A little friendly advice...?(Internet dating)

JanisIain

Hi all!
Long time lurker, first time poster. Have always found the contributions by members for the most part to be really interesting so prompted me to write my first post. So here goes....

I'm newly single (3 months) and looking to get out and about and meet people I.e women!

I've recently met a really interesting woman online and we seem to have hit it off, loads of fascinating interests and wicked sense of humour(and that's just me!). I always said I'd rather meet someone I'm interested quite early rather than after 2 months of text chat, it just seems like a waste of time if when you do eventually meet theres no spark.

So we've been chatting for 3 weeks and things are going well. I have recently found that I'm the one instigating the conversation. I dont want to scare her off but am quite keen... shes sick at the moment so I've been seeing how she is etc.

We live in different cities albeit not too far away from each other (shes from the city I live in) and both have quite hectic work and social lives which has made meeting up quite tricky.

Has anyone any (positive) experiences to help me a bit on how to approach the situation? I'm just not used to this getting to know you as I was in a relationship for many years.

Any advice would be much appreciated!
Thanks for reading
J

Tell me how

3 weeks is a long time to just be chatting on internet dating.

If ye are not that far apart, suggest you've to travel to her city for work or something some day and ask if she'd like to meet for coffee while you are there.

If she says no, and doesn't suggest alternative day or time to meet, it's likely she's not interested outside of the casual chatting ye are doing (21st century version if being a penpal).

Maybe ask for her number and have a phone conversation, if she doesn't give it, by all means stay chatting but know that she doesn't see it turning in to something more.

lemmno

Did a bit of online dating myself and if a man had called me for a chat before we’d met up I’d have 100% ignored the call. Thats just me though. Keep it casual, ask her out, if she says no and doesn’t suggest another day then move on. I said no to my boyfriend 5 or 6 times but always made it clear that I did actually want to meet. This was due to genuine scheduling issues, wasn’t giving him the runaround. Almost 2 years in now and we’re happy out.

Dial Hard

Tbh, generally if it's proving this tricky to organise the first date then subsequent ones aren't going to be any easier either. If you're very keen I'd give it another week, max but you need to get an actual date - day, time, venue - pinned down ASAP.

If someone is too busy to date then sometimes that's the reason they're single.

JanisIain

Dial Hard wrote: »

Tbh, generally if it's proving this tricky to organise the first date then subsequent ones aren't going to be any easier either. If you're very keen I'd give it another week, max but you need to get an actual date - day, time, venue - pinned down ASAP.

If someone is too busy to date then sometimes that's the reason they're single.

Very true re: too busy to date

OP here
I think thou if we had that first meet and it went well then there's be more interest to meet again with a more enthusiasm? I'm not saying I'm Miss Ireland Personality of the Year 2019 but if there is a spark then usually you want to see that person again ASAP.

I will give it another week I think and see what she comes up with. If at the end of it nothing well then that's just the way it goes

zapper55

3 weeks is more than enough time to arrange a date. I'd suggest it's far too long for online dating actually. You've both built up an image of each other from texting without having met and are more likely to be disappointed in person. That's my overwhelming experience of it.

Ask her out this evening. Suggest meeting for a coffee in a halfway place this week. What day suits etc

No back and forth forever, if it doesnt happen shes not interested in meeting up.

ILoveYourVibes

I don't know if I am being unfair to online dating bit i always tend to think people need endless patience for it and a lot of endurance particularly if the other person lives a bit away.

The only people i know who made a relationship from it are the people who waited ages even though the other person had difficulties meeting for whatever reason.

JanisIain

OP here with a quick update.

Having made several attempts (covert and not to so covert!) To organise a meet up she has since made excuse after excuse and then dropped off the radar altogether. Not as irresistible as I thought I was then!

Lessons learnt, dignity still intact. Onwards and upwards!

Her loss, in my humble opinion

zapper55

That's a pity op. All I'd say is, in future dont leave it too long to ask someone out. If they say no or are vague just leave it and chat to someone else.

Asking someone out a few times is no good for your confidence.

ILoveYourVibes

Too bad for her at least you know now OP. Her loss.

smokie72

Sorry to hear that OP but it's a fairly common theme in online dating. 1 person wants to meet up and the other not so keen. If someone doesn't want to meet up why are they wasting other people's time in stringing them along when they could be chatting to someone genuine. Happened to me a couple of times in the past. I think if someone doesn't want to meetup after a couple of weeks texting then forget them unless it's a genuine reason(s). I wouldn't agree with the poster who would ignore a call for a chat before they meet. It can give you a much better idea of the person and actually I/or she have cancelled a date based on having a chat over the phone. It can save time as well.