Your Amusing Anecdote

Snotty

You are in a situation where you have to relay an interesting or amusing anecdote about yourself or some experience you have had, what would you say?


This was being discussed on the radio earlier and I couldn't think of one thing to say, my life is that boring.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

I usually resort to this one.

"We can't bust heads like we used to. But we have our ways. One trick is to tell stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for m'shoe. So I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. 'Gimme five bees for a quarter,' you'd say. Now where were we... oh yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. I didn't have any white onions, because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones..."
— Abraham 'Grandpa' Simpson,

Your Face

I just make something up like that time me and Captain America defeated the Nazis.

Ficheall

Amusing or unforgettably cringe-worthy? Whose perspective?

The chan chan man

We run the gas off the electricity and the electricity off the gas and we save two hundred pounds a year, but then a few weeks later ah god... I'll never forget it now, we got a new boiler...Because you know they have no morals and no respect for human life. But what they do have and no-one can deny this now, they have the finest collection of boilers in the world! And I include Canada in that!

Gregor Samsa

For light relief, I tell the story about the time I punched a dolphin. I did apologise to it, I hasten to add. It was an accident.

I also have a lot of somewhat disturbing stories about primary school, that I tell in a cheery voice.

ILoveYourVibes

Your a dote ! :P

Junkyard Tom

Went to buy binoculars and got completely ripped off.




They saw me coming.

Irish Guitarist

When I was about seven years old I pissed on my brothers stereo speakers. A couple of days later he came downstairs with the front panel of one of the speakers and said "did you spill orange or something on my speakers?" I said "no". He continued on his way to the kitchen to clean the speaker panel in the sink.

I think it's amusing anyway.

Deebles McBeebles

There was the time I danced with The Lizard King as the clouds enveloped us but I think that may have been LSD.

Stevieluvsye

David Brent : I'd like to make a complaint please

Rowan : Don't care

David Brent : Well I am staying at the hotel...

Rowan : Don't care, it's not my shift

David Brent : Well you're an ambassador for the hotel...

Rowan : I don't care

David Brent : I think you'll care when I tell you what the complaint is...

Rowan : I don't ca...

David Brent : I think there's been a rape up there.

David Brent : ...I got his attention. Get their attention.

Cee-Jay-Cee

I was born at a very young age to my parents who were married to each other since their wedding day. Anyway as I was saying my burning wish as a youngster was to be a postman with my own bike but as with all childhood aspirations and dreams, it never happened. My dear aul departed father used to say to me ‘you’ll never amount to much’ and he was right. He died three days before they buried him as was the custom at that time. I never did get my bike.

I've posted this before, but too good not to retell....

In the Centra at the corner of Moore St and Parnell St in (Dublin) town, queuing at the deli for a roll. Junkie-type bloke in front of me is next up but refuses being served by the black girl making the sambos. In fact, he insists that the white bloke who's restocking the lettuce etc. is the one that will serve him.

The poor black girl is a bit stunned and says, "What did you say?" He replies, "I said, i don't want you going NEAR me roll, i want him to make it". By this stage, most of the shop is deathly silent and staring over wondering whats gonna happen next, including the big black security guard.

The white bloke behind the counter notices that something is up, so turns and asks what the story is. The junkie says, "I want a ham and cheese roll, no butter, but i want you to make it. Not her". The deli-guy says "why?", and your man replies:

"Cos she's ****e at making rolls"!!!

bigar

My most recent one was when I wanted to visit a monument on the border area between Romania, Hungary and Serbia.

I drove there from Romania as that was the only accessible road. Near the monument I could not go any further due to an unexpected road barrier. From the information I found, the monument should be easily accessible. While I was trying to find another way on the map, I had knock on my window.

The house next to the barrier turned out to be a border control point. I tried to explain to the guard that I was looking to visit the monument. He asked if I have some ID and after showing it, he asked me to wait while he went back inside. While I was waiting, a jeep showed up with Hungarian number plates. A uniformed person steps out and asked me what I was doing there. I explained what I wanted to do and said I was waiting for his Romanian colleague to come back to me. He promptly showed up and after a short conversation, the Romanian guard told me I can visit but I have to wait a few minutes.

The wait, it turned out, was for a Serbian guard who soon showed up. OK, the Romanian said, we are good to go and all three jumped into my car. So there I was with three border patrol guards form different countries driving the two kilometers to the monument. When there, we get out and I can visit each side of the monument with the guard of the country that side of the monument is in. Each of them did not fail to mention that it was because of the other country that the monument can no longer be freely visited. I wanted to take some pictures but as this was a now a sensitive area, I was not allowed to.

So, after driving all three back to the Romanian border post, all I have is this anecdote as a souvenir.

kneemos

Gregor Samsa wrote: »

For light relief, I tell the story about the time I punched a dolphin. I did apologise to it, I hasten to add. It was an accident.

I also have a lot of somewhat disturbing stories about primary school, that I tell in a cheery voice.

Who did you apologise to?

buckwheat

https://images.app.goo.gl/Sp5umKZFPGbfGsyF9

Gregor Samsa

kneemos wrote: »

Who did you apologise to?

The dolphin, of course.

Gregor Samsa

Deleted User wrote: »

I've posted this before, but too good not to retell....

Nephew of mine grew up in a rural area in the west of Ireland. One day, when he was very young, he was with his Ma in a local village shop. A black man came into the shop, which would have been a very unusual occurrence in this time and place.

Nephew started staring at him. Mother gets a little embarrassed, and tries to distract him. He keeps stating, and starts pointing. Mother is getting quite embarrassed. He roars out "Mum! Mum! Look at that man!". Mother is mortified at this stage.

"He's got huge ears!"

Andreas77

Ever since age of twelve I have masturbated to vision of Amanda Woodward from Melrose Place. I often dreamed of living in Amanda’s large, detached, American home on an up-market boulevard with leafy cover in Spring and a loose smattering of leaves in Autumn. Basically I have lived life of unsuccessful musician and singer songwriter and she have provided for me financially. When she would come home from busy work day as boss and CEO of large corporate enterprise wearing blouse and skirt, I would be reclining on sofa chair with acoustic guitar plucking a few strings, and there would be smell of fine food from kitchen, and Amanda would be delighted to leave high-powered super-successful role of boss and CEO of large company, and just chill with me and have sex by candle light many times as light of the moon infiltrates the bedroom. Many times I had this fantasy involving cunnilingus, breast worship and passionate kissing.