Hmmm...I don’t know about this.

Cee-Jay-Cee

https://www.independent.ie/irish-news/news/our-world-has-been-shattered-into-a-million-pieces-woman-whose-husband-took-own-life-urges-people-to-seek-help-38427840.html

‘Our world has been shattered into a million pieces' - woman whose husband took own life urges people to seek help’

I started reading this article thinking ‘the poor woman, isn’t depression such a horrible thing’ but as I read on I started to realise that this wasn’t about depression. It was about a man who was seriously ill with an aggressive disease who was wasting away and didn’t want live anymore. It was a release from constant pain and suffering.

She said in her interview ‘We were so happy. We were about a month from moving in (to their new home)’

No you weren’t, your husband was in pain 24 hrs a day, crying and frightened. He wasn’t happy.

She hints at him being selfish leaving her to cope on her own and that he should have reached out to speak to someone. Unfortunately in this poor mans case talking to some one wouldn’t have been worth a curse. I think she is the selfish one. Would she rather he lived on in pain everyday, getting sicker and weaker till his body completely shuts down and he can no longer do anything for himself?? Is it selfish that he didn’t want to live with that prospect? Should she not be somewhat happy that the person she says she loves is no longer suffering and in constant pain.

Normally i would always donate a few quid in cases like this but not this time as I think she’s wholly wrong for putting the poor me spin on a story of someone else suffering.

It must be very difficult to look upon the suicide of a loved one as something which frees that person from pain. In grief our rational selves can get lost. I would be slow to judge this woman.

jimbobaloobob

Louis Theroux did an interesting documentary on this topic might be available on more4 or YouTube. It certainly lets you see that it's a difficult situation for all involved.

17larsson

Obviously the younger and physically healthier you are the sadder a suicide is but in cases like this I tend to think if this is what they want then who are we to deny them. Let them be at peace

Cee-Jay-Cee

[Deleted User] wrote: »

It must be very difficult to look upon the suicide of a loved one as something which frees that person from pain. In grief our rational selves can get lost. I would be slow to judge this woman.

I absolutely can understand this woman’s grief, she has lost her husband and the children their father but I don’t like her story. Sure, tell about how devastating it is for her and how lonely she is and will be for a long time but she’s blaming him for not speaking to someone when she knows speaking to someone would have been absolutely useless in this case.

She said there are always options, maybe in many other cases but the only other option in this case was for him to continue in pain 24hrs a day as his body wasted away. She said herself it was nerve pain and therefore medication didn’t work so she wanted him to suffer for her sake and happiness.

Suicide, regardless of the reasons will break families but I think if this were my family and the person was my wife, I wouldn’t be bitter towards them, I would be devastated and broken but I would be happy my wife didn’t have to suffer in physical pain any longer.

Cee-Jay-Cee

Cee-Jay-Cee wrote: »

I absolutely can understand this woman’s grief, she has lost her husband and the children their father but I don’t like her story. Sure, tell about how devastating it is for her and how lonely she is and will be for a long time but she’s blaming him for not speaking to someone when she knows speaking to someone would have been absolutely useless in this case.

She said there are always options, maybe in many other cases but the only other option in this case was for him to continue in pain 24hrs a day as his body wasted away. She said herself it was nerve pain and therefore medication didn’t work so she wanted him to suffer for her sake and happiness.

Suicide, regardless of the reasons will break families but I think if this were my family and the person was my wife, I wouldn’t be bitter towards them, I would be devastated and broken but I would be happy my wife didn’t have to suffer in physical pain any longer.

Yes I can see all of that and like you would want the person I love to be free from pain. If I were in the situation? Well I couldn't tell you how I would react. It seems all "me me" because right now that's her reality. There is probably a lot of anger and denial present. I think it's far too complex a topic to judge.

Sardonicat

Cee-Jay-Cee wrote: »

I absolutely can understand this woman’s grief, she has lost her husband and the children their father but I don’t like her story. Sure, tell about how devastating it is for her and how lonely she is and will be for a long time but she’s blaming him for not speaking to someone when she knows speaking to someone would have been absolutely useless in this case.

She said there are always options, maybe in many other cases but the only other option in this case was for him to continue in pain 24hrs a day as his body wasted away. She said herself it was nerve pain and therefore medication didn’t work so she wanted him to suffer for her sake and happiness.

Suicide, regardless of the reasons will break families but I think if this were my family and the person was my wife, I wouldn’t be bitter towards them, I would be devastated and broken but I would be happy my wife didn’t have to suffer in physical pain any longer.

Persepoly put it beautifully. We can become unrecognisable to ourselves in grief. Even when someone dies suddenly from natural causes or an accident, it's not uncommon to feel anger at the deceased at times. Even when we know it's coming and thought it would be for the best to end suffering, the pain of separation and loss can be so extreme it can only be channelled in segments, via the conduit of anger, sadness or even relief, because those feelings won't drown you .

In a day, a week, a month this poor woman will probably be overwhelmed with another feeling, Only for it to change again and again. And then there's the numbness.

We never know how were going to react when a loved one dies. When someone dies suddenly the shock can flatten you. When someone dies by suicide all bets are off. Please withhold your judgement from a grieving woman. You don't know how you'd react in a similar situation. None of us do. The only thing I know from experiencing loss is that I don't know how the next one will effect me.

Irish Guitarist

I don't blame him for ending his life and I don't blame her her for how she feels. I think the Independent shouldn't have published the article though. She might regret the words she chose someday. As I said I don't blame her though and I gave her a very small amount of money.

One eyed Jack

Cee-Jay-Cee wrote: »

She said in her interview ‘We were so happy. We were about a month from moving in (to their new home)’

No you weren’t, your husband was in pain 24 hrs a day, crying and frightened. He wasn’t happy.

I think you’re taking a very simplistic view tbh. It would be just as true for her to say they were happy, while it’s also true to say that he was in constant pain. It’s a very black and white thinking to suggest only one or the other could be possible.

Cee-Jay-Cee wrote: »

She hints at him being selfish leaving her to cope on her own and that he should have reached out to speak to someone. Unfortunately in this poor mans case talking to some one wouldn’t have been worth a curse. I think she is the selfish one. Would she rather he lived on in pain everyday, getting sicker and weaker till his body completely shuts down and he can no longer do anything for himself?? Is it selfish that he didn’t want to live with that prospect? Should she not be somewhat happy that the person she says she loves is no longer suffering and in constant pain.

Normally i would always donate a few quid in cases like this but not this time as I think she’s wholly wrong for putting the poor me spin on a story of someone else suffering.

I don’t agree that she hints at him being selfish. She’s quite clear in saying that suicide is not the answer. Again it’s not the same thing as saying he was selfish and I don’t read that article as blaming her husband for having taken his own life. She’s making the point that he was happy and had so much to live for. I have no doubt she was acutely aware of the severity of his condition, but hope in the face of adversity can be an incredibly powerful motivator in keeping people alive and giving them the strength to go on living. I think that’s the point she’s making in saying that someone in those circumstances should reach out to someone - it’s unlikely to present a cure for their condition, but it can give them the strength they need to go on living and provide a way to cope with the pain of whatever ails them.

I don’t think she’s putting a poor me spin on someone else suffering. She’s making the point that she and her children are also suffering and trying to cope with the loss of her husband and their children’s father. She’s doing exactly what she is telling other people to do - when they’re suffering and in pain, don’t keep it to themselves, reach out to someone, because there is always hope, and suicide is not the answer. She wants to prevent other people from going through what her husband went through, and what she and her children are going through now.

I think you’re being too harsh, but I do understand your perspective too. Even now the idea of suicide prevention has to compete with the incredibly difficult cases which are used to argue that assisted dying should become an acceptable means to mitigate a persons suffering.

(I’ve tried to use the terms respectfully in order that the thread doesn’t turn into a shìt show every time the topic comes up, even though I am vehemently opposed to suicide and assisted dying)

ILoveYourVibes

Cee-Jay-Cee wrote: »

It was a release from constant pain and suffering.

Its not. Most suicides are botched and leave people with serious medical conditions.

Depression is a liar.

Similarly once someone has decided to do it (often as much as a year in advance) they are often more buoyant. The idea they have a get out lifts them.

Depression isn't someone reciting Russian poetry in the dark and crying all day.

Depression laughs and goes the movies.

Also the idea that someone in a NORMAL state of mind would choose to never see their kids again etc is delusional.

Suicide is part of a mental illness.

I mean if he is on the other side he probably instantly regretted his decision.