My friend only calls when drunk

lufties

I've a childhood friend who recently got married and had a kid etc. Anyway I've noticed a trend where he only calls me drunk in the early hours. I confronted him saying it's not on. Since then he hasn't contacted me.

Was I unreasonable?

facehugger99

No.

lufties

facehugger99 wrote: »

No.

People are odd. Somehow it's my fault that I told him no more drunken calls late at night. Usually I'm expected to listen while he spills his problems.

hawley

lufties wrote: »

I've a childhood friend who recently got married and had a kid etc. Anyway I've noticed a trend where he only calls me drunk in the early hours. I confronted him saying it's not on. Since then he hasn't contacted me.

Was I unreasonable?

Why do you think that he's is calling you at that hour? Does he want to come over for sex or is he unhappy in his marriage. It sounds like he's trying to reach out to you, would you consider ringing him and asking him why he is drunkenly calling you in the early hours? I don't think you've been unreasonable but it may be that he needs to open up to someone about his marriage and that's why he calls, but he never carries through on it.

lufties

hawley wrote: »

Why do you think that he's is calling you at that hour? Does he want to come over for sex or is he unhappy in his marriage. It sounds like he's trying to reach out to you, would you consider ringing him and asking him why he is drunkenly calling you in the early hours? I don't think you've been unreasonable but it may be that he needs to open up to someone about his marriage and that's why he calls, but he never carries through on it.

No, I'm heterosexual. We live in different countries. He's a childhood friend. He has issues with drugs and alcohol that he keeps from his wife. I advised him on 2 or 3 long phone calls to knock it on the head, but it's the same old story. He praises me for being a good mate, yet he never calls me sober or at a reasonable hour. Eventually I grew tired of the behaviour and said no more. He hasn't contacted me since at all.

killanena

I've dealt with addiction in the past and the way it usually goes is when your off something, all you can think about is getting back on it. When your on it all you can think about is quitting it. If its to the stage you know its ruining your life.

If your friendship has a lot of meaning to you, you could try call them at a time you know they wouldn't be drunk to show that you do care for them but also explain to them while their sober in mind that you don't want to be listening to their rabbling when their pissed.

If you feel fine removing the person from your life no one would blame you for doing so either.

lufties

killanena wrote: »

I've dealt with addiction in the past and the way it usually goes is when your off something, all you can think about is getting back on it. When your on it all you can think about is quitting it. If its to the stage you know its ruining your life.

If your friendship has a lot of meaning to you, you could try call them at a time you know they wouldn't be drunk to show that you do care for them but also explain to them while their sober in mind that you don't want to be listening to their rabbling when their pissed.

If you feel fine removing the person from your life no one would blame you for doing so either.

Fair enough. Part of me doesn't want to end the friendship, However I have to ask what value this person brings. Which is none, bar chatting about old memories.

I understand that he can only talk about these things when drunk. However I have consoled him 2-3 times already on the phone. If I'm honest, he's always been a self centred person, as you get older you've less time for that crap.

Thelonious Monk

Man he's married now and doing his own thing. He still thinks to ring you, you should appreciate that. You're being a drama queen in my opinion, I haven't had a mate call me in God knows how long, but I don't expect them to either! If you don't want to talk to him when he's drunk don't answer the phone. He's your mate not your boyfriend.

afkasurfjunkie

No, I know where you are coming from. My dad used to have a problem with drink. And he was prone to making phonecalls after a few too many too. Just wanted someone to talk rubbish to. He fell out with a few of his siblings over it at the time. It’s very hard to listen to to a drunk person rambling on when you yourself are sober. You were right to tell him you are up for a chat but only when he is sober.
My brother in law is very fond of the drink too and lives abroad. My husband knows by the time of day when he rings what he will be like on he other end of the phone and he doesn’t answer the phone at those times.

lufties

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

Man he's married now and doing his own thing. He still thinks to ring you, you should appreciate that. You're being a drama queen in my opinion, I haven't had a mate call me in God knows how long, but I don't expect them to either! If you don't want to talk to him when he's drunk don't answer the phone. He's your mate not your boyfriend.

Well it sounds like your standards of friendship are very low.

lufties

afkasurfjunkie wrote: »

No, I know where you are coming from. My dad used to have a problem with drink. And he was prone to making phonecalls after a few too many too. Just wanted someone to talk rubbish to. He fell out with a few of his siblings over it at the time. It’s very hard to listen to to a drunk person rambling on when you yourself are sober. You were right to tell him you are up for a chat but only when he is sober.
My brother in law is very fond of the drink too and lives abroad. My husband knows by the time of day when he rings what he will be like on he other end of the phone and he doesn’t answer the phone at those times.

I can imagine. None of us are perfect, but I'd never burden someone like that. It's simply not fair. Ok, the odd exception maybe, but when it's a regular thing, no thanks.

ILoveYourVibes

lufties wrote: »

I've a childhood friend who recently got married and had a kid etc. Anyway I've noticed a trend where he only calls me drunk in the early hours. I confronted him saying it's not on. Since then he hasn't contacted me.

Was I unreasonable?

No.

Give him a call during normal hrs if you want to. get him into a pattern.

Or not if you would rather leave the friendship. Might be best.
You sound like a good mate.