Poor feedback, what now?

lfen

Have found myself in an unusual situation and would really appreciate some advice. Long story, so read at your own risk 😊

A few weeks back, at the end of a meeting with my manager, he got extremely awkward and told me that he had some feedback he wanted to share with me. He actually said “I don’t know how to word this at all so I’m just going to come out with it. It’s a very unusual situation to be in with you”. In a nutshell, he told me that someone had given feedback to someone else, who then passed this feedback on to himself. The feedback was that I, along with a childhood friend who is employed in the same role in another department, “gang up on people in meetings”. I was very taken aback by this as I am a very drama free person and was also bullied in a previous company, so would be ridiculously careful to never come across that way. He also told me that over the years, my name has been mentioned a couple of times in exit interviews by other senior managers. I called out two people who I know would have mentioned me as a reason for leaving and explained that I was not surprised, as I had been asked by him (my manager) to put pressure on them as they were underperforming. It happened that these were the two people who mentioned me.

My manager made it very clear that he did not believe that any of this was true, but I feel if that was the case, why raise this with me. I asked if he could give me examples of the ganging up behaviour or better yet, arrange a sit down meeting with them so we can talk it through but he said that wasn’t necessary. I let him know that apart from it being very childish in my opinion, that I didn’t agree with the feedback but it’s obviously someone's reality so needs to be dealt with but he kind of just brushed that off.

So since that conversation, I feel totally confused and paranoid really and feel like I can’t just forget about it. I am in a very senior position and feel that this has really knocked my confidence. I feel that if I bring it back up, I am making a drama of it but also think that if I don’t, it’s basically saying that people can say what they want about me. As I said, I was bullied in a previous company and to some extent, I let it happen because I just turned a blind eye to it for years which made it easy for them to continue the bullying.

Any thoughts on what you would do in my shoes?

drunkmonkey

Forget about it he gave you a heads up that's all. Try and keep you name out of things for the wrong reason and watch how you act with your mate in meetings.
Don't dwell any more about it or make it into an issue, sounds like your manager has your back, don't bring **** to their door.

skallywag

lfen wrote: »

...I called out two people who I know would have mentioned me as a reason for leaving and explained that I was not surprised, as I had been asked by him (my manager) to put pressure on them as they were underperforming...

It is quite normal to have a word with a team member who is not performing to par, but it is not normal to have someone calling you out during an exit interview, they must have felt extremely pissed off in order to mention this.

What type of pressure did you apply at time?

Misguided1

I would really be asking what was the purpose of your manager giving you this feedback. Are they asking you to adjust your behaviour or just be aware of it. I'd be open to the feedback if they can provide some concrete examples. If not - then there isn't a lot that they or you can do.
But I don't think you'd be making a drama if you said you will take the feedback on board if they can be more specific.

JeffKenna

I never heard of people giving names in exit interviews...what did they claim you did?

Mango Joe

lfen wrote: »

I called out two people who I know would have mentioned me as a reason for leaving and explained that I was not surprised, as I had been asked by him (my manager) to put pressure on them as they were underperforming. It happened that these were the two people who mentioned me.

I'm confused.

You're uncomfortable at work right now due to a mild mention around past behaviors that don't actually threaten your employment status or ability to earn and feed yourself.

Yet at the same time you've casually admitted that you've previously put sufficient pressure on multiple individuals at different times that you were not surprised that they were unsettled and anxious enough to quit their jobs and seek employment elsewhere????

lfen wrote: »

My manager made it very clear that he did not believe that any of this was true, but I feel if that was the case, why raise this with me.

Your Manager didn't believe it was true??? Yet you believed it was true right up until the point where you could accurately name these two ex-employees that you "pressured" out of the business???

Is your Manager uncomfortable now as he sometimes asks you to bully employees out the door and he's worried it'll all come back to bite him retrospectively as you seem to be quite adept at it?

- As of now I'd suspect that there's something up with this entire scenario and I'm relieved I don't work anywhere near you or your Maestro Manager.

lfen

drunkmonkey wrote: »

Forget about it he gave you a heads up that's all. Try and keep you name out of things for the wrong reason and watch how you act with your mate in meetings.
Don't dwell any more about it or make it into an issue, sounds like your manager has your back, don't bring **** to their door.

Think you are right. I'd generally help with his **** not add to it so maybe best letting it lie. Thanks for the advice.

lfen

skallywag wrote: »

It is quite normal to have a word with a team member who is not performing to par, but it is not normal to have someone calling you out during an exit interview, they must have felt extremely pissed off in order to mention this.

What type of pressure did you apply at time?

When I say pressure, I implemented reasonable targets (same targets as my own), checked in regularly to ensure that progress was being made and if it wasn't, provided support. It was widely recognised that these people were not putting the work in as when deadlines were not met, excuses would range from "ah well" to "just didn't get round to it".

I think their issue more so was that they were colleagues of mine so I suppose it would be unusual for them to have to answer to me, for want of a better phrase.

lfen

Mango Joe wrote: »

I'm confused.

You're uncomfortable at work right now due to a mild mention around past behaviors that don't actually threaten your employment status or ability to earn and feed yourself.

Yet at the same time you've casually admitted that you've previously put sufficient pressure on multiple individuals at different times that you were not surprised that they were unsettled and anxious enough to quit their jobs and seek employment elsewhere????



Your Manager didn't believe it was true??? Yet you believed it was true right up until the point where you could accurately name these two ex-employees that you "pressured" out of the business???

Is your Manager uncomfortable now as he sometimes asks you to bully employees out the door and he's worried it'll all come back to bite him retrospectively as you seem to be quite adept at it?

- As of now I'd suspect that there's something up with this entire scenario and I'm relieved I don't work anywhere near you or your Maestro Manager.

Some clarifications..
I didn't put sufficient pressure on them driving them to leave. The main reason they both left is because they were underperforming to the point that their own manager (also mine) put them on a performance plan, which can be unpleasant in that you are meeting daily with your manager and reviewing all areas of your performance. My manager, who was also their manager, asked that I performance manage one area of their role, so their gripe was more so around that.
My manager didn't believe the ganging up piece was true and didn't agree on the pressure piece. These people were underperforming and under pressure well before I came into the mix.

I hope that you take from that, that I was not asked to bully someone of their job, nor did I bully someone out of their job. That was an unfair comment to be honest.

skallywag

lfen wrote: »

When I say pressure, I implemented reasonable targets (same targets as my own), checked in regularly to ensure that progress was being made and if it wasn't, provided support. It was widely recognised that these people were not putting the work in as when deadlines were not met, excuses would range from "ah well" to "just didn't get round to it".

I think their issue more so was that they were colleagues of mine so I suppose it would be unusual for them to have to answer to me, for want of a better phrase.

That all sounds perfectly reasonable, and I see nothing in that alone which would cause these folks to name you personally in an exit interview.

As mentioned earlier, in my experience it is very unusual for someone to pinpoint someone during an exit interview, most people really do not tend to rock the boat on the way out, even if they have a gripe with someone. Having two different people do this is particularly odd.

Do you think that there could be another reason that these guys had an axe to grind with you for some reason, perhaps personal issues, etc.?