GF broke up with, shocked

theguzman

My Girlfriend of the last three months broke up with me over the weekend completely out of the blue.

We were at dinner and there was a couple next to us and as a rule I never look at my mobile when I am out because it is rude and she had earlier criticized me for constantly checking match results when we were out early in the relationship.

There was another couple next to us taking selfies and suddenly she demanded that I share my phone with her which I did having opened the camera but keeping it locked. You can use the camera but see nothing else.

Anyway we ended up having a huge disagreement as I would not allow her into my phone, she accused of hiding things and cheating on her and then she broke up with me there and then.

We had a large fight last week where she basically bollocked me out of it as I got lost trying to find her location in Dublin and ended up twenty mins late. I am not from Dublin. I apologised over being late and didn't make excuses etc. and I never even raised my voice once to her in the relationship.

My ex GF would sometimes message me and I would humour her, long story, I didn't block her as we were friends still, we broke apart due to distance but I had never deleted her messages from my phone. We even had a conversation last week about the outburst of I getting lost and this ex was generally trying to be supportive.

There was a whole pile of messages, sexts and old material all undeleted within whats app as I had a few hookups prior to entering this relationship. I was embarrassed and refused to let her access my phone due to this.

I stood my ground but lost my girlfriend and I am deveestated, immediately I thought oh my god I'm screwed, she is gone either way so I refused her access to it. Is phone access like this common place because in all my dates and relationships I respected this boundary.

GarIT

theguzman wrote: »

We even had a conversation last week about the outburst of I getting lost and this ex was generally trying to be supportive.

She might have been going too far with demanding to see your phone but IMO what I have quoted above is emotional cheating. Your ex being supportive about an issue with you more recent GF that's cheating.

combat14

"We had a large fight last week where she basically bollocked me out of it as I got lost trying to find her location in Dublin and ended up twenty mins late. I am not from Dublin. I apologised over being late and didn't make excuses etc. and I never even raised my voice once to her in the relationship."

sounds like you had a lucky escape. imagine a life time of that ....

also what business does she have controlling you demanding to see your phone after a few weeks dating .......

sounds very controlling behaviour to me... count your blessings ... run don't look back ...

GarIT

GarIT wrote: »

She might have been going too far with demanding to see your phone but IMO what I have quoted above is emotional cheating. Your ex being supportive about an issue with you more recent GF that's cheating.

couldnt disagree more with this

OP you dodged a bullet, walk away whistling

zapper55

I dont think its cheating but it is unfair and inappropriate.

However re the phone and the break up. I think you had a lucky escape. Her behaviour was not healthy.

GarIT

[Deleted User] wrote: »

couldnt disagree more with this

OP you dodged a bullet, walk away whistling

I do think OP dodged a bullet. I also think it's not ok to talk to an ex about your current relationship.

bottlebrush

Only three months into the relationship and she was only starting as she meant to go on. She was telling you the type of person (horrible person) she was and you thought it was ok and you would still be with her only she ended it. It's pitiful to hear you say you are devastated when you in actual fact are a very lucky man to have dodged a lot more than 3 months of this. I think you should work on your self esteem and figure out what is acceptable or not in a relationship.

Dial Hard

I think there's a pair of you in it, tbh, but on balance you probably dodged the bigger bullet.

Kidchameleon

She is nuts, NUTS! Lucky escape

Mr. Incognito

Mental behavioral trust issues.

Bullet dodged.

Dtp1979

I fail to see why you’re devestated by this op. From an early stage you said she was criticising how much you used your phone!! And it’s still at an extremely early stage and she’s carrying on with this craic now. Good riddance I say

ManOfMystery

I've been with my wife for 11 years, married for 7. We still ask the other one if we need into their phone for some reason, and we don't 'snoop around'.

3 months in, she certainly shouldn't be demanding access to your phone - particularly for no good reason - and then blowing her top because she couldn't get it. So I think you've done yourself a favour here and found out sooner rather than later that she is insecure, controlling and short-tempered.

leggo

The second someone demands access to your phone, the relationship is already over, so it’s just a case of if you want your ex to read all your texts or not.

Seriously though: see this person as a crazy person and in a very short time the sting from this will have completely evaporated while their behaviour will make total sense to you.

LegacyUser

Sounds like you dodged a bullet there if she's going on like that.

You shouldn't be texting your ex though about issues with any new girlfriend, I assume that was what you meant when you said she was trying to be supportive, and that she was not just trying to be supportive over you getting lost. That to me would be a dumping offence. Of course no one would know if they don't check your phone!! but you can't use ex girlfriends to complain about current ones!

Bob Harris

theguzman wrote: »

We had a large fight last week where she basically bollocked me out of it as I got lost trying to find her location in Dublin and ended up twenty mins late. I am not from Dublin. I apologised over being late and didn't make excuses etc. and I never even raised my voice once to her in the relationship.

My ex GF would sometimes message me and I would humour her, long story, I didn't block her as we were friends still, we broke apart due to distance but I had never deleted her messages from my phone. We even had a conversation last week about the outburst of I getting lost and this ex was generally trying to be supportive.

Well done for not raising your voice once in a 3 month relationship.

Discussing your current relationship with your ex is hardly a great idea. Your new ex might be a bit bonkers but she had an inkling of something.

Keyzer

She sounds like a total nutter - count yourself lucky and go enjoy your new found freedom.

And delete all that saucy stuff from the previous GF.

DonnaDarko09

No one, in any relationship, no matter the length, has the right to see someone else’s phone.

BUT, you say you were messaging your ex about an issue you had with your current relationship and were essentially getting emotional support. This is not cool and would cross a boundary in my opinion. Did your current girlfriend know you were not together due to distance and not other circumstances? Honestly it sounds like you may not be ready for a relationship yet. I wonder did she have an inkling that something was going on and hence asked to see the phone.

LegacyUser

Yep in fairness to the girl, you were doing something you shouldn't have been doing, texting your ex, her gut instinct might have alerted her to that and she was correct in her suspicions.


I would be very reluctant to start calling her a nutter or crazy due to demanding to see your phone when you actually have been doing something that you shouldn't have been doing, and that you didn't want her knowing about!! The fight last week sounds OTT but again we don't know all the details, and if her gut instinct this week was telling her you were hiding something then perhaps that played a part last week too.

I can't edit my original post but i'd say you both dodged a bullet in this case. Either way she did the right thing for you both by ending it! Perhaps she realised it's ridiculous to be having those trust issues only 3 months into a relationship, it's bringing out the worst in me, and said to herself, f**k this!

Be glad that it's over!

leggo

image verification wrote: »

Yep in fairness to the girl, you were doing something you shouldn't have been doing, texting your ex, her gut instinct might have alerted her to that and she was correct in her suspicions.


I would be very reluctant to start calling her a nutter or crazy due to demanding to see your phone when you actually have been doing something that you shouldn't have been doing, and that you didn't want her knowing about!! The fight last week sounds OTT but again we don't know all the details, and if her gut instinct this week was telling her you were hiding something then perhaps that played a part last week too.

I can't edit my original post but i'd say you both dodged a bullet in this case. Either way she did the right thing for you both by ending it! Perhaps she realised it's ridiculous to be having those trust issues only 3 months into a relationship, it's bringing out the worst in me, and said to herself, f**k this!

Be glad that it's over!

There’s a right and wrong way to react though. Like I can give someone leeway for acting out-of-character crazy during a relationship because we’ve all done it in some way when emotions were high. But when you hear the words “Give me your phone” come out of your mouth, for most healthy-minded people it’d set off alarm bells that something isn’t right. For her to not be aware of that and to respond the way she did leads me to think there’s something seriously wrong on her end. It suggests her normal is unhealthy and she’s somewhat detached from reality.

But you’re also not wrong to say that him texting an ex is equally unhealthy and likely played into making it toxic. This seems like one of these relationships with two insecure attachment styles meshing and just bringing out the worst in each other and it’s probably for the best for both that it’s over.

LegacyUser

@Leggo, I get what you're saying, but I don't think we know enough about her to conclude there's something seriously wrong on her end! I guess I just don't like people being labelled nutters or crazy over a couple of incidents, especially when we already know that the OP has been doing something that could have caused her to be paranoid!

If it was gut instinct then she was right in this case because he was texting his ex, which is something that for many people is a dumping offence!

The chan chan man

Bullet dodged! Consider yourself lucky and move onto the next psycho..

joeguevara

People are being way too harsh calling her a psycho or a nutter. Why are you shocked that she broke up when you were texting your ex and even worse about your current gf.

You said you only humour your ex but going into that isn't.

No girl will put up with that no matter how cool they are. Now she was wrong the way she acted but it probably was a build up.

The chan chan man

joeguevara wrote: »

People are being way too harsh calling her a psycho or a nutter. Why are you shocked that she broke up when you were texting your ex and even worse about your current gf.

You said you only humour your ex but going into that isn't.

No girl will put up with that no matter how cool they are. Now she was wrong the way she acted but it probably was a build up.

Fair point actually!

Xterminator

Hi Op

Often the issue you break u about is only a symptom rather than the main issue. In this case you broke up over a argument about your phone, but the real issue was the lack of trust.

Did you behave in a manner that caused your GF to doubt you?
Do you have a history of infidelity that may have sowed the seed of doubt?
Has she trust issues doe to previous relationships?
Or as one poster put it was she a nutter ?

Look im not sure if you are just looking for people to tell you you were in the right. Mostly you were, you have a right to not share your phone if you so desire. She has a right to break up with you if she doesn't trust you.

Could your actions you have disclosed (hookups when broken up she didn't know about and the remaining evidence on your phone , texting your ex about your current relationship and getting advice from her ...) have contributed to the trust issues. Yes, for sure they could have. The above examples aren't great.

so id say you should treat this as a learning experience. See what you could have done better, and work on it.

PS i wouldn't recommend you get back with the girl in the future!

LegacyUser

joeguevara wrote: »

People are being way too harsh calling her a psycho or a nutter. Why are you shocked that she broke up when you were texting your ex and even worse about your current gf.

You said you only humour your ex but going into that isn't.

No girl will put up with that no matter how cool they are. Now she was wrong the way she acted but it probably was a build up.

Yep this could have been a huge factor here, even the description of texting the ex throws up a bit of a red flag to me about how the OP might deal with confrontation, play dumb, act naive, didn't do anything wrong, ah sure I was only humouring her.

The naivety from the OP got me at first and I explained why he shouldn't text the ex about new girlfriends, but grown men shouldn't need to be told that! It can seem like such a subtle thing but it's frustrating as hell to have to deal with!

Texting with your ex GF .... unacceptable. Demanding to see your phone .... unacceptable. You both need serious self examination before embarking on another relationship. One thing's for sure, you are bad for each other.

ashes2014

Texting your ex was the end of your relationship one way or the other.

If you had of given her your phone, she would of seen you messaging your ex and she would of definitely ended the relationship.

By not giving her your phone, she was highly suspicious and suspected something and ended it anyway.