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poem

  • 11-08-2019 7:37pm
    #1
    hgfj
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 252 ✭✭


    I wrote this many years ago. I was about 20 at the time and had just spent a couple of hours sitting in a room with my dad without either of us saying a word to each other. We weren't getting on at the time...




    Just a word is all it takes
    To break the stony silence
    - between us -
    A simple word could shatter
    This unholy verbal void
    That gives shelter to our thoughts
    And save us from suspicion.
    Just a word is all it takes
    To deliver us from pain...


Comments

  • #2
    Sheridan81
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,429 ✭✭✭Sheridan81


    I'm sure you scribbled it down quickly and aren't too fussed, but this poem doesn't really say anything to me. 'Stony silence', 'shelter to our thoughts', 'just a word is all it takes' and 'deliver us from pain' are phrases which have been trotted out a million times.


  • #3
    hgfj
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 252 ✭✭hgfj


    Sheridan81 wrote: »
    I'm sure you scribbled it down quickly and aren't too fussed, but this poem doesn't really say anything to me. 'Stony silence', 'shelter to our thoughts', 'just a word is all it takes' and 'deliver us from pain' are phrases which have been trotted out a million times.


    True. Thanks for the input.


  • #4
    FrancieBrady
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 72,201 ✭✭✭✭FrancieBrady


    hgfj wrote: »
    True. Thanks for the input.

    I had a lecturer who always reckoned that you should never create or try to create in the midst of something.
    Maybe re-work the piece with the benefit of hindsight and get at the truth of what was going on and what, if anything can be learned.
    I wouldn't be concerned about phrases having been heard before if they are honest and thought about and it illuminates the thought. 'unholy verbal void' works for me, so you can write.

    Sort of like Heaney's masterful, economic way of doing it in poems like Digging etc.


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