Life is a shambles

LegacyUser

Hi everyone.

I'm going unreg for this.

Basically my life has taken a turn for the worst. All started roughly 3 weeks ago.

I'm being accused along with 3 other colleagues of breaking rules in work. It's absolute nonscence in which I have proof and as a result will be getting legal advice.

However my bosses in work have removed me from certain projects until this investigation is over. As a result my working week is changing all the time. I'm being told what time to come in at most days and being given the worst shifts humanly possible. 12 our stints. Where as other colleagues on my team are getting lighter and nicer projects resulting in a 6 to 8 hour day.

My management cannot hide their anger at me. I get grunted a hello. I generally avoid at all costs.

The remaining 3 colleagues also being accused have gone sick. It's another colleague who is accusing us without a shred of evidence. It's utter slanderous and as I'm getting legal advice, I hope you can appreciate that I cannot get into details. I have not gone sick because I have done nothing wrong.

It has taken its toll on me. Not sleeping. The feeling of dread walking through the office doors. Pains in my arm. Shortness of breath. It seems to be somewhat of a panic attack.

My husband and I had a row at the weekend. I asked him to leave. He has been begging every night to come home and I have refused. He has an issue with drinking. Doesn't drink every night but when he does he binges and turns from the nicest man into someone who says such hateful things.

Our child is 3 and I don't want that environment. However we have holidays booked to go abroad. My husband says we need to sort before we go. I don't want to go and I do at the same time. Our child has talked about nothing else for the past while and I don't want to take it away.

I have work tomorrow. 3 more days left before my holidays. I feel physically sick at the thoughts of going in. I just feel like bursting into tears. Everything has gone to pot.

I'd love to ring sick but I fear it will look like I am guilty in work when as I said I did nothing wrong. But unfortunately I dunno if I can take anymore

antix80

Op.. Newsflash but you are actually sick to the point you could keel over.

Don't go in tomorrow. Get a cert. You'll feel a lot better tomorrow for it. I know you need the job but the fact is it might not be right for you. Put it out of your head until after the holiday.

Whatever you don't like about your husband's behaviour didn't happen overnight. You need to approach it carefully as people don't like being accused or criticised, and you're clearly not in the mood for an argument.

I'd say wait til the holiday's over, quietly observe him on hols and when you get back consider if it's something you need to bring up.

Counselling as always can be beneficial before making any emotional decisions.

LegacyUser

Well done for sticking up for yourself both in work and at home.
You do not ‘have’ to sort anything out before your holiday. Or after.
Go with your child by yourself ...if you bring your husband he will get drunk and upset you, you need support right now, and a break, not another drain on your resources.
His alcohol problem is not yours to ‘sort out’ only he can do that.
He wants to talk and go on holiday, you don’t ‘have ‘ to do anything only protect your child which you have done.

Follow legal advice regarding work, if solicitor advised you to stay in work,
Set your mind that you are going on holiday with your child and have to do three more days,
Once you’ve made your decisions draw a line under them and try to block out the noise,

Take your holiday and give yourself some space to think

Upforthematch

Hi Op,

This situation sounds awful and my heart goes out to you.

Would you consider doing whatever takes some of the burden off your shoulders. Here's a different suggestion to the poster above me though I think they have a good point....

If you go into work the next 3 days until your holidays you won't lose face. That sounds like that is important to you.

You don't need the pressure of going on a holiday when you're not going to enjoy it. Your husband sounds like he is pressuring you at a time you need support. Your child is 3. There will be plenty more holidays at a better time.

I suggest you use your holidays to do something positive especially for you and get the legal advice you are going to need.

Bump in road Op!!! When going through hell, keep on going!!

LegacyUser

Op here. Thanks for replies.

What I really want to do is tell everyone to F off. I have given 15 years so far to my job. By most part I enjoy it. Like most people it's my colleagues that make the job enjoyable. Managers on the other hand are the problem. I'm a manager myself in my current role.

I applied for a promotion. Sent in credentials and the very next day I received a call to tell me they would not be pursuing it any further. Yet I know I'm more than qualified for this position and someone younger gun will get it.

My family are amazing. My sister told me they unfortunately I'm stuck in a storm at sea and I need to try ride it until I get to calmer waters. They are fuming at my job and are saying it's intimidation and bullying at this point.

If I was to leave I have to start all over again. No place will offer salary like I am currently on but I know money is not everything. It's by no means a huge salary either but better than average.

My husband, look I dunno.. I love him massively but I don't know if he is willing to change and for that reason I don't want our child around that. I have already told him he can come to our house to see our child at any stage but as a marriage I don't think I want to risk his behaviour anymore.

Rubberchikken

whatever is going on at work needs to be dealt with.
personally i couldnt enjoy a holiday with a worry like that over my head.

it shouldnt be allowed to be dragged on and shoukd be sorted promptly.
also, i dont see how management is behaving professionally by treating you in such a shabby way as though you're guilty of something.

getting a sick cert from your gp is not admitting anything other than that you are feeling unwell.

if youve done nothing wrong, then youve honestly nothing to worry about.
it might sound simplistic but its the truth. you need to look aftet yourself for your sake and your familys sake.
take care

Bobtheman

I think the sooner you instigate legal action the better

lastusername

It may feel like it at times but your life is definitely not a shambles. You are strong, you have been successful in your job for 15 years, you've gotten married and are raising a kid really well by the sounds of it.

Be aware that the reactions to you in work are not caused by you, even though it may seem that way. I am not talking about you not having done anything wrong, but rather that the manager reactions are the result of their thinking, and you don't have to take this personally.

The situation will run its course and you will be shown to be vindicated, and even if not (for example if the investigation is flawed or biased whatever), then you'll know what to do regardless. You may realise a company that would treat you that way is not somewhere you want to work, and you'll move on to better things.

Realising you're strong and you are all good at your core is what is going to allow you to deal with both these situations gracefully. If you are on holidays and have some time away, allow yourself to take a deep breath to realise this.