I have to end a long friendship but finding it hard

Highroad12

Set up a new a/c as didn't know how to go unreg!!

Anyway, my problem is that I need to end a long friendship in order for me to be able to move on and find my happiness.
We've been friends years and there was always something there between us and we got close but he is now married and I can't cope with him contacting me all the time.

I made it clear nothing can happen with us as he is married.....he often suggests things but I shut him down. I feel like he got married out of some sort of sense of duty but still wants to hang on to me too in a way. He contacts me all the time via text. I've put distances between us in the past but he always manages to get back in.

I know I'm not going to meet anybody while he is taking my energy so will have to just end the friendship as sad as that makes me feel. Just wondering if anybody has any advice.

BuboBubo

He just wants to have his cake and eat it. I don't know what you mean by "sense of duty" regarding his marraige. I'm sure his wife would be very hurt if this is his opinion.

Personally I would stop replying to his messages, if he wants to meet up tell him you're going elsewhere/plans he'll soon get the message. Just stay away from him.

If you don't take a big leap back from this, your head will be wrecked. It's not worth it.

Caranica

It's hard but my advice is cold turkey. It took me three years to do something similar and really only worked when I decided a total shut out was the only way.

In my case he wanted the best of both but I wasn't going to make up for what he was missing in his marriage.

ILoveYourVibes

He's not a friend op. He is a user.

AulWan

Delete his number, block him on social media, basically ghost him.

Its very questionable that he married someone out of a sense of duty, yet still suggests things to you.

Cut any ties, and free yourself to find someone just for you. It'll be hard at first, but after a few weeks, you'll feel better.

Dial Hard

Your post isn't very clear. Were you romantically/sexually involved or do you feel you simply can't be friends any more because he's married? You say he "suggests things" but that could mean anything from "Let's go for coffee" to "My wife is away, how you fixed?"

Also, presumably he didn't conduct his relationship and then get married in a vacuum. Why is it suddenly an issue?

Highroad12

Dial Hard wrote: »

Your post isn't very clear. Were you romantically/sexually involved or do you feel you simply can't be friends any more because he's married? You say he "suggests things" but that could mean anything from "Let's go for coffee" to "My wife is away, how you fixed?"

Also, presumably he didn't conduct his relationship and then get married in a vacuum. Why is it suddenly an issue?

Its suddenly as issue because he is starting to get into my head again where as before I was able to tell him to feck off when he was making suggestions etc. We have a history and I have had to ask him to stop contacting me in the past as he was getting too much. He always tries to turn the talk to sexy talk 7 times out of 10.

It's taken me quite a while to build my self up and get my confidence back so it's only really now I'm "strong" enough to see what I need to do for myself

wiggle16

Highroad12 wrote: »

Its suddenly as issue because he is starting to get into my head again where as before I was able to tell him to feck off when he was making suggestions etc. We have a history and I have had to ask him to stop contacting me in the past as he was getting too much. He always tries to turn the talk to sexy talk 7 times out of 10.

It's taken me quite a while to build my self up and get my confidence back so it's only really now I'm "strong" enough to see what I need to do for myself

He's not much of a friend if he doesn't respect your feelings enough to back off when you tell him to.

He's not much of a friend either if he was getting sexual with you in the first place. Especially when he knows you have feelings for him.
He doesn't see you as a friend. He sees you as a potentially easy lay because he knows you have feelings for him. It probably comes out when he's bored, is a bit hot and bothered and so contacts you to talk sexually to someone he knows is "safe". Sorry if that's blunt but that's the truth.

Caranica is right. Cold, cold turkey with this git.

Gerianam

OP, he did not get married out of a "sense of duty", he got married because he wanted to and he also wants to keep you dangling. Do not waste your precious life on this man. Walk away. He is not your friend.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

He's not being a good friend to you by ignoring the boundaries you set, by exploiting your feelings for him. That's not how you treat someone you respect, and respect has to be there for a friendship to exist. He might enjoy your company, and you do have a history, but he is not your friend.

It's always hard to call a stop to these relationships because you're battling against yourself. Unfortunately it looks like you're also going to be battling against him. You'll have to block him and yes, pretty much ghost him. If he's a heavy social media user, maybe take a break from that yourself, if possible. If you have a friend who'd give you a good bollocking for getting sucked back into his orbit, tell them you're cutting him off and why.

Read this thread back to yourself if you feel your resolve slipping too.