Brother in crazy mode

mea_k

My brother and sister are twins, just started Collage. Sister done really good and got her place in one of best collages in Ireland. Brother wanted to get that college but his points didn't get him in so he settled with also good college, both done nearly 500 points. Anyway, me and my sister even tho huge age gap hang quite regularly. I keep asking him to hang with me but most time he says he won't. Nit so long agoo he got incredibly drunk. Came home and lashed out that I wouldn't include him, that his sister gets jobs etc. Even tho he isn't applying for jobs at all. And that he wanted to kill himself. Since then I have asked him nearly every third day to do something. I'm single parent working full time but I do the grind as I felt awful. He yet has to hang out with me since then.
Today me and my sister where setting up printer, he was upstairs and I had to turn off WiFi for couple of minutes. He came down raging, to the point that he called me awful names and threw can at my sister and it got her in her head. He twisted anything I said and got nasty. And now I'm fuming. I don't know what to do really because if he can do that to her I reckon he would do it to someone else. And at that point someone will hit him back.. I or my sister wouldn't obviously do it. Wtf do I do now. The whole family seems so pissed. I'm just wondering is this gonna be regular accourance of him lashing out like this. Its not normal and every weekend seems to be ruined.
How do I get him help? Or how do I make him realise this is not normal? Or is it just 18 year old temper?

Dial Hard

Where are your parents in all this?

black_and_blue

Used to have the nicest little brother but he turned. Drinking every weekend, lazy, wouldn't get a job. I honestly think it's more than drink that young men are on and he's on drugs. He turned on me for no reason, I never done anything on him and he's just always very aggressive. So I think it's more than drink your brother is on. You cannot blame it on not getting his first choice in college.

Ursus Horribilis

What have your parents said or done to date about this? It's not your job to parent your brother. Has he always had an attitude problem or is this behaviour a new thing? From here, I can't tell whether it's a bad attitude, drugs or mental health issues. If you feel you need to do something, talk to your mother or father and light a fire under their arses.

ILoveYourVibes

Sounds like 18 yr old temper plus the booze.

tara73

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

Sounds like 18 yr old temper plus the booze.

where's this generalisation coming from all 18yr old have a bad temper and physically attacking their closest relatives/people?

he physically attacked you and your sister, I would be as concerned as you are about this behaviour, it's domestic violence. you both should tell him if this happens again you will call the guards.
Can your sister not move out, doesn't seem to be healthy living there.

And yes, big question, where are the parents in this??

Ursus Horribilis

Why should the sister move out? If he's behaving like a thug, it should be him who's shown the door.

seamus

Point A, this is not normal. This is not even inside the boundaries of "typical 18 year old male behaviour", so don't allow yourself or anyone else to write it off like that.

Point B, try and listen to what he's saying. You say you don't exclude him, and I take you at your word. But you acknowledge that he is excluded. And that's a sore point for him. So whether or not he does it to himself, he feels excluded and this is a source of considerable angst for him.

Point C, you have your own family to manage, you don't need to be a parent to your siblings.

Try and make a solid effort to include your brother - maybe even go out with him, without your sister. Go get a coffee, sit outside looking at a beach, have a good chat with him. Get him to open up; show that you care. He may need actual professional help. Don't be afraid to consider this possibility?

Perhaps the reason he doesn't go out with you and your sister is because he feels excluded even when he's in your company? So without her, you might get more out of him?

votecounts

No way is that normal behaviour, does he have a drink problem? Might seem harsh, I'd show him the door until he wises up and apoligises and maybe a period of giving up the booze would be best for him.

tara73

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

Why should the sister move out? If he's behaving like a thug, it should be him who's shown the door.

As the OP didn't clarify, my thought was the sister still living in the parents house with him and, at least that's my experience from others and myself, teens in this age would like to move out of their parents place anyway the sooner the better.

but you are right, he should be thrown out of the place but I guess it's not that easy and as it is physical violence involved one have to think if it's worth the risk to stay there...

however, it's speculation anyway as the OP didn't give info about the living situation.

Ursus Horribilis

The parent(s) in that house aren't doing much parenting, by the looks of things.