Silly/embarrassing things you said or did

MrCostington

Hope this has not been done recently.

What things have you said or done that was embarrassing, stupid or got an unintended laugh?

Two from me.

Back in school, I had been out sick the day before, in geography class, teacher says, "continuing on from yesterday, how would the sailors know how deep the sea was?"

I put my hand up and say use sonar. Teacher looks confused and says explain yourself, so I go on to say there is transducers under the ship and a sound wave is transmitted and bounced off the seabed and the time for it to come back is timed, giving the current depth. The class is roaring laughing as I explain this.

Teacher says, and tell me MrC, how will they send soundwaves in the 18th century!


Then in work there was a security checkpoint and barrier in the way in. Barrier was normally up all the time, but I was in on a Sunday and took my eyes off the road to adjust radio, BANG I crashed through the barrier!

It just bounced off my windscreen and all seemed OK and car was fine. I come in on Monday to see the barrier removed from its tower and resting on the grass nearby.

Of course word gets round in work and the slagging is unreal but seems to have been forgotten about by the afternoon. Until, that is Spandau Ballet's Through the barricades comes on the radio (honest!) scarlet I was !!

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yore ma

Gregor Samsa

Many years ago, my mate used to sing this stupid song he called “the drunken knacker song”. It didn’t have any words, just mumbles.

One night in Dublin we were getting the 123 bus into town. We’d already been drinking in this mate’s flat for a few hours. I was sitting on a seat on my own, with my mate and another friend sitting in front of me. We were chatting and minding our own business.

A couple got in the bus somewhere in Marino, the girl sat beside me, and the guy, who was obviously a junkie, sat behind. I payed no attention. At some point in the conversation, I mentioned the Drunken Knacker Song to my mate.

The girl beside me goes “What did you say?”. I turned and went “Oh, he just has this song called The Drunken Knacker song. Sing it there fo her...” My mate’s face dropped, and he just turned away as if he didn’t know me. Just then I realised she was a Traveller, as was her junkie boyfriend, as she roared “Who are you callin’ a knacker? I’ll f**in stab you with a HIV syringe! Anto, he’s callin us knackers!” I tried to explain myself. No, not you. It’s just a song. I’m sorry. But she was having none of it.

Luckily Anto was so out of it he just sat there with his eyes rolled in his head and his mouth open, totally oblivious to what was going on. She continued to roar obscenities and threats at me for the rest of the longest short bus journey I ever had to endure - still shouting at me when they fell off the bus in Parnell street.