how to decide what is best

LegacyUser

I am struggling with a decision and have been for a few years now and trying to figure out what to do. I am a parent of a few kids of various ages. Worked full time for years with young kids and found the office 9-5 + commute for years difficult with family life. Felt guilty filling up holidays with summer camps/minders/creches as I got the standard 4 weeks annual leave and evenings were rushed and stressful. I trained into a different career which is family friendly in terms of working hours and holidays....but I feel I am on the wrong path. Work is scarce and offers no security.

I had a choice to make and I chose what seemed to be realistic at the time. I still regret not choosing a different career path which would have been more difficult to pursue but would have led to a good qualification in an area I am passionate about. I would feel satisfied and challenging however the hours involved in studying are long. The working hours are long and demanding. The career doesn't suit family life and as a newbie hours will be long. I now think about it every day that I have made the wrong decision and am torn as to what to do. If I go into the new field I will be making significant sacrifices when my children are small but I can't leave it until I am too old or it will be too late.

I feel guilty having the choice to spend so much time with my children in my current career and moving into that will be the opposite. I try to fulfil my passion in my spare time but it makes me want to go for it even more.

lastusername

Guest! wrote: »

I am struggling with a decision and have been for a few years now and trying to figure out what to do. I am a parent of a few kids of various ages. Worked full time for years with young kids and found the office 9-5 + commute for years difficult with family life. Felt guilty filling up holidays with summer camps/minders/creches as I got the standard 4 weeks annual leave and evenings were rushed and stressful. I trained into a different career which is family friendly in terms of working hours and holidays....but I feel I am on the wrong path. Work is scarce and offers no security.

I had a choice to make and I chose what seemed to be realistic at the time. I still regret not choosing a different career path which would have been more difficult to pursue but would have led to a good qualification in an area I am passionate about. I would feel satisfied and challenging however the hours involved in studying are long. The working hours are long and demanding. The career doesn't suit family life and as a newbie hours will be long. I now think about it every day that I have made the wrong decision and am torn as to what to do. If I go into the new field I will be making significant sacrifices when my children are small but I can't leave it until I am too old or it will be too late.

I feel guilty having the choice to spend so much time with my children in my current career and moving into that will be the opposite. I try to fulfil my passion in my spare time but it makes me want to go for it even more.

Here’s a question for you...what if it was ok to feel guilty? A little bit...or even a lot, as seems to be the case here.

What if that was ok, and not a sign of anything, or saying anything about who you are?

strandroad

Are you a single parent? Do you have any family support around you at all?

LegacyUser

<Mod snip>

There is always time to study, work and be with your kids. People who constantly bang on about "no time" are simply not utilising their time in the most efficient way.
I've gone through exactly what you are describing and even though I am not quite out on the other side yet, I'm so incredibly glad I made the decision I made.
I don't regret having not a spare minute to waste. I am incredibly happy though to have made up my mind to pursue the new career in which I believe, and I know I would have felt a lot worse not making this decision.

saggycaggy

Hi,

I'm going through a very similar "dilemma" at the moment myself. Have years experience in an office admin role that I finished up in at the start of the year. I have young children and currently at home with them full time but also looking for work. Ideally I would love to return to college and become qualified in an area I'm passionate about but to do this my family would have to make sacrifices (it's a full time course) and the course is pretty full on and like you I don't want to wait until I'm too old to do it either!
I can't afford to do the course just yet anyway but I'm trying to decide whether to work towards it or just get a job as oppose to working towards a career.


Thanks.

ILoveYourVibes

I would choose family over career. But that's me.


You should decide what you want to do OP and don't feel guilty ...guilt is a useless emotion.

joeguevara

There is no right answer here and whatever you choose there will be pros and cons. What I do know is that children are resilient and if there is a routine they will adapt.

Also when kids are at school and then have after school clubs and camps they are away from parents anyway. Also kids pick up on things no matter how subtle and if someone feels they made the wrong choice and feel bad about it, it can be felt.

Look at all aspects... If your new career can be achieved by also ensuring proper family time.. Go for it. If it means you lose out on family life then don't. Good organization means you have both. Some of the best parents I know work long hours but they make it work.

woodchuck

Mod note:

OP, please do not engage in a PM exchange with posters offering advice on this forum.

saggycaggy, your offer of PM advice though well meaning is strictly forbidden in the forum for the reasons outlined in the charter.

saggycaggy

Sorry about that - I didn't realise.