ex moving away

LegacyUser

I broke it off with my ex 5 months ago. While I think she was upset, it was amicable and we didn't part on particularly bad terms. She mentioned at the time she was thinking of moving to canada before the end of the year and I had said to her to let me know before she goes so we can catch up properly over a coffee. She said she would. Shes a lovely girl who was also my friend for a long time and i would like to say goodbye before she goes so far away.

I've been mad busy the last month or two with work and family commitments. She reached out to me a month or so ago by text asking how i was, i briefly messaged her back but didnt get into much conversation at the time and it fizzled out after a few texts each end. Other than that exchange, we havent spoken since the break up.

Anyway, i heard from a mutual friend that she's heading off in matter of weeks. I would like to see her before she goes, in a purely friendly capacity over a coffee. I don't know if this is selfish on my part looking for closure, and if its bad after i didn't really chat to her properly when she last text me. is it too invasive if i text her and ask myself if shes around? or should i leave ball in her court. thanks.

Anna2834

Leave her be, sure you are the one who broke it off with her....why do you need closure? What's this "closure" thing all about?

Xterminator

Do you think it will be beneficial to you both, or would it just be for your benefit? do you ge tthe sense she is struggling to get over the breakup?

if you genuinely think it would help you both, text her, and leave the decision to her. She is an adult and able to make decisions in her best interest.

Just take a moment to consider her too.

Ursus Horribilis

What you could do is text her and say you've heard she's moving away. See how it goes from there, based on what she replies. She might not be up for seeing you before she leaves. There's a possibility that one reason why she's moving is to get away from memories of your relationship. You haven't been in touch with her so you don't know how she feels about you now. The person who ends a relationship is the one who has already checked out and moved on in their mind. She had to do all that processing after the event. The question also arises as to whose benefit this coffee would be. What are your motives here?

SusieBlue

Text her and say you heard she's leaving soon, and wish her the best of luck on her travels. If she wants to see you before she leaves, she'll suggest it. If she doesn't mention it, I would take it that she isn't interested. Respect it and let her move on.

As the one who got dumped, she has more to risk and lose by meeting up than you do.

zapper55

It is selfish. Leave her go without meeting her. You broke up with her. Meeting her will only mess with her mind. Fair play to her having the guts to move to Canada. What if meeting you makes her doubt that?

beertons

Leave her be and move on.

elfy4eva

Sorry OP but to me this is definitely a case of leave well enough alone, It's great that you were able to part on amicable terms but I would think it's not in either of your interests to be having coffee meets etc. Particularly when you've mentioned it casually already and she didn't take you up on it, it doesn't seem right to pursue it.

Scarinae

I moved to Canada earlier this year, and the weeks before I left were insanely busy - between packing what I would need immediately, organising and packing boxes to ship stuff I couldn't carry myself, carting the rest of my stuff to charity shops, finding someone to replace me in my flatshare, dealing with the landlord and trying to get my deposit back, cancelling bills and memberships, sorting out other bits for Canada like health insurance, finishing up at my job etc. Then there was also visiting extended family members and spending time with my friends who I knew I wouldn't see as often once I moved.

She may be willing to see you before she leaves, but bear in mind she will have a lot on her plate right now so making time for an ex may not be a priority for her. She may only be able to come back from Canada once or twice a year so there will be a lot of other people she wants to spend time with who are more important to her than you.

Kidchameleon

You heard she is moving from a third party and it has hurt your ego. Thats all that concerns you isnt it? Leave her be, she is your ex, you should not be in contact with her at all.

antix80

Let her leave.
The coffee will go well, she'll go abroad, and after a while she might end up doubting her decision to go abroad. Often it's a parent guilting her with too many phonecalls.. But you don't need to be the siren song to convince her she's better off here.
She's moved on so don't ruin it for her. If you need closure, see a shrink.

banoffe2

Why do you want to meet your ex before she leaves

splinter65

You want to meet her to make certain to yourself that it was the best move for you to break up with her.
The selfishness here is breathtaking, hidden behind a flimsy facade of “I just want to wish her well as a friend”.
Leave her alone.