mums breast cancer, palliative care and other considerations

Baby01032012

Hi all,

This may have been discussed at length before so apologies if I’m going over old ground. I have a lot of reading to do.

My mum has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer that has spread to fluid around her lungs, her bones and it appears a tumor is pushing against her food canal making eating very difficult. Her consultant has told her chemo is not an option and palliative care is the plan to make her as comfortable as possible. He has told her she has 4 - 6 months.

Palliative care will talk to her in a couple of days. At moment she is not in pain, well able to get around.

I’m her only child and my dad is in a nursing home, so I’m trying to think of what I should be doing to make the next few months as comfortable as possible.

I’ve a lot going on and may have to reorganize my life to have some quality time with my mum. I split from my wife last year. So I have have my kids every weekend and see them during week too. I’ve recently started a 2 year college course which requires a lot of continuous work. I work full time as well as look after a small business for my parents.

As I said I’ll read up in terms of my mums care. Any pointers as to what I need to consider or look into care wise etc. personally I think I may have to park my course. However it’s work related and may be difficult not to continue. Even just the though of everything I will have to juggle gives me palpitations!

looksee

It is sometimes astonishing how life chooses to throw everything at us at the same time. You have a lot going on OP, I do hope you can succeed in dealing with it all. So sorry about your mum, its not going to be easy.

As you say, something will probably have to go and I would suggest the first thing you do is talk to the course organisers and explain your current situation; you are unlikely to be able to give it your full attention in the circumstances and they may be able to defer it for a year. You are going to have to explain the situation to your wife and tell the children about their granny - what age are they? Hopefully she will be able to be flexible about arrangements with the children if it is necessary.

Try not to panic, and see what the palliative care team have to say. You may find it helpful to talk to your own doctor too, so that if you do feel you can't cope he will understand where you are.

The old adage that we are given strength to deal with things is usually really surprisingly true, try not to let everything overwhelm you, try and keep calm. Try and deal with everything individually - don't allow yourself to add up all you have to deal with at any one time. Yes, you may have to make lists of things that you have to do, but avoid letting the 'omg I have my mum and my dad and my kids and my job and my course and I just can't cope' circular thoughts take over. Very best wishes and sympathy, and I hope you and your mum are able to be comfort to each other over the next few months.

Baby01032012

I very much appreciate the post looksee...some great wisdom there. I lost lot of sleep first couple of nights but realize I just need to be calm and deal with everything one at a time.

Social worker rang me yesterday and I’m meeting with her and the medical team tomorrow. Apparently my mum will be sent home under the care of the community palliative care team. She mentioned that is someone coming for hour in morning and half hour in evening just to help her up and back to bed. Just concerned she will be on her own all day. I plan to move in at least to be there overnight.