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I want to start a new religion. But where do I start?

  • 27-08-2019 11:35am
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 13 ✭✭✭ Dampnut Drol


    Kindly help out a wannabe prophet.
    Tagged:


Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 512 ✭✭✭ pawdee


    Count me in.


  • Registered Users Posts: 7,494 ✭✭✭ BrokenArrows


    You need to start with the basis of the religion. What do you worship.


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,816 ✭✭✭ c.p.w.g.w
    Registered User


    You need to start with the basis of the religion. What do you worship.

    "That Pussy"


  • Registered Users Posts: 13 ✭✭✭ Dampnut Drol


    Wait what I have to worship something? I was more thinking along the lines of having myself worshiped. Burnt offerings and the likes. Not too burnt though. Maybe a nice caramelisation.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,795 ✭✭✭ Mrcaramelchoc


    Don't you think there are enough religions?


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  • Registered Users Posts: 13 ✭✭✭ Dampnut Drol


    Don't you think there are enough religions?

    Oh quite. Too many even. But the others are all wrong.


  • Registered Users Posts: 12,027 ✭✭✭✭ Hello 2D Person Below
    Registered User


    The Middle East.


  • Registered Users Posts: 14,874 ✭✭✭✭ banie01
    Registered User


    Kindly help out a wannabe prophet.

    Ride a virgin, convince her husband that it was an immaculate conception and then avoid DNA testing on bread or wine you subsequently bake.

    Or...
    Supply WiFi via trees and proclaim it your sacred gift to the world

    Most importantly, create a USP that makes your nutjob belie.f system attractive.


  • Registered Users Posts: 13 ✭✭✭ Dampnut Drol


    banie01 wrote: »
    Supply WiFi via trees and proclaim it your sacred gift to the world

    A cunning plan. A direct connection to God. I like.


  • Registered Users Posts: 13 ✭✭✭ Dampnut Drol


    But wait what's a God? I'm getting ahead of myself here.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 13 ✭✭✭ Dampnut Drol


    I'm too lazy to write a Holy Book. :(


  • Registered Users Posts: 6,836 ✭✭✭ realdanbreen


    Have you set up PayPal yet, I wish to sign up and make a donation. How much do I owe you?


  • Registered Users Posts: 14,874 ✭✭✭✭ banie01
    Registered User


    A cunning plan. A direct connection to God. I like.

    Not god...
    A Sysadmin on a hidden subnet!


  • Registered Users Posts: 13 ✭✭✭ Dampnut Drol


    Have you set up PayPal yet, I wish to sign up and make a donation. How much do I owe you?

    Let's start with a good old tithing. We can up the percentage later.


  • Registered Users Posts: 13 ✭✭✭ Dampnut Drol


    I do expect all contributions in the form of roast pigeons.


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,052 ✭✭✭ xieann


    OP, Consider a number of levels for the any aspiring 'disciples', from Level 1 .....to Level 20

    Write up the principles of each level, well, actually write up to 5 levels.

    Design a course. This could cost around €2000. Now, never say what the pass mark is.

    Nearly forgot to say, design a device some sort of ".....meter"


  • Registered Users Posts: 13 ✭✭✭ Dampnut Drol


    xieann wrote: »
    OP, Consider a number of levels for the any aspiring 'disciples', from Level 1 .....to Level 20

    Write up the principles of each level, well, actually write up to 5 levels.

    Design a course. This could cost around €2000. Now, never say what the pass mark is.

    Nearly forgot to say, design a device some sort of ".....meter"

    Wait... it's coming to me... wait...... how about .... VOLCANOES?


  • Registered Users Posts: 13 ✭✭✭ Dampnut Drol


    Pigeons roasted over volcanoes

    yum


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,052 ✭✭✭ xieann


    ....."Fools jump in where angels fear to tread"

    Clearly you have a lot of "research" still to do, is'nt that right?


  • Registered Users Posts: 10,300 ✭✭✭✭ gerrybbadd


    Don't forget a good catchy chant.

    HAve you considered your Symbol? The cross is gone, unfortunately.

    I hear the Swastica hasn't been used in a good few years. Symbol of good fortune etc. Sure what could go wrong?


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  • Registered Users Posts: 13 ✭✭✭ Dampnut Drol


    gerrybbadd wrote: »
    I hear the Swastica hasn't been used in a good few years. Symbol of good fortune etc. Sure what could go wrong?

    Nah the Hindoos already laid claim to that one. The nazzies only borrowed it. Without asking, I might add.


  • Registered Users Posts: 37,828 ✭✭✭✭ ohnonotgmail


    you need to offer people something. like the christians offer eternal salvation. Something that is impossible to verify.


  • Registered Users Posts: 10,506 ✭✭✭✭ Igotadose
    Registered User


    Kibo


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,447 Mod ✭✭✭✭ smacl


    gerrybbadd wrote: »
    Have you considered your Symbol? The cross is gone, unfortunately.

    Think the answer to that one may be subtly hidden in a previous post. I'm all for symbolism and see it as a great boon for increased church attendances.


  • Registered Users Posts: 13 ✭✭✭ Dampnut Drol


    The Symbol will be the Golden Banana. Not a drawing of a Golden Banana. An actual Golden Banana measuring at least 2 meters in length. And it shall be stored in my Mansion. I will, of course, need a mansion. And a private jet. As a token gesture to modesty, however, I shall walk around in a loin cloth.


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,052 ✭✭✭ xieann


    DUDE.
    You forgot -

    The PLACE OF PENANCE for "confessed sinners". You know, like Lough Derg / The Hole / The wailing Wall....

    Hint: Do a Volcano. Think like Space Mountain in Walt Disney. Only miserable - there ya go.


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,447 Mod ✭✭✭✭ smacl


    xieann wrote: »
    DUDE.
    You forgot -

    The PLACE OF PENANCE for "confessed sinners". You know, like Lough Derg / The Hole / The wailing Wall....

    Hint: Do a Volcano. Think like Space Mountain in Walt Disney. Only miserable - there ya go.

    Hmmm, something more tortuous than climbing Craogh Patrick barefoot in a hailstorm yet equally more miserable than muttering hail Mary's on the banks of Lough Derg. A couple of laps of IKEA with the family during a sale maybe? To be done by the more serious transgressors with a stinking hangover.


  • Registered Users Posts: 13 ✭✭✭ Dampnut Drol


    smacl wrote: »
    Hmmm, something more tortuous than climbing Craogh Patrick barefoot in a hailstorm yet equally more miserable than muttering hail Mary's on the banks of Lough Derg.

    A weekend with Daniel O'Donnell?


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,052 ✭✭✭ xieann


    You're all set OP. Off with ye to facebewk. When the page is set up, ring Joe Duffy show. / Unfollow thread!


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