I feel helpless and like I’ve no control on my life

LegacyUser

Hi all,

Regular going anon here. I’ve had a rough couple of months but the past week has been really tough in particular. Don’t want to go into specifics too much but something happened that completely threw me and really knocked me down. It was a situation that I had no control over whatsoever, and the week ended up being like that where I couldn’t do anything to affect how the days went and it was all out of my hands.

I found myself restricting my food to have some sense of control over something during the week, but last time I did that it led to an eating disorder so I pulled myself up over that and stopped it. Today I had a plan in mind and it got thrown, and now I can’t stop crying and wanting to cry about how nothing went right all week, and especially today when I thought I could control one day.

I don’t know how to cope with this. I used to do it through my eating but I haven’t done that since soon after I started on anti-depressants (which I’m still on now). I can’t afford therapy at the moment (did it for a few years anyway).

I just really feel helpless and I don’t want to waste today because I’m back to a job I hate tomorrow (I’m job searching to no avail), but right now I just feel like lying on the bed to cry for the rest of the day and abandoning all responsibilities (getting clothes ready for working, walking the dog, etc).

Not sure what you can really say to that, but thanks for reading.

ILoveYourVibes

Go for a walk OP.

Get out into the air. Listen to some music. Then get a good night's sleep.

Ursus Horribilis

Would giving The Samaritans a call be an option? It's not therapy but perhaps talking to somebody you don't know might help?

I'm sorry to see you're going through a hard time. I can relate somewhat to what you've described. I had a job I hated so much I just wanted to cry before going into work (I'm still so glad I got out of there quickly). And without going into specifics here, I went through a rough time that had me lying on my bed howling into the pillow one evening. God only knows what my housemates thought

I hate to throw out trite comments like "this too shall pass" because they're not going to be of much comfort to you for now. Maybe try to remember that nobody's future is set in stone and you aren't going to feel as awful as this forever? Do you have anybody in your life who you can turn to and make you feel a bit better? Are there any things in your life that might bring you a little bit of comfort or hope?

You mentioned control more than once in your post. Why do you feel you have to control everything? Sometimes things just don't go to plan and all you can do is deal with what is thrown at you. One thing that did make me worry about you was your mention of eating. If you think your eating disorder is about to kick in again, do you have a support structure in place? Would an organisation like BodyWhys help you in the short term?

Another day

I hope you feel better today. It is totally sh*t when these things happen.

As you have previously had an eating disorder, please do try and speak to someone. Aware do support groups for those struggling, Google Aware support groups for a list of places, days and times. Depending on where you live there are places that do completely free counselling, again do a search. (The ones I know of are outside Dublin)

Take care of yourself.