Family estrangement

LegacyUser

I estranged myself from the family. I don't speak to my siblings because I found them to be cocky and arrogant and neglectful of me. For example, I would send a text message about whatever going on at the time like maybe grannys birthday and not often than not, my messages were ignored. Sometimes they would reply back but it would be hours later after my message. I didn't like waiting for a reply and it felt as if they didn't like me. I also estranged myself from my one and only living parent. There were a few things growing up that wasn't right. She had a drink problem and it resulted in me and the other siblings not allowed to go to parties and after school activities because money was for boozing. Our diets were shocking too. Mainly chips every day for dinner. There was no nutrition.

I'm struggling with estrangement. On one hand, I hate them and want nothing to do with them. On the other hand, I'm sad, hurt, hurt, lonely and I hate being ignored by them and not acknowledged in the family any more. I don't know how to move forward with my estrangement. I keep texting them and they keep ignoring me which has be feeling bad.

ILoveYourVibes

You have to make a new family for yourself. A better one.

Then build your bonds with them.

Friends ..GF ..eventually wife and kids etc.

Loveinapril

Have you considered counselling to help you? You can't change others' behaviour, you can only change your own. You said you have estranged yourself but then say you have been trying to contact them. This isn't going to help you if you are genuinely trying to break away. Have you actually discussed your feelings with them at all or did you cut contact to get a response and it never came?

tea and coffee

I wouldn't necessarily be offended because they didn't text back especially if it's a group WhatsApp... people are busy, they may have nothing interesting to reply/ say... now if it's a pattern where you feel ignored in person too then that might be different. Would you be able to say it to them that it upsets you when you don't get a response?

Regarding your childhood, that may influence your thinking about the texting greatly as well as family dynamic. Counselling could benefit you

antix80

andgo wrote: »

I didn't like waiting for a reply and it felt as if they didn't like me.

That's a "you" issue.

You could have phoned them instead.
If you're so upset about their perceived snub, you could have approached them individually to say you were hurt. Instead of expecting them to know what's going on in your head.

Maybe your granny isn't as important to them. Maybe you're not important. Maybe they see you as a bit demanding and childish and keep you at a distance, and when you estranged yourself they just said "here op goes again- suit him/herself"

andgo wrote: »

... because money was for boozing. Our diets were shocking too.

Many parents are needlessly tight and controlling whether alcoholics or not.
I think i spent my childhood constipated because my mam was such a bad cook. She'd buy expensive meat and overcook it, lumpy spuds that she attempted to cook and mash in 10mins, and the only veg she cooked were carrots which i hate to this day. I'd no energy to do PE at school.
Well now i go to the gym 4 times a week so guess it didn't affect me too badly in the long run.

andgo wrote: »

I'm struggling with estrangement. On one hand, I hate them and want nothing to do with them. On the other hand, I'm sad, hurt, hurt, lonely and I hate being ignored by them and not acknowledged in the family any more. I don't know how to move forward with my estrangement. I keep texting them and they keep ignoring me which has be feeling bad.

The texts are essentially you playing games.. Moreso with yourself to the irritation of your poor family.

My advice is get a life outside of your family, stop texting altogether - they seem to hate texts and you can't cope either.

when you get your head right and your life together, maybe you'll be a person they want to spend time with for an hour every week or 2. And even if they don't, you'll be a person who respects their decision.

LoughNeagh2017

Family is a farce, once siblings have children they take little do to with you, the same will happen with the family you build yourself when they have children. The only relationship that stands the test of time is the relationship between parent and child and obviously a marriage relationship.