Do they ever leave....

Highroad12

Is a married man more likely to separate if you refuse his advances until he has?

Also why would a man say he is not unhappy but yet want to cheat?

Looking for personal experiences or just opinions.

smelly sock

Highroad12 wrote: »

Is a married man more likely to separate if you refuse his advances until he has?

Also why would a man say he is not unhappy but yet want to cheat?

Looking for personal experiences or just opinions.

Dont be a part of ruining or ending a marriage. No matter what the circumstances.

Padre_Pio

If a man loves you and wants to be with you, then he'll be with you.

Looks like this isn't the case.

ILoveYourVibes

Highroad12 wrote: »

Is a married man more likely to separate if you refuse his advances until he has?

Also why would a man say he is not unhappy but yet want to cheat?

Looking for personal experiences or just opinions.

People leave marriages because of the level of unhappiness that marriage causes. If he is not unhappy he will never leave. Divorce is expensive and painful etc whatever the state of the marriage.

A man might be unhappy but want to cheat because he knows he has options. He might feel he is too good looking too young or wealthy for just one woman and wonder what other things are out there. They usually don't respect other people. Or its an ego thing.

He might be just looking for fun or entertainment. A new toy etc. Life is monotonous they can be looking for a change or something to mix it up. Some excitement.

Caranica

Even if the writing is on the wall for a marriage ending it's not easy to get there. It took over two years for mine to end, from conversation to break up. If anyone had asked me to leave in that time it would have been curtains for them, it had to happen naturally. It did and was much less traumatic as a result.

Anna2834

They never leave...I was in a similar situation a while ago, he was married, but told me he is separated (he had his own place) and it seemed he was telling the truth. Needless to say he was back with his wife within 3 months (he basically ghosted me)...only for him to contact me 2 years later and ask if I would be interested in basically being "the other woman" as he really liked me and the s * x was amazing bla bla bla. He was looking for hook ups maybe twice a week - I just laughed it off. He contacts me from time to time to see if I haven't changed my mind.

Claims to be happily married and that he will never leave his wife but that he needs a "distraction" as he has a high s *x drive that the wife doesn't really satisfy. I am laughing at this even now.....

They will never leave unless they get kicked out and then why would you want to have someone else's leftovers or as I sometimes call them - damaged goods. Remember - they will do the same thing to you, and trust me they will definitely do the same thing to you. No questions about that.

Chin up and tell him to F off.

Xterminator

Hi OP

some marriages are dead. you see plenty of people posting here about loveless/sexless marriages etc. But in my expereince it sometimes takes a little more motivation for one partner to end the marriage and deal with all the fallout that ensues. And lets be honest it is messy. One of the partners meeting someone else and wanting to pursue a relationship could be just the kind of motivation needed to break up a marriage.

some people cheat and have no intention of leaving the marriage. they say all the right things, get what they want, but have no intention of breaking up the marriage.

If you are considering a relationship with a married partner, before the couple even officially separate then there are some considerations.

Are you satisfied that they are genuine? I suspect you are not , by your post. what does it say about the character of the person you are planning a future with, if they are willing to cheat on their partner. have you considered what the chances are that they would cheat on you?

Who will be hurt by the breakup, are there kids too?

Are you happy to be cast it the role of homewrecker/adulterer?

The absolutely and only situation i would countenance in your position is that you agree to be friends only until the marriage is over. IE your a friend only and will stay single in anticipation of the marriage being ended. It is possible to love someone and wait for them.

If he/she agrees then you know their not just looking for sex. any other situation leaves you cast as the villian - and if your honest, perhaps rightly so.

nthclare

The advantages of staying single and having harmless fun along the way with like minded people far outweighs being dishonest and putting your and someone else's lives in the ****...

The ripple effect of adultery is horrific, the fckin drama, emotional pain and anxiety isn't worth it.

The amount of men and women looking for action outside of their "till death do us part"contract is staggering....

I'm a bicurious guy who swing's both ways, play's safe and only date's bisexual women and straight women who are open minded and more interested in the person rather than their sexual preferences...
Ironically women are not biased towards bi men if they're upfront for the get go, surprising a lot of women would hook up with a bi man, be safe don't be silly put that condom on your Willy

The likes of fabswingers, fabguys and Grindr and tinder is full of married people looking for the aul hot erotic lust fuelled encounter with strangers...

Grindr and fabguys is full of married men looking for another guy to play with.
No way would I be interested in hooking up with a married man or woman, too much hiding and bull****.

My gay friend is a total slut and meets married guys occasionally, he says around 50% of the married guy's go from street angle to bedroom psycho after they blow their load....

It's all dramatics, " you're discreet yeah, dont fckin salute me on the street, I've a reputation"

A few days later the bastard's are messaging him on Grindr or fab guys again, same **** horny as fck... back to the bedroom blows his load, same mantra again....

Cheating is for loser's, just end your relationship if you want to play the 4 legged monster with whomever....

The trauma and drama with sprinklings of guilt and anxiety is only for the weak....

Neyite

Highroad12 wrote: »

Is a married man more likely to separate if you refuse his advances until he has?

Also why would a man say he is not unhappy but yet want to cheat?

Looking for personal experiences or just opinions.

Men aren't a hive mind. You seem to think that if you don't have sex with him that it will entice him further to leave his marriage but he's being crystal clear here and you need to listen to him. He's telling you that his marriage is fine and that he wants something on the side. And that's all that he wants. He's not going to leave her. And you aren't going to get the relationship you seem to be looking for if you are placing all your hopes on this guy.



I'm sure you can do way better than this man. Why would you waste your time with him?

nthclare

Neyite wrote: »

Men aren't a hive mind. You seem to think that if you don't have sex with him that it will entice him further to leave his marriage but he's being crystal clear here and you need to listen to him. He's telling you that his marriage is fine and that he wants something on the side. And that's all that he wants. He's not going to leave her. And you aren't going to get the relationship you seem to be looking for if you are placing all your hopes on this guy.



I'm sure you can do way better than this man. Why would you waste your time with him?

I cannot understand people who've no clue about the dynamics of having an affair with a married man or woman.

The whole thing is like a mental obstacle course with hot coals scattered throughout.

1 Kid's get hurt.
2 Partner gets hurt
3 Always a risk of getting caught
4 Getting caught
5 Turfed out of the family home
6 He or she has nowhere to go
7 Want's to leave partner move in with you
8 Novelty wares off
9 Ends upLiving in a **** hole
10 your partner you cheated on mets someone else
11 You create drama and hostility, telling everyone she or he cheated on you, but realistically you're the cheater or wife beater.
12 Solicitors, you end up paying half or more of the mortgage, then maintenance for the kids and exe partner...
you're paying rent for a ****ty smelly bedsit.
13 you go on tinder, swiping away getting the odd match...
14 who the fck want's a separated cheater living in a damp bedsit, with maybe 35 Euros a week after paying for their self indulgence decisions.
15 You silly cnut should have never gotten married in the first place.
16 Your ex husband or wife has their new partner moved into your family home, they're having amazing sex and are really into each other. You're paying for 75% of the mortgage on that house, and life is ****...
17 The person who you had the affair with, looks amazing, still sexy but you're gone so fat and ugly she doesn't even remember you when she walks by you on a rainy Saturday in her skinny jeans, black Boots under a Gucci umbrella...
18 now look at your life all because you're a cheater

LegacyUser

My OH was married when we started seeing each other. He had issues within his marriage that i think both he and his wife ignored.
I think that his meeting me maybe gave him the extra incentive to leave his wife.

OP, nobody can really tell you if your guy will leave his wife, he may be lying to you about their situation, it also may well be that he is truly unhappy.

If he does leave her, which I'm guessing is what you want, be under no illusion, it is really HARD to be in a relationship with somebody going through a break up.
There are constant doubts about if he is really over his ex. You hear alot of the breakup arguments, alot of which may be about you. His friendship groups are divided and you may never share the same friends, some of his friends will blame you for the breakup.
You also have the doubt that he cheated on her what's to say he won't with you.

As happy as we are now i would rather (he was never married) he was well and truly seperated before we got together.

The White Feather

OP, I don't know if you have heard the show Loveline with Dr Drew where people call in with problems but I remember seeing an interview with Dr Drew talking about the show. He was saying the most common type of call was nearly always a woman calling in to say that she is sleeping with a married man and how long or what will it take for them to leave their wife. Should they withhold sex or wait or whatever.

He was saying that the husbands will rarely leave their wives and just want to keep the sex going as long as possible so they will say anything. I would agree with that also.

Salthillprom

Don't be a cuckoo in the marital nest.

If he doesn't want to be married, let him leave his wife and reconnect with you when he is out of his marriage.

Has he kids? Consider them. They are innocent parties and through the actions of an affair (& subsequent separation/divorce), they will end up with only seeing their parents for a few nights each, every week because it's likely they won't live together anymore. So the wife, through no fault of her own, will likely not be able to put her kids to bed 7 nights a week because custody is likely to be shared.

Have some dignity and walk away. The way you think now is not reality. You're living in fantasy world.

He might appear to be your dream man or your soulmate right now....but trust me, he isn't. Because if he was, then he wouldn't be married. He'd be free as a bird to pursue a relationship with you.

I'll go back to what I said at the start... No matter WHAT condition he alleges his marriage is in right now, do NOT be a cuckoo in the nest. Let him go and if he officially separates, let him come find you. Don't be a doormat for goodness sake (I'm sure you think you aren't being one, but don't fool yourself).

Edited to add: married men cheat because they want a confidence boost or maybe they aren't getting enough sex at home at the moment (maybe wife is exhausted with young kids?), they're good-looking and want attention, they have lost a spark in their marriage. There are endless reasons. He is satisfied in his marriage you say, so it's likely he is still sleeping with his wife. He'll insist he isn't though to you.

Highroad12

Thanks for the good advice everyone. We are not sleeping together but he wants to. He has always had a thing for me and I'm not sure why he got married tbh. Anyway I've told him nothing will happen.

He claims he is happily married, if that's the case why want me....trying to convince himself I think! Anyway, not my problem.

Padre_Pio

Highroad12 wrote: »

Thanks for the good advice everyone. We are not sleeping together but he wants to. He has always had a thing for me and I'm not sure why he got married tbh. Anyway I've told him nothing will happen.

He claims he is happily married, if that's the case why want me....trying to convince himself I think! Anyway, not my problem.

Ultimately that's the best decision. Some people might find the novelty, secrecy and salaciousness of going off with a married man appealing, but you've spared yourself a world of hurt.

Unfortunately, the "other woman" usually takes the brunt of it when it all comes out. Wives tend to stand by their cheating husband and the Jezebel who tempted the poor innocent fella gets the blame for it all.

Salthillprom

Highroad12 wrote: »

Thanks for the good advice everyone. We are not sleeping together but he wants to. He has always had a thing for me and I'm not sure why he got married tbh. Anyway I've told him nothing will happen.

He claims he is happily married, if that's the case why want me....trying to convince himself I think! Anyway, not my problem.

Wise decision.
You should probably put some distance between him and you too. No point in being in the way of temptation and all that. You've 1,000,000% done the right thing. Don't sway.

it's simple - can't speak for women but most men want sex from as many women as possible. Some have morals that override this impulse - i.e. they made vows, but many will ignore these, or simply don't care. Many would do it but are not attractive enough to actually carry this off in practice. Some actually have morals.

If a woman other than their wife is a source of sex they will lie about their feelings for a good few sessions in the bedroom ... with their wife at home minding the babies and ironing their underwear ... and even in some cases getting beaten by the husband for looking at other men ... and somehow they are the ones that lots of women think are "lovely guys" ...

All comes down to morals, likewise having an affair with a married person is morally wrong, but many will argue that "they're not the one that made the promise" ... total nonsense IMO.

lunamoon

Even if they do leave, you'll have that niggling feeling at the back of your mind constantly that they'll do the exact same to you. It's never worth it.