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Social anxiety and online dating

  • 22-10-2019 11:14pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    I used to have very severe social anxiety for years. It's improved to a good degree so that I can do things that I couldn't before, but it's still a big problem that impairs me in the sense that it still stops me living the life I'd like to.

    Anyway, I've been single for a while and finally worked up the courage (took a while and chose someone who seemed extremely easy going and kind) to go on an internet date with. I thought it went okay, she seemed to actually really enjoy herself, but contact dropped off quickly afterwards. From what I've read, this is fairly standard with internet dating, but it's still a little bit demoralising.

    I feel a little bit down about it now. Not just the rejection, but I suppose it made me miss my ex of 1 year ago a LOT again. I know it's 1 date, but it's made me feel like I'm facing an impossible task to replace her. The rejection is also a bit of a knock to my already fragile confidence :) On the other hand, I feel really proud of myself that I was able conquer my social anxiety, which has been fairly crippling, and go on a date. There was a time I'd never have thought that much even possible.

    Part of me thinks I should just keep going on dates to build up my immunity to the terror of meeting strange people! The other part worries I might just destroy my confidence/become totally demoralised, and maybe set myself back further on getting over my ex.

    Any advice?


Comments

  • #2
    C3PO
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,812 ✭✭✭C3PO


    Given that you have suffered from social anxiety OP, I would wonder whether internet dating is the place for you? Even for people with plenty of self confidence it can be a pretty demoralizing process. Have you any interests or hobbies that might bring you into contact with people in a more relaxed atmosphere?


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    C3PO wrote: »
    Given that you have suffered from social anxiety OP, I would wonder whether internet dating is the place for you? Even for people with plenty of self confidence it can be a pretty demoralizing process. Have you any interests or hobbies that might bring you into contact with people in a more relaxed atmosphere?

    For some reason joining a social or activity group feels even more daunting. I find one on one contact much easier than dealing with several new people at once. I'm hoping that after a few dead end dates maybe I'll just grow immune to it, and maybe the nerves will disappear once the expectations do too. Wishful thinking maybe!


  • #4
    bitofabind
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 939 ✭✭✭bitofabind


    Maybe you could try going on a few more dates and take a more experiential approach - like, let’s just see how this works. Try to manage your expectations beforehand (“this is probably not going to be my next girlfriend but it could be interesting conversation”) and see how it goes.

    To take this approach, id recommend talking to a few people at once and not taking anyone too seriously.

    If you find your anxiety gets back, you can always delete the apps and try other avenues instead.


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