way it is now????
So the groom can get plaudits?

How about leave the bride and her friends/family to plan the hen?

Addle

Abel Ruiz wrote: »

Is this the way it is now????
So the groom can get plaudits?

How about leave the bride and her friends/family to plan the hen?

She has planned his ‘surprise’. She asked about it, but won’t let on she did to her friends/family when it arrives.

Don’t disappoint her OP after she brought it up!

El_Duderino 09

Addle wrote: »

She has planned his ‘surprise’. She asked about it, but won’t let on she did to her friends/family when it arrives.

Don’t disappoint her OP after she brought it up!

Surprise? Oh here, we seem to be talking about a whole different level of marriage stuff here. I can safely say I don’t know about this stuff. I just left my mrs to arrange her hen which was a night out with her aunts and some friends. I didn’t bother with a stag. Just got some mates together for pints. Apart from that we just organised the messing and got married. No surprises, no unwritten rules, no funny business.

I’m not in a position to give any advice on all this stuff so probably disregard my post above.

splinter65

Abel Ruiz wrote: »

Is this the way it is now????
So the groom can get plaudits?

How about leave the bride and her friends/family to plan the hen?

I think Addle is being a bit sarcastic. Some bride somewhere in Ireland was watching either an episode of KUWTK or one of the soaps etc and saw a hens party where the groom sent pizza or fizzy wine or something and it was “soooo emotional” . This bride then instructed the groom to do the same and now it’s de rigeur.
Just more cookie cutter wedding business.
That is all.

Abel Ruiz

Addle wrote: »

Don’t disappoint her OP after she brought it up!

Do disappoint her op. This sounds so childish.

How about do something nice and romantic for her, when it's only the two of you before the wedding?
Not just to impress her friends.
Is it a competition? And she has to prove her hubbie-to-be is the bestest?

Addle

I’m in my late 30s now, so my friends are all long hitched and the bottle of champagne/flowers gift from the groom was very popular on the hens I was going to around 10 years ago.

Nekarsulm

Bung them four bottles of cheap fizz, that's your involvement over.
(Apart from picking them up from the train/bus/whatever)

Anne_cordelia

Addle wrote: »

I’m in my late 30s now, so my friends are all long hitched and the bottle of champagne/flowers gift from the groom was very popular on the hens I was going to around 10 years ago.

Same scenario here and I’ve never heard of any input from the groom into the hen including 10yrs ago when I was on the circuit.

Addle

Really? I’d have thought it was commonplace.
When it’s done once in a group, probably then has to be matched or bettered.
When it’s never encountered, then everyone is in ignorant bliss!

Anyways, she asked about it, so she’s expecting something.

nice bit of green

You could find out what venue they’ll be in at a certain time once they’ve all had a good few drinks. Organize with the bridesmaid to get the bride to be out of the room for a few minutes. You come in, do a striptease to show the rest of them what a lucky girl she is and you’ve done your bit.

splinter65

Abel Ruiz wrote: »

Do disappoint her op. This sounds so childish.

How about do something nice and romantic for her, when it's only the two of you before the wedding?
Not just to impress her friends.
Is it a competition? And she has to prove her hubbie-to-be is the bestest?

That’s about the size of it. The whole wedding shtick is one big long game of oneupmanship.

banie01

Addle wrote: »

l!

Anyways, she asked about it, so she’s expecting something.

And now is as good as time as any to learn a life lesson in not always getting what one wants.
Expectation management if you will.

El_Duderino 09

Addle wrote: »

She has planned his ‘surprise’. She asked about it, but won’t let on she did to her friends/family when it arrives.

Don’t disappoint her OP after she brought it up!

In my relationship, bringing something up isn’t the end of the matter, it’s the start of the chat. Otherwise I’d bring up BJs 4 times a day.

If she wants something, it should at least involve a discussion about all the normal things like, what, why and what’s the budget. Maybe everyone else is loaded, but I have a budget. And ultimately it’s all my and my wife’s collective money. So when she organised her hen with our pooled money, she organised what she wanted within the budget she set. That’s the end of it as far as I’m concerned.

I would certainly say ‘no’ to this.

solerina

irish_goat wrote: »

Hi all, fiancaving her hen do this weekend and casually asked if I had something organised as it's traditonal for the groom to do something.

Been reading online and I can't see any suggestion of what this might entail...Thinking maybe she means I fire the bridemaids a few quid for a few bottles of prosecco. Or does she mean a present?

Any help appreciated...

First I heard of it !!!! Since when has this become common ?

anewme

solerina wrote: »

First I heard of it !!!! Since when has this become common ?

it must be getting more common. There was a different thread on After Hours yesterday with the exact same topic.

skallywag

anewme wrote: »

it must be getting more common.

It certainly is, I am hearing about this myself more and more from friends and acquaintances.

I personally find it annoying and would file it away in the same folder as Engagement Party.

Scarinae

Maybe just ask her what she is expecting? Or if you want to be less direct about it, ask what the grooms did for her friends' hen parties so you have an idea what she's fishing for.

jlm29

Scarinae wrote: »

Maybe just ask her what she is expecting? Or if you want to be less direct about it, ask what the grooms did for her friends' hen parties so you have an idea what she's fishing for.

Or ask her what she’s doing for your stag and plan accordingly

irish_goat

Scarinae wrote: »

Maybe just ask her what she is expecting? Or if you want to be less direct about it, ask what the grooms did for her friends' hen parties so you have an idea what she's fishing for.

I spoke to her sister and turns out her groom-to-be had left a few quid at the restaurant for prosecco, so I've fired her some money for the same.

My stag do is the weekend after so will be interesting to see if the gesture is returned. I imagine it will, tbh.

banie01

anewme wrote: »

it must be getting more common. There was a different thread on After Hours yesterday with the exact same topic.

I'm fairly sure the AH thread took its cue from this thread.

hots

irish_goat wrote: »

I spoke to her sister and turns out her groom-to-be had left a few quid at the restaurant for prosecco, so I've fired her some money for the same.

My stag do is the weekend after so will be interesting to see if the gesture is returned. I imagine it will, tbh.

I think it's getting more common for a few bottle of something or a round etc. from groom to bridesmaid/zillas.... Never heard of it coming the other way though. I've been forewarned myself with a few mentions of "X bought us all a round at Ys hen, that was lovely"

El_Duderino 09

irish_goat wrote: »

I spoke to her sister and turns out her groom-to-be had left a few quid at the restaurant for prosecco, so I've fired her some money for the same.

I can’t help notice the language used around money. To “fire” money at someone kinda sums up the attitude to money in Ireland and the wedding industry is delighted with people “firing” money around the place without even thinking about it.

Maybe I’m different in that I don’t have money to fire, fling or throw. I only have money to spend depending on budget. This is probably a bit off topic.

Mango Joe

God people get so narcissistic and painful around weddings and it's all encouraged along the way so they lose every shred of perspective and common sense entirely and don't even realise how far they gone over to the "me me me me me" side.

OP basically every female your other half has ever spoken to is heading out to suck on plastic willies for the night.

You need to be seen to be marking this wonderful event solemnly and respectfully so she can draw attention to it in front of her peer group and "one-up" several of her recently married friends who are complete b1tches who just want to see her fail.