Bi guys don't exist outside Grindr, apparently...

JackTaylorFan

So, something that straight people always say to me when I talk about dating

"Why don't you use Grindr or go to a gay bar. You could find a nice bi guy there."

Okay, so many things wrong with this but I'll skip to the end:

bi guys are just as likely, if not more so, to be found on straight dating apps, and in ordinary bars. I don't even know where to start with that flawed reasoning - but that's how it be with the heteros









Anyways, just wanted to vent a little

Cheers

Annasopra

Thats kind of an assumption that bi guys dont/shouldnt date women.

I dont understand a lot of weird and strange assumptions people have about bisexuals.

adam88

I have a friend lol. That rather intimate contact with a man and a romantic relationship with a woman.

Annasopra

adam88 wrote: »

I have a friend lol. That rather intimate contact with a man and a romantic relationship with a woman.

Ye wha?

adam88

Joeytheparrot wrote: »

Ye wha?

They rather sex with a man and dates and the whole relationship thing with a woman

DUBLINBUSGUY

Same! And you'd be more likely to find me on the straight dating apps if I used them.

DUBLINBUSGUY

adam88 wrote: »

I have a friend lol. That rather intimate contact with a man and a romantic relationship with a woman.

Same! And you'd be more likely to find me on the straight dating apps if I used dating apps.

Annasopra

adam88 wrote: »

They rather sex with a man and dates and the whole relationship thing with a woman

Wtf?

Annasopra

Sigh

Bisexuality doesnt pigeonhole people into only sex with men and relationships with women at all. Dunno where this drivel comes from.

368100

Joeytheparrot wrote: »

Sigh

Bisexuality doesnt pigeonhole people into only sex with men and relationships with women at all. Dunno where this drivel comes from.

No, but I think lots of bi guys feel that way....myself included.
Never thought I could develop feelings for a guy the same way that I did for girls....until this year which proved me wrong

Annasopra

368100 wrote: »

No, but I think lots of bi guys feel that way....myself included.
Never thought I could develop feelings for a guy the same way that I did for girls....until this year which proved me wrong

Some do. Some dont. But silly really to pigeonhole.

adam88

It’s just the way he is I suppose.

adam88

It’s just the way he is I suppose.

Annasopra

I dont understand. Why do people want to box people in and assume evryone in a box is all the stereotypes associated with that box.

368100

Joeytheparrot wrote: »

Some do. Some dont. But silly really to pigeonhole.

"I think lots do" ...how is that pigeonholing? Didnt say most, didn't say all.....lots.

Ironicname

JackTaylorFan wrote:

but that's how it be with the heteros

Joeytheparrot wrote:

Why do people want to box people in and assume evryone in a box is all the stereotypes associated with that box.

I know. It's horrible.

imme

I think I've only come across hi guys online.
I can't recall meeting any guys who say they're hi.

Ironicname

imme wrote:

I think I've only come across hi guys online. I can't recall meeting any guys who say they're hi.

Wut

imme

Ironicname wrote: »

Wut

Bi.

I typed "bi" and it was changed to "hi", computers grrrrrr.

Ironicname

imme wrote:

I typed "bi" and it was changed to "hi", computers grrrrrr.

I thought it was some new term or gender I hadn't heard of. Thank ****. Haha

imme

Ironicname wrote: »

I thought it was some new term or gender I hadn't heard of. Thank ****. Haha

It'll probably be a 'thing' in a year or so.

Just give it time.

Mezzotint

I'm bi and in my late 30s and I can't really deal with it at all.

I have absolutely no confusion or hangups whatsoever about my orientation and was pretty much always out since my teens, but I have had a few really agressive homophobic reactions from friends of two women who I had previously gone out with who shouted abuse at me and send me nasty messages for "misleading" their friend who 100% knew I'm bi and had no issue with it at all and was even very supportive about my bi-ness. We broke up for various unrelated reasons and their friends have decided that it's because I'm "gay" and "led them up the garden path" because they found I'd gone out with a guy since.

I've been given a severe telling off by someone's brother and father about it and I have had her family members walk past me on the street and literally look up at buildings to avoid eye contact with me or even cross the street.

It's humiliating to put it mildly and I've been so stressed out it's hard to describe.

Then when I go out with guys I get the distinct impression they're convinced I'm going to run off with the next woman that walks past, even though I'm someone who actually prefers a committed to a relationship. I've never really been info hook ups and all. Just wasn't and isn't my thing.

I've also had guys ask "would you not just accept you're gay" which is rather ridiculous as I'm bi. I accept I'm bi and have never had any issues whatsoever, other than practical ones my mid 30s, being bi. Everyone else seems to have a huge issue with it though.

I'm at the stage I just don't even try anymore and have practically just given up. I haven't gone out with anyone in about 3 years at this stage and I don't think I will ever have a love life. It's way too complicated and I couldn't deal with the stress of being given so much hassle like that ever again. I'm happier being totally single and not being judged by people and for the first time since my teens I have no stress. I just find I'm lonely as I've nobody to go do anything with - I miss going to the cinema, having someone to go on holidays with and dinners out and all of that stuff, but I go to various group nights out and stuff and I'll get over it. At this stage everyone seems to be in long term relationships or married anyway, so I'd say I've missed the boat.

Anyway that’s my experience of being bi - conflict, psychos, homophobia, bi erasure and so on.

The only positive I guess is you sometimes find the love of your life when you’re not looking. I’ve found the apps generally pointless. I don’t know if this is anyone else’s experience but I end up going for a pint, or a coffee and I just lose interest. It’s probably just me though I’m kinda gone into comfortably single mode and just seem to have this dread of getting mixed up with all that chaos again after the experiences I had. So it would probably take a lot of convincing to get me out of my comfort zone on this ever again.

I might just go travel the world or start writing that book I’ve been thinking about for years, or just go back into academic research on some topic I’m actually passionate about.

I’m not trying to complain. I’m just saying that I think, in my case anyway, being bi has just not been great at all and for all of Ireland’s newfound openness, being bi seems to just fall by the wayside.

Unless I leave Ireland, cut off all my friends and move on I will never be able to get past the comments about “well he was gay, in the closet and wasted her life” and all of that crap. Just never goes away. Someone gets drunk walks up to me and I get an ear full or they decide to fire off a text. I still get snubbed in the street and I still have an inbox full of abusive Facebook messages calling me all sorts.

It’s like they decided that because we broke up it has to be my fault because I’m bi. We actually broke up totally without stress and both parties moved on happily, yet I’ve still got abuse from people who are nothing to do with us! It’s ridiculous.

My mother even got homophobic stuff sent to her on Facebook about me from a completely unrelated 3rd party who has nothing to with my ex but is completely unhinged.

Fed up with it.

adam88

Mezzotint wrote: »

I'm bi and in my late 30s and I can't really deal with it at all.

I have absolutely no confusion or hangups whatsoever about my orientation and was pretty much always out since my teens, but I have had a few really agressive homophobic reactions from friends of two women who I had previously gone out with who shouted abuse at me and send me nasty messages for "misleading" their friend who 100% knew I'm bi and had no issue with it at all and was even very supportive about my bi-ness. We broke up for various unrelated reasons and their friends have decided that it's because I'm "gay" and "led them up the garden path" because they found I'd gone out with a guy since.

I've been given a severe telling off by someone's brother and father about it and I have had her family members walk past me on the street and literally look up at buildings to avoid eye contact with me or even cross the street.

It's humiliating to put it mildly and I've been so stressed out it's hard to describe.

Then when I go out with guys I get the distinct impression they're convinced I'm going to run off with the next woman that walks past, even though I'm someone who actually prefers a committed to a relationship. I've never really been info hook ups and all. Just wasn't and isn't my thing.

I've also had guys ask "would you not just accept you're gay" which is rather ridiculous as I'm bi. I accept I'm bi and have never had any issues whatsoever, other than practical ones my mid 30s, being bi. Everyone else seems to have a huge issue with it though.

I'm at the stage I just don't even try anymore and have practically just given up. I haven't gone out with anyone in about 3 years at this stage and I don't think I will ever have a love life. It's way too complicated and I couldn't deal with the stress of being given so much hassle like that ever again. I'm happier being totally single and not being judged by people and for the first time since my teens I have no stress. I just find I'm lonely as I've nobody to go do anything with - I miss going to the cinema, having someone to go on holidays with and dinners out and all of that stuff, but I go to various group nights out and stuff and I'll get over it. At this stage everyone seems to be in long term relationships or married anyway, so I'd say I've missed the boat.

Anyway that’s my experience of being bi - conflict, psychos, homophobia, bi erasure and so on.

The only positive I guess is you sometimes find the love of your life when you’re not looking. I’ve found the apps generally pointless. I don’t know if this is anyone else’s experience but I end up going for a pint, or a coffee and I just lose interest. It’s probably just me though I’m kinda gone into comfortably single mode and just seem to have this dread of getting mixed up with all that chaos again after the experiences I had. So it would probably take a lot of convincing to get me out of my comfort zone on this ever again.

I might just go travel the world or start writing that book I’ve been thinking about for years, or just go back into academic research on some topic I’m actually passionate about.

I’m not trying to complain. I’m just saying that I think, in my case anyway, being bi has just not been great at all and for all of Ireland’s newfound openness, being bi seems to just fall by the wayside.

Unless I leave Ireland, cut off all my friends and move on I will never be able to get past the comments about “well he was gay, in the closet and wasted her life” and all of that crap. Just never goes away. Someone gets drunk walks up to me and I get an ear full or they decide to fire off a text. I still get snubbed in the street and I still have an inbox full of abusive Facebook messages calling me all sorts.

It’s like they decided that because we broke up it has to be my fault because I’m bi. We actually broke up totally without stress and both parties moved on happily, yet I’ve still got abuse from people who are nothing to do with us! It’s ridiculous.

My mother even got homophobic stuff sent to her on Facebook about me from a completely unrelated 3rd party who has nothing to with my ex but is completely unhinged.

Fed up with it.

Jesus you’ve been through a lot. I’ve gotten the “your a greedy so and so” “make up your mind” etc etc. Usually shrug it off.

Started seeing this girl, we get on very well and enjoy each other’s company, there’s about 40 or so miles between us and we don’t have mutual friends. She knows I’m bi and is A1 about it, basically one of the first things I told her about me so as to not waste months getting to know each other then bingo “I’m bi” and she running a mile............. anyway wedding in few weeks, want her to go but I know some busy body is gonna drop a dig thinking I haven’t told her,,,, I’m not one bit embarrassed but just genuinely not able for the awkwardness which could be caused by some mog

Mezzotint

I was totally up front about about it always. I don’t feel it’s something to be in anyway embarrassed about. As far as I’m concerned it’s about controversial as having a particular eye colour and my exes in both cases were absolutely fine with it. The issue was their interfering busybody friends and family.

If you do have a few gossips at the wedding, I'd say just stand them down on it. If she's no issues with and you've no issues with it, it's not an issue.

I just got stuck in the middle of a load of rather oddly over-protective friends of ex who seemed to just go into weird mode.

What annoyed me about this is that I have had to go back to ask my ex to knock her friends and family back into line again and she did that without hesitation, but it was after a LOT of nasty behaviour and wasn't something I wanted to have to do.

I just tend to find it all rather over complicated though and, as sad as it sounds, I do nearly feel like I'm being compelled to make a choice of which side to bat for.

JackTaylorFan

Mezzotint wrote: »

I'm bi and in my late 30s and I can't really deal with it at all.

I have absolutely no confusion or hangups whatsoever about my orientation and was pretty much always out since my teens, but I have had a few really agressive homophobic reactions from friends of two women who I had previously gone out with who shouted abuse at me and send me nasty messages for "misleading" their friend who 100% knew I'm bi and had no issue with it at all and was even very supportive about my bi-ness. We broke up for various unrelated reasons and their friends have decided that it's because I'm "gay" and "led them up the garden path" because they found I'd gone out with a guy since.

I've been given a severe telling off by someone's brother and father about it and I have had her family members walk past me on the street and literally look up at buildings to avoid eye contact with me or even cross the street.

It's humiliating to put it mildly and I've been so stressed out it's hard to describe.

Then when I go out with guys I get the distinct impression they're convinced I'm going to run off with the next woman that walks past, even though I'm someone who actually prefers a committed to a relationship. I've never really been info hook ups and all. Just wasn't and isn't my thing.

I've also had guys ask "would you not just accept you're gay" which is rather ridiculous as I'm bi. I accept I'm bi and have never had any issues whatsoever, other than practical ones my mid 30s, being bi. Everyone else seems to have a huge issue with it though.

I'm at the stage I just don't even try anymore and have practically just given up. I haven't gone out with anyone in about 3 years at this stage and I don't think I will ever have a love life. It's way too complicated and I couldn't deal with the stress of being given so much hassle like that ever again. I'm happier being totally single and not being judged by people and for the first time since my teens I have no stress. I just find I'm lonely as I've nobody to go do anything with - I miss going to the cinema, having someone to go on holidays with and dinners out and all of that stuff, but I go to various group nights out and stuff and I'll get over it. At this stage everyone seems to be in long term relationships or married anyway, so I'd say I've missed the boat.

Anyway that’s my experience of being bi - conflict, psychos, homophobia, bi erasure and so on.

The only positive I guess is you sometimes find the love of your life when you’re not looking. I’ve found the apps generally pointless. I don’t know if this is anyone else’s experience but I end up going for a pint, or a coffee and I just lose interest. It’s probably just me though I’m kinda gone into comfortably single mode and just seem to have this dread of getting mixed up with all that chaos again after the experiences I had. So it would probably take a lot of convincing to get me out of my comfort zone on this ever again.

I might just go travel the world or start writing that book I’ve been thinking about for years, or just go back into academic research on some topic I’m actually passionate about.

I’m not trying to complain. I’m just saying that I think, in my case anyway, being bi has just not been great at all and for all of Ireland’s newfound openness, being bi seems to just fall by the wayside.

Unless I leave Ireland, cut off all my friends and move on I will never be able to get past the comments about “well he was gay, in the closet and wasted her life” and all of that crap. Just never goes away. Someone gets drunk walks up to me and I get an ear full or they decide to fire off a text. I still get snubbed in the street and I still have an inbox full of abusive Facebook messages calling me all sorts.

It’s like they decided that because we broke up it has to be my fault because I’m bi. We actually broke up totally without stress and both parties moved on happily, yet I’ve still got abuse from people who are nothing to do with us! It’s ridiculous.

My mother even got homophobic stuff sent to her on Facebook about me from a completely unrelated 3rd party who has nothing to with my ex but is completely unhinged.

Fed up with it.

I wrote this from a trans woman perspective and the attitudes I have encountered when seeking advice from all corners of Irish society, but I really appreciate your perspective. Thank you.