Should I persue him or leave him?

MaryMak39

There’s a guy I really fancy and like at work. We are generally very smiley and chatty with each other. The other day we met in the corridor (we work in different departments) and he heard my dad was in hospital and asked me to go for coffee so we did and he bought it for me. We chatted for about 40 mins and he was asking me things like what I do at weekends etc. Then before he left he asked for my Snapchat name so I took the opportunity of giving him my number and took his also.

I sent him a message on snap chat that evening to thank him for the coffee and it would be my shout next time. He said hopefully soon and I told him to let me know when he was free he said he would. I seen him at work yesterday and today and he was completely normal like nothing happened just asked about dad. I thought he made a move when he asked for my Snapchat name but now don’t know whether I should leave the things on him or persue. Now I think maybe he just felt sorry for me hearing about dad. What should I do?

Passenger

Suggest to him that you buy that coffee you owe him over the weekend. If he's interested he'll oblige, if not, he wont.

MaryMak39

Does he sound interested?

leggo

I think you’re overthinking and he seems interested. You left it at “I’ll take you for coffee next time”, he was hardly going to say “So are you gonna buy me that coffee or what?” So just suggest it, don’t worry about seeming interested as it seems like it’s all systems go there if he’s asking for your Snapchat.

MaryMak39

I would ask him but I’m afraid of rejection especially at work and when I’m not sure is he is interested romantically or just out of sympathy

Passenger

MaryMak39 wrote: »

I would ask him but I’m afraid of rejection especially at work and when I’m not sure is he is interested romantically or just out of sympathy

Then forget about him and move on.

leggo

MaryMak39 wrote: »

I would ask him but I’m afraid of rejection especially at work and when I’m not sure is he is interested romantically or just out of sympathy

That’s dating though, everyone is afraid of rejection. But you power through it when you like someone, especially when you’ve got the go-ahead. That’s why he tip-toed by making conversation, asking you for coffee, asking for your Snapchat: he’s given you the greenlight that he’s interested. You have to give it back at some stage and meet him halfway or he will actually lose interest.

Xterminator

MaryMak39 wrote: »

I would ask him but I’m afraid of rejection especially at work and when I’m not sure is he is interested romantically or just out of sympathy

there's a good chance he is thinking exactly the same thing.

Listen he took a risk asking you out for a coffee. Now you should do the same. After all if he said no to a coffee it would hardly make the gossip train.

ManOfMystery

MaryMak39 wrote: »

I would ask him but I’m afraid of rejection especially at work and when I’m not sure is he is interested romantically or just out of sympathy

All the signs are positive.

As has been said already, that's the risk of dating. If you consciously avoid every chance of asking someone out for fear of rejection, you'll never date anyone.

The secret is to really not get too invested in things or overthink it at this stage. No-one is declaring undying love or suggesting marriage - it's just a coffee. Ask him for one and be prepared to shrug off any disappointment if you don't get the result you want.

He's already made it clear that he likes you so you're not going into this completely blind. If he likes you as a potential partner then that's great but even if he's only interested in friendship you've still gained a good friend by the sounds of it.

ElizaBennett

You should ask him for the coffee but it doesn't have to be immediately. Chill a bit and ask him on Monday next or whenever feels organic.

Gerianam

MaryMak39 wrote: »

I would ask him but I’m afraid of rejection especially at work and when I’m not sure is he is interested romantically or just out of sympathy

I very much doubt that it is just out of sympathy. He could simply have said as any one would; "Sorry to hear about your Dad, MaryMak - Hope he makes a speedy recovery". To me, he sounds interested.:)

Arghus

You should take the plunge. You won't lose anything and you could gain a lot.

MaryMak39

So yesterday I message him and asked him was he busy during my lunch hour as I was going to ask him to meet. It didn’t work out but I told him earlier that day I was going to be off for two weeks and he asked me what my plans were and said he’d miss me. Later on that evening I asked what he was doing this weekend he said maybe shopping. I asked him if he wanted company and he said why not so I asked him what day was he thinking he said maybe Sunday and I asked him to me know if he wanted to go Sunday.

I don’t want to come on too strong but his messages are very vague so I’m not sure if im being pushy or if he’s trying to give me a subtle hint

Lady Haywire

MaryMak39 wrote: »

So yesterday I message him and asked him was he busy during my lunch hour as I was going to ask him to meet. It didn’t work out but I told him earlier that day I was going to be off for two weeks and he asked me what my plans were and said he’d miss me. Later on that evening I asked what he was doing this weekend he said maybe shopping. I asked him if he wanted company and he said why not so I asked him what day was he thinking he said maybe Sunday and I asked him to me know if he wanted to go Sunday.

I don’t want to come on too strong but his messages are very vague so I’m not sure if im being pushy or if he’s trying to give me a subtle hint

Open your eyes lass, he clearly likes you! You don't say that to any old co-worker.
Don't be too vague, that would annoy the hell out of me, maybe this & maybe that. Tell him you've a few bits to shop for too & if he'd like some company you'd love to join him & can have lunch during the day.

nthclare

MaryMak39 wrote: »

So yesterday I message him and asked him was he busy during my lunch hour as I was going to ask him to meet. It didn’t work out but I told him earlier that day I was going to be off for two weeks and he asked me what my plans were and said he’d miss me. Later on that evening I asked what he was doing this weekend he said maybe shopping. I asked him if he wanted company and he said why not so I asked him what day was he thinking he said maybe Sunday and I asked him to me know if he wanted to go Sunday.

I don’t want to come on too strong but his messages are very vague so I’m not sure if im being pushy or if he’s trying to give me a subtle hint

He's just a man.
He's not over bearing and doesn't sound like a player.
He's been upfront and honest, not making a big deal out of the situation.
He sounds fairly level headed.
It would be worse if he was a white knight and overly intense.

Just go with it, you've nothing to loose.

From your description he's emotionally intelligent and has empathy so he's worth meeting up for that coffee.

MaryMak39

But I’ve asked him if he wanted company shopping he said why not then when I suggested a day he said maybe Sunday. If he really wanted to meet would he not have made arrangements?

leggo

“Want to go for a coffee?” = I’m interested.
“Can I get your Snapchat?” = I’m interested and wouldn’t say no to nudes if it goes that way.
“I’ll miss you.” = I’m interested.
“Yeah sure why not” = I’m interested.

You’re good to go OP!

Lady Haywire

MaryMak39 wrote: »

But I’ve asked him if he wanted company shopping he said why not then when I suggested a day he said maybe Sunday. If he really wanted to meet would he not have made arrangements?

What did you reply when he said maybe Sunday? Did you say that it sounded good & ask where you'd go shopping?
If i'm looking to meet up with someone I'd say maybe X or Y, giving them a choice to decide which day in case they're busy on one of them.

miamee

MaryMak39 wrote: »

But I’ve asked him if he wanted company shopping he said why not then when I suggested a day he said maybe Sunday. If he really wanted to meet would he not have made arrangements?

It's most likely that he he only said maybe Sunday in case you are busy on Sunday and can't go that day so he's open to changing his mind if it doesn't suit you. It sounds like he is into you and wants to spend time with you so tell when and where you'll meet him and go from there And have fun!

zapper55

Yeah it sounds like he's being cautious in case it's not really a date. He sounds interested. Meet him and see how it goes. Maybe he's a bit shy.

MaryMak39

Lady Haywire wrote: »

What did you reply when he said maybe Sunday? Did you say that it sounded good & ask where you'd go shopping?
If i'm looking to meet up with someone I'd say maybe X or Y, giving them a choice to decide which day in case they're busy on one of them.

I asked him already where he planned on going.
I initially said Saturday and he replied maybe Sunday so I responded ok let me know if you want to go Sunday then and he said ok

MaryMak39

MaryMak39 wrote: »

I asked him already where he planned on going.
I initially said Saturday and he replied maybe Sunday so I responded ok let me know if you want to go Sunday then and he said ok

If he doesn’t get back to me I was going to send him a casual message tomorrow evening to see is he up for it, would that be too clingy or should I just leave him to come to me?

Passenger

MaryMak39 wrote: »

If he doesn’t get back to me I was going to send him a casual message tomorrow evening to see is he up for it, would that be too clingy or should I just leave him to come to me?

Message him, yes.

MaryMak39

Would it not look clingy or desperate though since I already asked him to let me know?

miamee

Don't message to ask is he up for it - he already told you he is - message to ask can you arrange a time and place to meet. How is that clingy or desperate, it's not like he said no and you're asking him again.

Larbre34

MaryMak39 wrote: »

If he doesn’t get back to me I was going to send him a casual message tomorrow evening to see is he up for it, would that be too clingy or should I just leave him to come to me?

Leave him to respond . You've done your bit. As, a bloke, if I wanted it I'd be making the running to fix the meet.

I wouldn't go so far as to call it clingy or desperate if you did message him, but as I say you've done your bit.

MaryMak39

miamee wrote: »

Don't message to ask is he up for it - he already told you he is - message to ask can you arrange a time and place to meet. How is that clingy or desperate, it's not like he said no and you're asking him again.

I was going to say something casual like ‘xyz tomorrow at 1?’ Then he’ll either say yes or no ?

Lady Haywire

I posted in the wrong there there first

Yes, i'd do that. Judging by how he sounds, it should go ok, I'll be surprised if he declines.

tara73

people are very positive here, which is good. I just would like to say everything is possible at this stage, we can't tell you what his motives are, you can only find out by meeting him, or not if he declines but then you have your answer too.

I think you desperatly want to know now by his reactions via virtual chat if he wants a relationship or not. As said, it's not possible to say. He could be up for just a casual encounter(sex), he could be just looking for a friend, it could be anything even more weird.
I made some experiences in live, just my two cent, relax and don't try to interprete every word he says(write) in whichever direction. Do what you want to do and don't care what he might be thinking. That way you find out the quickest about his motives and if you are a fit.

MaryMak39

So he never got back to me guys so guess he just brushed me off. At least I have my answer

fineso.mom

I wouldn't write him off just yet. Remember he asked you to go for coffee and ye chatted for 40 mins. He asked you for your snapchat, asked after your dad. Its Saturday,busy day for lots of people,maybe hes visiting family,helping out a friend,playing a match. I'd send a quick text ..."heh John I have to go to town for some shopping tomorrow,if you are still going to Jervis st, I could meet you outside at 1. If not,no prob I'll see you Monday ".
It's not a big deal OP, you haven't declared your undying love,you are just checking with a work acquaintance if they are still up for a suggested plan. Because that's all he is right now,a nice work acquaintance . If you take it handy, dont overanalyse every interaction and just be yourself,it may develop into more.

tara73

I also would send him one last text, just asking him if he wants to meet tomorrow. So you've done everything you can to not have regrets later.

see where it goes, if he's avoidant and delaying a meeting again, you have your answer.

ILoveYourVibes

Let things progress naturally whatever way they do.