Do opposites really attract?

Porklife

I wouldn’t consider myself to be the most conservative type (understatement) but I feel there’s only room for one wild card in any pack..

It can be quite contradictory, on the one hand great minds think alike and we’re drawn to people we can relate to, birds of a feather and all of that but on the other hand, I often see couples together who are nothing alike.
My sister and her boyfriend have nothing in common, in fact they hate each others taste in just about everything. She reads trashy magazines while he glares at her disapprovingly over the peak of his limited edition War and Peace.
She loves partying and hitting the town whereas he’d happily be tucked up in his leaba by 10pm. He thinks restaurants are a waste of money but she’d live in them if it were allowed.. any yet, they are mad about each other.

I don’t really get it because for me, I think the person I’m attracted to would have to like the same style of music and be into similar things. I want somebody with a mind of their own and their own opinions but I think I’d need some commonality to forge a relationship.

Conversely, reserved quiet type of guys don't seem to be attracted to me either. It's always more gregarious types (aka assholes!).

Are you drawn to people who you can see yourself in or does that very fact repel you? When you meet somebody who can really relate to because they’re of a similar ilk, does it make you more or less attracted to them?
Do you admire traits in somebody that you wish you had yourself or do you admire traits in someone that you can also see in yourself?

ohnonotgmail

Paula Abdul would never lie so opposites do, indeed, attract.

Umiq88

Good girls love bad boys and the Irish love complaining.

If you both like the same stuff what are you going to give out about.

BrokenArrows

Opposites attract if they are both open to discovering new stuff that the other person likes or wants to do.

My wife and I are pretty different, but she drags me to opera, ballet, theater, classical music shows. I enjoy going now, but I'm still not going to be "into" it in the way she is.

She has tried out sports, movies and music that I'd be into and has enjoyed them too.

Wibbs

I prefer some deep down commonality, things like emotional expressiveness, similar intelligence and the like, but prefer overall differences. I get bored pretty quickly with someone with the same tastes, background and opinions as me.

Porklife wrote: »

Conversely, reserved quiet type of guys don't seem to be attracted to me either. It's always more gregarious types (aka assholes!).

Is this some all too usual thing among some self described introverts that there's something automatically wrong with being a gregarious person which immediately makes them arseholes? God forbid someone be social.

I have found that common ground is more important than differences, for a relationship to endure long-term.

Church on Tuesday

In my experience? no. There has to be some kind of common ground for things to really click for me. A perceived as good looking woman is fine but if she doesn't have similar interests (have found this to be the case with online dating) its not realistically going to work and conversation will go nowhere.

Ditto if political or social outlooks are too far apart.

razorblunt

My wife is gorgeous.

So yes, yes they do.

Mangofrozo

Wibbs wrote: »

I prefer some deep down commonality, things like emotional expressiveness, similar intelligence and the like, but prefer overall differences. I get bored pretty quickly with someone with the same tastes, background and opinions as me.

Is this some all too usual thing among some self described introverts that there's something automatically wrong with being a gregarious person which immediately makes them arseholes? God forbid someone be social.

I think deep down they harbour resentment that others can express themselves uninhibitedly and they can't.

jimgoose

This having-things-in-common business is vastly overrated. Boring.

completedit

Nah more often than not, couples will be the same, the good girl bad boy trope is so played out.

Also introverts can be ***** too, they’re just not as likely to show it straight away like a gregarious sort.

loalae

I think I'd find it important that my partner has similar values as I do but very different personalities can work well if they complement each other.

Riskymove

well, as can be seen from the responses a key question is "opposite in what way?"

looks?
personality?
values?
interests?
income?

two people opposite on all these and other matters would unlikely, imo, be compatible

greencap

Yes boss.

The missus is a neurosurgeon and i sell cut price generators.

Porklife

Wibbs wrote: »

I prefer some deep down commonality, things like emotional expressiveness, similar intelligence and the like, but prefer overall differences. I get bored pretty quickly with someone with the same tastes, background and opinions as me.

Is this some all too usual thing among some self described introverts that there's something automatically wrong with being a gregarious person which immediately makes them arseholes? God forbid someone be social.

I don't mean that gregarious people are automatically arseholes, sorry if it came across that way. I just mean it's usually only loud, arrogant types of guys who hit on me. I don't seem to attract the sweeter guys.

Salthillprom

I've always been attracted to people with intelligent minds who are into the same things as me - not necessarily the exact same things but along the same lines.

I love travel, reading, learning new things. So does my better half.

However, we are also opposites. For example, my hubby loves soccer and follows the leagues and championships etc. across the globe and I can't abide soccer. We compromise when it's on TV and I'll read a book or something. Then he compromises at other times for things I like.

But in general we like a lot of the same things, have the same views on things etc.

I also think couples who end up together are similar in 'hotness' or attractiveness levels. Not always but in general. You'll usually have a 5/10 with a 5/10 or an 8/10 woman with an 8/10 guy etc.

So while opposites possibly attract, I'd imagine it's a short lived thing. Unions that last would have people who are more alike than opposite.

Church on Tuesday

Porklife wrote: »

I don't mean that gregarious people are automatically arseholes, sorry if it came across that way. I just mean it's usually only loud, arrogant types of guys who hit on me. I don't seem to attract the sweeter guys.[/QUOTE]

Not being smart or anything but do you really want to or are you actually attracted to the 'sweeter' quiet guys?

If you do, then just rock up to them and get the conversation going!

I personally think we have a sub conscious list of preferences and we tend to stick to those preferences or personality traits we find most attractive regardless.

Porklife

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

Porklife wrote: »

I don't mean that gregarious people are automatically arseholes, sorry if it came across that way. I just mean it's usually only loud, arrogant types of guys who hit on me. I don't seem to attract the sweeter guys.[/QUOTE]

Not being smart or anything but do you really want to or are you actually attracted to the 'sweeter' quiet guys?

If you do, then just rock up to them and get the conversation going!

I personally think we have a sub conscious list of preferences and we tend to stick to those preferences or personality traits we find most attractive regardless.

When I was younger I used to always want the 'bad boy' but I've since grown out of that. Now, I'm attracted to intelligence, kindness and most of all sense of humour. If someone can make me really laugh I inevitably end up falling for them. Looks matter so much less to me these days. I'd chose Ricky Gervais over Johnny 6 pack any day!

Deebles McBeebles

I'm known locally as 'Johnny 6 pack'. Alcoholism, you see.

Butterface

I would say it's important to share common values and outlook on life, and similar ambitions and plans for the future.

And then it's nice to be with somebody completely different personality-wise and interests-wise.

My wife has a really outgoing, fun-loving personality. So when I'm out with her, I am far more outgoing than I normally would be if I was out by myself.

Interests-wise, we share some similar interests in TV shows or movies (not music unfortunately ), but we compromise a lot when it comes to holidays and interior decoration..

freshpopcorn

I have never really connected with people I'd consider opposite be it friends, relationships, family or even on this site.

Cee-Jay-Cee

Myself and my wife are very very different in fact I cant think of anything we have in common apart from our kids/house and that kind of stuff. We have been married for 11 years and she regularly comments 'how the hell did we end up together???' However we have a brilliant relationship and I wouldn't want anyone else for love nor money.

H8GHOTI

Porklife wrote: »

Are you drawn to people who you can see yourself in?

This is the only reason I was attracted to my girlfriend.

dubstepper

I think that this can sometimes be explained by people being attracted to things they think they are missing in themselves i.e. if you feel you are too shy you might be attracted to an outgoing person.

Balanadan

Deleted User wrote: »

I have found that common ground is more important than differences, for a relationship to endure long-term.

Great advice m8

whiskeyman

Common values would be essential I'd think.
Belief's can differ in most cases.
All else can be totally different and yet still be a good bond.

I always find it funny that so many dating sites / filters and those on them try and see common bonds like music, books, places you've been too. That's all bullcrap in my opinion and really doesn't ensure a better 'fit' for a relationship.
Many people could be closing themselves off from someone who is so right for them.

Rufeo

Not in terms of religion anyway.

Anus Von Skidmark

greencap wrote: »

Yes boss.

The missus is a neurosurgeon and i sell cut price generators.

Ah, I see you're a man of culture as well.

whiskeyman

Rufeo wrote: »

Not in terms of religion anyway.

Not true.
Many cases where it does work.
It's all about respect and acceptance.

Porklife

Cee-Jay-Cee wrote: »

Myself and my wife are very very different in fact I cant think of anything we have in common apart from our kids/house and that kind of stuff. We have been married for 11 years and she regularly comments 'how the hell did we end up together???' However we have a brilliant relationship and I wouldn't want anyone else for love nor money.

Aw ya big cutie

Quantum Erasure

Rufeo wrote: »

Not in terms of religion anyway.

but it is the case in science