I feel I have no real friends just people who use me..advice?

I am me123

Hope this is a silly post but just looking for advice. I have always been quite shy, quiet and reserved all my life. However Im not afraid to assert myself if I feel I need to. I think because of being 'quiet' ( really dislike the term) that people automatically percieve me automatically as some kind of a pushover/ odd person or misfit of some kind, and even some friends have begun to make fun of me in front of people, btw as a 'joke', and only hang out with me when they have nobody else. Just find it all very upsetting and I know I need to change and toughen up but don't know how.
Is there a misconception that being quiet means 'odd' or some kind of misfit?
Thanks for reading.

I know the feeling..Don't really have any advice..People can be unpleasant when they see someone as a bit odd, or if you're not part of the mob..I don't know if you necessarily need to toughen up..But good luck anyway,..you can probably sense when someone is being malicious..you dont really haave to accept that..Take care..

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No one's right in the head anyway, your probably over thinking it

emilymemily

You have to love and accept yourself before anyone else can.
When you feel that someone is contacting you to hang out because they dont have anybody else, take control and dont make yourself so available to them, say no once in awhile and remove anyone in your life that makes you feel odd or like a misfit, dont give those people the time of day. A great way of deciphering who those people are is by noticing how you feel after you have spent time with them. In the hours,days or even weeks after spending time with certain people, you may feel less confident, have more negative thoughts or be more self critical of yourself. If any of your 'friends' are leaving you feeling this way, even its very subtle and you cant pin down what exactly theyre doing or saying to have that effect on you, stop spending time with them.
It might mean that you will spend more time alone than you would like but learning to be comfortable by yourself is a skill that will take you through life.

Have you any interests that you could get involved in that could help you meet like minded people? Maybe volunteer doing something you like or take up classes?

Daisy78

You shouldn’t have to modify your personality to be treated with respect, from friends or indeed casual acquaintances. Nothing wrong with being quiet or shy, I might be a bit biased as I’d be a bit like that myself. I think in age where many people seem to think they should broadcast every minutiae or triviality of their day to day life being quiet comes as a refreshing change to be honest. That being said I do think that many people equate quietness with lacking confidence (which bugs the hell out of me) despite the fact you might feel entirely comfortable in your own skin. As one of the other posters mentioned, you might need to get used to pushing back every so often to ensure you don’t get taken advantage of. This might apply moreso to work than social situations. If you are getting grief from friends over this then simply put they aren’t your friends to begin with. They should accept you for who you are, even if that means you hold back a little bit. Perhaps it might be time to reassess your social circle. I’d rather be on my tod than used by so called friends when they are stuck for a plus one.

ILoveYourVibes

Find better people.

whiskeyman

Friends don't make fun of each other the way you describe.
Life's too short to have such negative and annoying people in your life.
Get rid of them and find new people to surround yourself with... But that's if you want.

SirChenjin

It's not you, it's them. They are not nice people to be with. Next time they call upon you for company, refuse, say you're busy. You can be a quiet person, but you can still be an assertive person, as you have said.

Start to look elsewhere for company/ friendship. People who mock you or put you down are not friends. Call them out on it, if it happens again, but ultimately drop them.

Ladyinthedark

If you follow a dream or a goal you have or wanted to achieve and it takes you away from them do it because your living your life at the end of your last breath not others your not going to remember them

Ursus Horribilis

How did you come across these people? How old are you?

Tiddlypeeps

It can be hard to tell if things like this are just insecurity making issues of non-issues or if people are actually just not good friends. Thankfully you have an easy way to find out. Your friends making fun of you in front of other people seemed to really hurt your feelings, so let them know. Don't be accusatory or they'll just get defensive, just let them know how it made you feel and ask them not to do it in future. How they respond to that will tell you everything you need to know. Pretty much anything other than "sorry, won't happen again" means they are not real friends.

Xterminator

Hi Op

if a child finds a drawer full of chocalate and eats a bar, and does not get into trouble they will go back and have a few more. if you nip that behaviour in the bud, then they learn not to take without permissions.

i dont know that there people are actually 'friends'. But you described them as friends. When they act in a manner that mkes you uncomfortable you need to speak up and nip that in the bud right there and then. if you dont - then habits are formed, these behaviours become the norm.

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be 'busy' next time they want to meet up and don't allow others to always chhoses when you meet